I'm going to be a very rich man. You see, I've discovered a secret formula for making everything in your life seem better. The book you're reading not that interesting? Your husband's jokes not as funny as you'd like? Bored with recent episodes of "Entourage"?

Try watching the trailer for Who's Your Caddy?



Done not laughing? Now look back at your life... Not so bad, is it? That book actually has some fairly interesting dialogue. Your husband's joke was subtle and true to life. "Entourage" didn't feature a rapper acting... I bet the flowers even smell better! People often miss the upside of something "lowering the bar," that upside being, formerly mediocre things become awesome.

When you click on a trailer for a movie titled Who's Your Caddy? you're not expecting much. I didn't anticipate any edges cut or boundaries pushed... Though, I was hoping not to see a shot for shot (plot for plot?) rip-off of Caddyshack.

This movies seems to have sprung from a weird early '80s period when rap music was still considered "edgy" and dangerous... The title doesn't make much sense either until you recall that during the '90s unappealing types in bowling shirts would sometimes ask you "Who's your daddy?" I'm not sure in which time period or dimension a joke about putting rims on a golf cart would be considered funny... but I wish they'd send it back there.

Here's a checklist you can use to decide if you'd like to see this movie.

- Does the sight of an angry midget yelling at and threatening to beat up a full-sized human make you chuckle, every single time you see it. Did you start laughing when you got to the word midget?

- Have you often wondered (possibly aloud) about what it would be like if a white kid from the suburbs were to suddenly act black? Why has no one tackled this yet? Seems like it could be funny, no?

- Do you enjoy stodgy, white "squares" doing spit-takes, getting hit in the nuts and sat on by fat people?

If you answered yes to any of these questions please stop breathing immediately.

Believe it or not, the following is a genuine description of the movie. It's actually not a parody and was produced by people who'd like you to see the film. Notice the overflow of catchy "buzz words" that ad agencies from the '50s once used to sell you soda pop. Feel free to read it with the sarcastic tone you'd use with a stupid person.

"Bring down the club's backwards establishment..." It's about time. Imagine, a golf club that doesn't allow dancing and loud music on the course! No helicopters allowed? Fuck you! (Cue loud guitar chord. Err, I'm sorry, cue loud "beats.")

Here's something to keep in mind. When slack-jawed, retard Andy Milonakis is the funniest guy in your movie, don't make your movie.*




* I actually like Jeffrey Jones and Terry Crews and find them both 1000 times funnier than Milonakis... I, uh, just wanted the joke.


TheCoolerKing anxiously awaits the inevitable "Calm down it's just a movie," post.