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  • SATURDAY AUGUST 18 2007 8:00 PM

Surprise! Reality TV is Fake.

Submitted by Hunter

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: The Hills, MTV, postmodernism



You might want to sit down for this one. Various sources have been breaking the story in bits and pieces, and it is almost too much for me to process all at once. MTV's reality TV show The Hills, famed for its gritty and real portrayal of the human condition stripped down to its very core, has been unmasked as a phony, fake-ass fraud.

First we have this disturbing item on Page Six, wherein a disgruntled New York diner describes how the show's cast and crew ruined his nice expensive dinner at Da Silvano with their pageant of food-ordering fakery:


It was clear that this show is not a reality show. They took five takes of Lauren ordering dinner. The film crew took over the outside eating area by setting up lights and cameras everywhere. They should go back to California.


OMG NO! Each time Lauren has ordered food on TV in the past, I thought I was watching, in immediate real time, a human female embroiled in the throes of that ever-burning question: the chicken or the steak? The wrong choice could cost her everything. But now that I know that crucial moment of choice is not even shown in the final cut, the show has lost all of its value to me. Perhaps they even scripted the choice in the first place based on focus groups and market analysis. Up yours, existentialism.

Then we have the revelation that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's ring and engagement may both be fake! First, the ring. [Insert "now she's got something to go with her fake tits" joke here]. It was purchased with a borrowed (from Brody Jenner) credit card from the Ice Accessory store, which is apparently only a small step up from sparkly headband wonderland Claire's. It appeared to be quite the formidable rock, until TMZ's "sources" spoiled the fun by saying that

the pink diamond is really a lavender, lemon amethyst! The ring is surrounded by diamonds and the ring retails for $2,890!

Only $2,890? And you had to borrow a credit card to buy it? I guess being a D-list reality TV star isn't as lucrative as I thought. Be warned, bra: Heidi Montag don't want no scrubs. Go start a fistfight with Paris Hilton or something. I guarantee your stock will rise.

Then we have the report from Radar that the two fucked up in an EW interview and said this:


We can't wait to see how they edit that.... We would get engaged, we just wouldn't do it on Lauren's show.



Then they started going on the radio and claiming they were engaged, and that they might even do a spin-off reality show about their wedding. Head explody!

Seriously, folks. This shit is so hyper-meta-fake that it makes me question the concept of reality itself. Is anything real? Am I secretly a robot? What if it's all a dream, man? I appreciate apocalyptic LA postmodernism as much as the next English major asshole, but enough is enough. I propose a return to those openly fake shows of the past, in which "actors" were shown "playing characters" other than themselves, with the occasional awkward cameo from a celebrity famous for actual things he or she had done. I know some of you are too young to remember, but those shows were actually pretty good. And they didn't frighten me nearly so much.

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Comments
wheezy_e

wheezy_e

Boulder City, NV
April 2004

AUG 18, 2007 08:17 PM

reality show is an oxymoron, no?

TheBlueLotus

TheBlueLotus

Tacoma, WA
August 2005

AUG 18, 2007 08:17 PM

These tv shows just make me shake my head in utmost confusion. The sad thing is that many people out there think that is quality tv, just like the O.C.

Why do people like Hulk Hogan need their own tv show? Their 15 minutes of fame were up, and now they are crawling back for more.

Uggh.


I'm going to go watch the mythbusters blow something up.

Shimarisu

Shimarisu

Birmingham, AL
August 2006

AUG 18, 2007 08:19 PM

When I worked at the local movie theater, my old alma mater, Hoover High, was filming the first episode of MTV's Two-A-Days, or whatever it's called... I've never actually watched it myself other than when they had it playing in Wal-mart and I stood there slack jawed as a girl claimed they were practicing a tradition that hadn't been in place when I graduated two years prior.

I was behind the concession stand and watched them repeatedly film the players walking up to the box office... and I had to laugh because they were walking side by side, not talking to one another, and obviously trying to look important... I had never seen any real customers walk like that. Then they re-took that 8 times before coming in and making the players pretend to order food from me. They even sent a camera man behind the counter to film me pressing in the order, but they told me not to actually press in the buttons, and for the players only to get candy or something simple that I could put out on the counter for them but they knew they wouldn't have to pay for. After several takes they finally left me alone to get real customers.

