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  • MONDAY SEPTEMBER 10 2007 12:30 PM

The VMAskdfjtglneyitkpiwetk/xcv.



Sorry about the title -- I think my head crashed into my computer while thinking back to the show.

So, here's the thing -- I'm old.
And here's why:
I recognized roughly point eight percent of the "musicians" and "actors" appearing on the VMA's last night. And for those of you who had better things to do -- like say, mop your kitchen floors or wax your scrotum -- you missed the following:

1. A big-bellied, dead-eyed, Chriss Angel-coached Britney stumble around on-stage like a zombie.
2. Alicia Keys sing OFF-key in a skin-tight cat-suit which showcased her—let's be frank—SHOCKINGLY beefy thighs. Her pear-shape was only to be outdone by Nelly Furtado who closed the show by singing roughly 4 bars of a totally forgettable song.
3. Rihanna remind America that no one knows or cares who she is.
4. Chris Brown rip off Michael Jackson in an electrifyingly awesome way.
5. Seth Rogan and Bill Hader only slightly try to disguise their total disdain for everything and everyone involved in the entire evening.
6. Kid Rock and Tommy Lee get into a full-on fist fight which was the only interesting thing that happened all evening, but sadly wasn't included in the show. See some random camera capture the disappointing brawl here.
7. Dr. Dre reveal that he has the largest trapezius muscles of any man alive.
8. How NOT to produce a televised award show.

This tossed-together, two-hours-I'll-never-get-back snooze-fest made me long for the days of bearded Jim Carreys and angry Fiona Apples and threeway lesbian Madonnas.
Who knew I could be nostalgic for such mediocrity?

Ps: Because I will champion Britney Spears until the day she literally starts letting her three and one-year-old sons smoke cigarettes and wield knives, my personal theory is that her shaky performance was due to her mad-high, unstable boots. Typically, she's done her nude suit-wearing, python-molesting, pigtail-strutting while sporting ever-stable tennis shoes.
Thoughts?


 

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Comments
Gerry_D

Gerry_D

Los Angeles, CA
May 2003

SEP 10, 2007 12:40 PM

I also love that Kanye screamed and cried like a giant man-baby again.

Someday he will bitch about losing something he's not even up for.

ongoingnightmare

ongoingnightmare

Denver, CO
April 2003

SEP 10, 2007 12:46 PM

dont forget that most of the people wernt singing

endvic

endvic

Tempe, AZ
December 2004

SEP 10, 2007 12:47 PM

actually Criss Angel didn't coach Britney; turns out they were just having sex.

Ainur

Ainur

I'm lost
May 2005

SEP 10, 2007 12:48 PM

Hmm, Britney, terrible. Just, really frighteningly bad. Stay home and love your kids.
Chris Brown was really incredible, but still lip-syncing. He should do theater.
Alicia has always had thighs and booty, and she often sounds kinda off key, but she ripped it and it was actually live. Plus, what's with covering George Michael's "Freedom"?
Kanye was never as good as his hype. Never............... NEVER!
Gym Class Heroes brought more hip-hop flavor in the FOB suite than all the games "superstars" put together. Keep in mind I think Kanye is weak sauce. So what else was there?
Timbaland produces some of the best beats ever, but he's kind of a dork.
I would have rather spent the night in the Foos suite, where supposedly much beer and rocking did take place. So I hope they do a "remix" show focusing on that.
Overall, not a very well produced show. It just seemed frantic and confusing and really poorly paced with some of the best music being cut off as they went to or came back from commercial. I don't know how the "remix" thing is going to work, though. Supposedly everything was filmed and will be cut into a different show(s). That's why people were saying there would be no re-run of last nights broadcast. Problem is, other than the Foos suite, I'm just not interested.
Eh, random last minute thought. I'm not a big Linkin Park fan, or even a fan at all. But I've heard Chester sing that song more than once this year and daaaaaang he sounded wrecked last night.

BloodMoney

BloodMoney

Bakersfield, CA
December 2006

SEP 10, 2007 12:48 PM

Apparently it's all Sarah Silverman's fault

Ainur

Ainur

I'm lost
May 2005

SEP 10, 2007 12:51 PM

Gerry_D said:
I also love that Kanye screamed and cried like a giant man-baby again.

Someday he will bitch about losing something he's not even up for.



But didn't he say that he would never return to Mtv? That would be awesome. lol

Crissis

Crissis

Ecuador
January 2007

SEP 10, 2007 12:51 PM

i really dnt care i just want to see the fight! i hope tommy kicked ass ARRR!!!

Ainur

Ainur

I'm lost
May 2005

SEP 10, 2007 12:53 PM

BloodMoney said:
Apparently it's all Sarah Silverman's fault



But.... she was on after Britney. lol Whatever, Britney screwed this mess up for herself. I'm not going to contribute to the bagging on her that's taking place today, everything has already been said. But she messed it up, nobody else.

Ainur

Ainur

I'm lost
May 2005

SEP 10, 2007 12:56 PM

crisladark said:
i really dnt care i just want to see the fight! i hope tommy kicked ass ARRR!!!



It wasn't on camera, but there are two conflicting stories that I've read thus far (of course). First, Kid started it and socked Tommy. Second, Tommy egged him on for a while, Kid smacked him, then punched him, Tommy still never got a shot in. I too, was disappointed to hear this. But the "white on white crime" jokes were funny.

Ferrulli

Ferrulli

Iron Station, NC
July 2007

SEP 10, 2007 12:57 PM

i think britney was probably drunk.
she drank before the show to calm down...
because not everyone's so nice to her anymore, ha.

waxangel

waxangel

Baltimore, MD
May 2003

SEP 10, 2007 12:58 PM

The whole thing was less than mediocre. It was unwatchable. What a crapfest.

helloreegan84

helloreegan84

Las Cruces, NM
September 2007

SEP 10, 2007 01:00 PM

aww i honestly felt bad for her. frown

DhD_No_Pants

DhD_No_Pants

Katy, TX
May 2006

SEP 10, 2007 01:01 PM

I caught 2 STD's just watching Tommy and Kid fight.

pink_n_violent

pink_n_violent

La Vergne, TN
August 2007

SEP 10, 2007 01:08 PM

it was like 3 minutes of her just wondering around the stage looking for cheetos.



p.s Sarah Silverman is my hero

d20

d20

San Francisco, CA
September 2003

SEP 10, 2007 01:13 PM

if the sound had been a bit better, the group performances would have been legendary. serj, dave grohl, lemmy, mastodon, josh homme, cee-lo... daaaaang.

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