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  • FRIDAY AUGUST 3 2007 8:00 PM

9 Things Bruce Campbell Should Be Doing Right Now

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Bruce Campbell, Ash, The Evil Dead, awesomeness


Sure, those Old Spice ads are pretty goddamn spectacular (even if that stuff probably smells like Deadite). And I know he's on a new series called "Burn Notice" that I've somehow yet to check out... But, I think we can all agree, it's not enough.

Not by a longshot.

Here then, my 9 suggestions for what I'd rather Bruce Fuckin' Campbell were doing right now.

9) Filming another installment in the The Evil Dead, series. No re-make starring some sissy-come-lately, no re-imagining, no "Ash has a kid played by the Dell Computer guy," none of that.

Just film number four, starring Bruce, a shotgun, and a book wrapped in human flesh.

8) Launching "B" the magazine. If it's good enough for Oprah it is undoubtedly good enough for Bruce Campbell. Diet tips, recipes and monthly book recommendations all from Bruce.

7) Starring in a mid-budget, theatrical release that gets legit promotion from a studio. I'll take anything. Bruce as an: underdog ballplayer, down on his luck PI, accountant with a heart of gold, tow-truck driver with a grudge, librarian who never learned how to read. ANYTHING. I don't care, I won't complain, just do it.

6) Making the oft-rumored, yet-to-be delievered sequel to Bubba Ho-Tep supposedly called Bubba Nosferatu. Bruce vs. vampires. Shit yeah.

5) Making and selling handcrafted, custom belt-buckles. Yep... Maybe this one isn't immediately obvious. Basically, I'd like to be at a party sometime, when a random lady looks me up and down before saying, "Nice belt buckle."

At which point, I'd get to say, "Why thank you... BRUCE CAMPBELL MADE IT." I don't know what would happen at that point. But I can tell you it would be awesome.

4) Fighting crime. Yeah, you heard me. I'm sure you're all like "That is ridiculous. The man is an actor, what could he possibly know about law enforcement. He'd get killed."

Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, he displays heretofore untapped and unrealized powers of strength, speed, and deductive reasoning. A born crime-fighting machine sending evil tumbling in his fearsome wake and ushering in a new era of peace, civility, and goodwill towards ones neighbor.

I would not put it past him.

3) Filming the above. So it can be made into a project titled, "The Greatest Reality Show of All-Time." Yup.

2) Writing a new book. Either a sequel to How To Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, or maybe another autobiography.

1) Saving the world!! How? Oh, he knows how...



TheCoolerKing is anxiously awaiting the release of "My Name Is Bruce."

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Comments
Asilanne

Asilanne

USA
March 2006

AUG 03, 2007 10:46 PM

# 1. I concur

# 2. I cant speak for other Lady's but I do know what would happen If I met a guy with one Of Bruce's hand made belt buckles and it WOULD be awesome.

# 3. I think Bruce should battle crime and save the world by taking out Opera, he could be our only hope.

# 4. I believe that "How To Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way" should be mandatory reading for all men over the age of 18.

GeorgeLiquor

GeorgeLiquor

Seattle, WA
June 2007

AUG 03, 2007 11:09 PM

I concur with all above.

Atomh8

Atomh8

Finland
October 2004

AUG 03, 2007 11:19 PM

I'd like to see Bruce Campbell fight the power, bring the noize, and make his backbone slide all at the same time.

Fungi2bw

Fungi2bw

West Roxbury, MA
January 2007

AUG 03, 2007 11:23 PM

What about running for president? At least he'd be able to find Bin Laden - if he were a *zombie*!!

Strobe

Strobe

Anchorage, AK
August 2007

AUG 03, 2007 11:36 PM

CoolerKing has won my eternal admiration. He is my personal hero.

All ass kissing aside, it was reading one of his articles about Steve Mother-Fucking McQueen...kind of that initially got me interested in making an account. Well...that and the women. Mostly the women. But some that.

Then, he makes an article about my personal all time favorite B-Movie/Cameo star extraordinariness filled awesome man, Bruce "Mr. New Jesus" Campbell.

Now all he has to do is make an article about 2 player vs video games, and I'm going to have to do some kidnapping.

To make my post not seem entirely gay and/non-topic, Bruce definitely needs to do SOMETHING again. I mean, the bits and pieces here and there are nice fan-candy, but we want something feature length, dripping wet with the sarcasm that only New Jesus can deliver.

Kemper

Kemper

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

AUG 04, 2007 12:09 AM

YES!

JinkMaiden

JinkMaiden

Duluth, GA
February 2007

AUG 04, 2007 12:10 AM

Asilanne said:
# 3. I think Bruce should battle crime and save the world by taking out Opera, he could be our only hope.
.


This is a fabulous idea...I think you're right.

And for the rest:
I concur. Most definitely. Times infinity.

Cash

Cash

USA
OLD SKOOL

AUG 04, 2007 12:15 AM

CKDexterHaven said:
I've never quite understood the obsession people have with Bruce Campbell. Chuck Norris, perhaps. But BC, not so much.



bite your tongue!

dragonflower

dragonflower

Austin, TX
January 2007

AUG 04, 2007 12:17 AM

i'd kinda like to see "truck driver with a grudge."
but i'm behind anything he does, really.

Strobe

Strobe

Anchorage, AK
August 2007

AUG 04, 2007 12:27 AM

It would really, how the young folks say, rock some socks if they decided to sit New Jesus down with Mister Bitters himself, Roger Ebert. Let them two discuss some movies for awhile. It was cool when it was Siskel and Ebert and I was like...6. I watched it, then. But Roeper? Not so much. If they added NJ to the lineup and dropped WhateverMan, you'd get good quality humor, as well as intelligent debate about the finer and lesser points of the movie they were talking about.





Or he could have his own cartoon. Something like Scooby Doo meets the Tick, and the original Power Rangers. All in one.

saturdaypunk

saturdaypunk

Fort Worth, TX
May 2007

AUG 04, 2007 12:37 AM

CKDexterHaven said:
I've never quite understood the obsession people have with Bruce Campbell. Chuck Norris, perhaps. But BC, not so much.



That would be your cue to go die now.

nothingtonothing

nothingtonothing

San Lorenzo, CA
December 2005

AUG 04, 2007 12:45 AM

Skywisdom said:
Hey, isn't he supposedly making that movie where he plays himself, trying to find monsters for real in a small town in Oregon? That's what I've heard.



That's the last link. My Name Is Bruce should be coming out in September. Stoked.

Oh, and just a small aside, Sam Raimi wants to re-make Evil Dead. Without Ash. My opinion: Evil Dead-Ash=Waste of Time+Money.

SynDigiTal

SynDigiTal

Cleveland, OH
April 2007

AUG 04, 2007 12:58 AM

+1

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

AUG 04, 2007 01:04 AM

Yes.

To all of it.

Tekky

Tekky

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

AUG 04, 2007 01:17 AM

I think Bruce Campbell would rather throw a baby (or five) before making another Evil Dead.

On that note, I get to meet him on the 11th and the Evil Dead musical and I'm way excited and you should all be jealous.

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