I was less depressed at the fact that I wasn't surprised MTV would force people to pretend to go see a movie, than the fact that people would actually want to see this, think it was exciting and honestly believe this is real. Seriously, anybody who can't figure out that reality TV is fake needs to get the sense slapped into them.

Jasper

Jasper

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

AUG 18, 2007 08:25 PM

Wait wait wait... The Hillz was supposed to be a reality show?
Oh gee...
hahahaha.
I feel dumbzo.

That show will still be my guilty pleasure. Considering I was ignorant all along.
Seriously though... reality? Really?
I never thought thats what they were going for. Hrm.

vazquez

vazquez

Waltham, MA
December 2002

AUG 18, 2007 08:29 PM

this isnt really news to anyone!

cupcakeOdoom

cupcakeOdoom

Baldwin, NY
March 2006

AUG 18, 2007 08:40 PM

bring on the openly fake sitcoms with laugh tracks.

for the love of god, please put reality tv out of its misery.

Saya

Saya

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

AUG 18, 2007 08:43 PM

I hate this show, but I can't stop watching it.
Why are they always talking to each other in sing-songy voices?
"Auuuudriiiinnaaa.... he has an aaaaacccceeeeent!"

MistressMissy

mistressmissy

Grand Rapids, MI
March 2003

AUG 18, 2007 08:46 PM

Wait till the show 'welcome to the family' comes out.
it was partly filmed in my hotel.
biggrin

Marishka

Marishka

HOPEFUL

Myrtle Beach, SC

AUG 18, 2007 08:49 PM

I never thought the hills seemed like a reality show. Now...My Super Sweet 16...haha...that shits hilarious. I dunno what those parents are thinking.

SaRawr

SaRawr

I'm lost
May 2007

AUG 18, 2007 09:10 PM

I didn't know that anyone actually thought the Hills was reality TV. Watch one episode and it seems fairly obvious that it's scripted meant to seem reality tv. What's next? Someone's gonna think The Office is reality tv too? whatever

redconsensus

redconsensus

Baltimore, MD
August 2004

AUG 18, 2007 09:22 PM

Marishka said:
I never thought the hills seemed like a reality show. Now...My Super Sweet 16...haha...that shits hilarious. I dunno what those parents are thinking.



A friend of mine is one of the segment producers on Super Sweet 16. I watched it once to she what she does for a living and ever since I've been in awe of the saint like patience she must possess to not torture and kill the monsters in designers clothes that are featured on that program.

Soyjuice

Soyjuice

Menlo Park, CA
August 2005

AUG 18, 2007 09:32 PM

I figued out reality tv was fake when it wasnt people sitting around watching tv...

XamaX_is_Dead

XamaX_is_Dead

La Mesa, CA
March 2007

AUG 18, 2007 09:47 PM

TheBlueLotus said:
These tv shows just make me shake my head in utmost confusion. The sad thing is that many people out there think that is quality tv, just like the O.C.

Why do people like Hulk Hogan need their own tv show? Their 15 minutes of fame were up, and now they are crawling back for more.

Uggh.


I'm going to go watch the mythbusters blow something up.



i would almost agree, but hulk hogans 15 minutes of fame has lasted for 3 decades (give of take) crossed international and language boundaries and cemented his legacy in the pantheon of professional wrestlers. mock whomever you want but i still say my prayers and take my vitamans... WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA IS STILL RUNNING WILD ON YOU!?!?!? yeah, he is pretty much one of the most recognizable people on the planet.

Formus

Formus

Milwaukee, WI
May 2007

AUG 18, 2007 10:36 PM

What an exposée.....not.

I don't even know what the fuck The Hills is about. MTV: 1, Formus: 0.

Cockzombie

Cockzombie

San Diego, CA
July 2006

AUG 18, 2007 11:17 PM

Saya said:
I hate this show, but I can't stop watching it.
Why are they always talking to each other in sing-songy voices?
"Auuuudriiiinnaaa.... he has an aaaaacccceeeeent!"



tongue biggrin

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