Sure, those Old Spice ads are pretty goddamn spectacular (even if that stuff probably smells like Deadite). And I know he's on a new series called "Burn Notice" that I've somehow yet to check out... But, I think we can all agree, it's not enough.

Not by a longshot.

Here then, my 9 suggestions for what I'd rather Bruce Fuckin' Campbell were doing right now.

9) Filming another installment in the The Evil Dead, series. No re-make starring some sissy-come-lately, no re-imagining, no "Ash has a kid played by the Dell Computer guy," none of that.

Just film number four, starring Bruce, a shotgun, and a book wrapped in human flesh.

8) Launching "B" the magazine. If it's good enough for Oprah it is undoubtedly good enough for Bruce Campbell. Diet tips, recipes and monthly book recommendations all from Bruce.

7) Starring in a mid-budget, theatrical release that gets legit promotion from a studio. I'll take anything. Bruce as an: underdog ballplayer, down on his luck PI, accountant with a heart of gold, tow-truck driver with a grudge, librarian who never learned how to read. ANYTHING. I don't care, I won't complain, just do it.

6) Making the oft-rumored, yet-to-be delievered sequel to Bubba Ho-Tep supposedly called Bubba Nosferatu. Bruce vs. vampires. Shit yeah.

5) Making and selling handcrafted, custom belt-buckles. Yep... Maybe this one isn't immediately obvious. Basically, I'd like to be at a party sometime, when a random lady looks me up and down before saying, "Nice belt buckle."

At which point, I'd get to say, "Why thank you... BRUCE CAMPBELL MADE IT." I don't know what would happen at that point. But I can tell you it would be awesome.

4) Fighting crime. Yeah, you heard me. I'm sure you're all like "That is ridiculous. The man is an actor, what could he possibly know about law enforcement. He'd get killed."

Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, he displays heretofore untapped and unrealized powers of strength, speed, and deductive reasoning. A born crime-fighting machine sending evil tumbling in his fearsome wake and ushering in a new era of peace, civility, and goodwill towards ones neighbor.

I would not put it past him.

3) Filming the above. So it can be made into a project titled, "The Greatest Reality Show of All-Time." Yup.

2) Writing a new book. Either a sequel to How To Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, or maybe another autobiography.

1) Saving the world!! How? Oh, he knows how...



TheCoolerKing is anxiously awaiting the release of "My Name Is Bruce."