There's No Wrong Way to Crash a Segway

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The Segway... It's like they secretly built a machine to let us laugh at the rich and idle.

"Sure... it's going to revolutionize transportation. That's right! It, uh, uses very little energy! It's going to replace the car... And only rich people like you can afford its expensive price. Just pay the man and step right up onto this goofy-looking machine!"

It's hard to say why the world had such grand hopes, it's not like the pogo-stick or the "stuffed horsy-head on a broomstick," changed our lives.

Until now, the Segway's biggest claim to fame was guest starring on "Arrested Development."

SANTA MONICA, Calif. - Piers Morgan may be a great judge of “talent,” but clearly, riding a Segway is not one of his own.

The “America’s Got Talent” judge broke several ribs this weekend in a Segway accident, and may not be able to appear on Tuesday night's season finale.

As first reported by The NY Post’s Michael Starr, Morgan was riding the Segway on the Santa Monica Pier, when he accelerated too quickly and hit a curb.
I'm laughing as I type this. I don't know who you are, Piers, but I guarantee this is the hardest you'll ever make me laugh. Thank you for lightening my day with your stupid rich guy injury.

An NBC show publicist confirmed the news to “Access Hollywood.”
Somebody actually had to make this call. And someone else had to answer the question. Awesome. Picture two people hanging up and then laughing in rapid succession.

“I broke two, possibly three ribs and I’m in quite a bit of pain,” Morgan reportedly told Starr yesterday. “It’s still kind of up in the air (if I’ll appear on the finale) but I’m going to try to do my best to be a part of it.”
Still funny...

Now, no footage of the accident exists, but I'd like to believe it looked a little like this:



Or this:



Or this, which, unfortunately, comes with douche-commentary:



Finally:





TheCoolerKing rode a Segway once, without incident.

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