A recent article from US Weekly details some guy’s tale of having hooked up with a drunken Britney Spears. He lays out all the salacious details (apparently more are available in the magazine) and they lap it up. How he went from an extra in her video, to drinking it up with her and her crew, to making out with her on the roof of the Standard Downtown, and then, who knows what with her behind the closed doors of her hotel room.

The article stops there. Shockingly they don’t mention him waking up the next day, avoiding himself in the mirror as he presumably does every morning, and calling US Weekly with his “shocking” story. They don’t cover the part where his fee is negotiated and delivered and, this part blows me away, not once in the article is he referred to as a huge fucking scumbag.

Not even in passing. Not even a “Freshly-minted scumbag, Matt Encinias, approached the pool area.” Nor a, less-harsh, parenthetical “Matt Encinias (college student, scumbag) approached the pool area.”

My question is, how do they take this guy’s call, hear his pitch, interview him, take his photo… all without once vomiting, just slightly, into a balled up paper towel? Not one person involved with this story has a soul?

Yeah, I know. That's the tabloid media. People love stars, they love hearing about what they’re doing and where they’re eating. Fine. I get that. They want to talk to Britney’s ex, Federline, okay, I guess. They had some sort of connection, spawned a thing, and it’s possibly I suppose that he’ll give you some sort of insight into her world.

That is not the case here. Everything about him and his actions are wrong. If Britney was some average girl at some average bar, he met and hooked up with, and afterwards he told everyone at the bar, loudly and in great detail, what had happened, wouldn’t he be considered a scumbag?

Beyond that… This woman is clearly, CLEARLY, not okay. Spiraling desperately out of control, making one horrific choice after another… Forget about "men to allow inside her," she shouldn’t be allowed to pick out TV channels.

Would this guy hook up with a mentally-handicapped person? How is this different? What about a crack whore? We can agree that would be wrong, right?

In anticipation of all the “Dude, she’s hot, I’d hit it comments,” I’ll concede that, okay, maybe you're drunk too and you’ve always had a crush on her, something happens… Fine, that doesn’t make you the worst person ever. But can’t it end there?

By that I mean, I can’t help but pity people who get plucked from obscurity for some thing they had no control over and permanently labeled the “blank” dude or lady… They didn’t want it, nor ask for it so it sorta sucks for them and for that reason I feel pity. Which makes this all the more insane. This wretched fucking person, knowingly runs arms open towards this embarrassing legacy… The guy who took advantage of a borderline-incompetent person in desperate need of help, that's who he is. You did it, douche! You’ve willing branded yourself as a scumbag.

TheCoolerKing gets that this kind of thing happens all the time and it's part of life, however, sometimes even dead-inside fucks like him can't help but feel bad in the wake of such brazen shittiness.