Michael Vick: The Ultimate Celebretard

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By now we've learned that many celebrities (or celebretards, as I like to call them) don't exactly demonstrate the sharpest judgment skills. We've gaped and gawked at the lame excuses they've offered for their astonishing stupidity: Paris "didn't know her license was suspended," and Lindsay "was wearing someone else's pants." Uh huh.

But Michael Vick claiming that he "didn't know" what was happening on his property and pleading "not guilty" to dog fighting charges today is too much. His Nov. 26 trial date can't come soon enough. No matter which name you call him by, Michael Vick (AKA Ron Mexico, AKA Ookie) is a fucking celebretard of the highest order.

His 10-year, $130 million contract and (quickly dwindling) $7 million yearly endorsement portfolio have obviously warped his brain and led him to believe that he's above the law. His incredible stupidity and gall would almost be comical if not for the numerous dogs that he forcibly bred, trained to be killers, tortured, injected, tethered to car axles, starved, shot, electrocuted and drowned. Dan Shannon of the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals, said lack of prosecution is [a] reason why dog fighting has not grabbed headlines.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't get brought to justice that often," he said. "People don't hear about it because there's not a lot of high profile cases." The potential silver lining here is that as a celebretard, Michael Vick's fame has brought to light (and hopefully will bring to an end) the cruel and barbaric activity of dog fighting. Mr. Vick faces a maximum penalty of six years in jail and a $350,000 fine if convicted. The N.F.L. could also take punitive action against Mr. Vick, perhaps jeopardizing the 10-year, $130 million contract he signed with the Falcons in 2002. Not to mention probable, upcoming charges of racketeering based on the gambling aspects of dogfighting.

Do they have rape stands in prison?

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