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  • TUESDAY JULY 10 2007 8:00 PM

Steve McQueen's Corpse Rolls Over, Cocks Loaded .45

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt, Bullitt, remakes



It seems Brad Pitt is remaking the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt.

I like Brad Pitt. Even though it makes my job that much harder, I have to admit, he's good. In theory, he's hate-able. In execution, he's actually a laid back-seeming guy, underrated actor and a pretty good movie "tough guy."

What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen. They could've done worse, but, ideally, they wouldn't have done it at all.

McQueen was and is, the coolest. His movies should be left alone, in some place where awesome things go to be awesome. I'd sooner see you remake the bible with a wise-cracking "Hay-zeus" who sports a goatee and drives a jet boat-Ark... Or re-do the Mona Lisa with indiglo paint, a hidden eye gimmick and Waldo. (I found these references in a book on 1998. It was pretty good.)

How about a remake/re-imagining called Citizen Cane, featuring the animated misadventures of a lovable walking stick and the people he helps, voiced with re-cut Orson Welles' clips. How about you take that idea...

Or the umpteenth variation on one of those poignant, "We thought we were teaching him.. but he was teaching us... Hold on, we actually were teaching him after all," feel good films about a mentally-challenged, Native American Martian. (See, he was Native American but raised by Martians who, at some point, accidentally damaged his brain.)

But no, they had to go and try to remake a classic. Did Alec Baldwin do such a good job on The Getaway? Did Pierce Brosnan hit The Thomas Crown Affair, out of the park? The answers are "no" and "no." Oh, I'm not linking to their imdb pages but if you crave mediocrity, go take a look.

I know it's been said far too many times but please stop remaking movies. This film is as kick-ass as it will ever be. '68 Mustang, iconic turtleneck, Steve McQueen playing "Frank Bullitt," and the greatest car chase ever put on film.

Get ready for '08 Mustang (as well as every other car Ford makes thanks to the inevitable product placement), a shirt unbuttoned to the waist for no apparent reason, Pitt playing "Ray Gunz," and a CGI cluster-fuck. No doubt set to the this song, which one guy loved so much in Kill Bill he decided to put it in his own movie. That's cool, right?

Without McQueen this is a standard idea. Renegade cop crosses the line to protect a witness, drives cars fast. Is this a story Hollywood has yet to tackle post-Bullitt? It is? Then go make it and call it something else.

According to legend, McQueen and the film's director were allowed to ride along with the San Francisco Police. The cops didn't care for McQueen and tried to spook him by inviting him on a tour of the city morgue. Unfazed, McQueen showed up carrying a sack lunch... I had a hack joke involving Pitt bringing a vomit bag all set to go, then came to my senses. Like I said, I like Pitt. So, let's just say that maybe Pitt would've shown up with an apple, but I'm betting McQueen ate oysters.

TheCoolerKing, who took his very own name from a McQueen film, is guessing not enough people know who McQueen is to bother clicking on this article.

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Comments
reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 05:47 PM

jason said:

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.


The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.


Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.


if you hand someone a gun with a full clip and they ask if it is loaded, would you say 'no' because the chamber is empty?



Well, I'd never do that, since I'm not a moron, so, I don't know.

If the hammer (or bolt) falls and the gun doesn't go off, its not loaded. Not a complex fucking concept.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 05:48 PM

FearTheReaper said:

jason said:

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.


The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.


Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.


if you hand someone a gun with a full clip and they ask if it is loaded, would you say 'no' because the chamber is empty?



Reprobate is the master of adamently being wrong. Here I am, on a different computer, so he is not on ignore, and the first thing I read is him making an incorrect statement.

At least he's consistent. (and angry, shiver)

Now to put the ultimate waste of time back on ignore.



You keep saying that, and yet can't actually produce an example.

I think that's why you're so sexy.

jason

jason

USA
August 2002

JUL 11, 2007 05:51 PM

reprobate said:

jason said:

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.


The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.


Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.


if you hand someone a gun with a full clip and they ask if it is loaded, would you say 'no' because the chamber is empty?


If the hammer (or bolt) falls and the gun doesn't go off, its not loaded.


i can totally see some guy thinking/saying that right before BLAM!


TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 06:11 PM

reprobate said:


WOW. You actually corrected me on a typo, after I TOLD YOU TO FIND ME A TYPO! Hahahaha... What else do you do on command?

And once again, to rebut your bullshit and lack of knowledge, the SLIDE COCKS THE HAMMER BACK. That's what is does.

Go lie down, you've had a tough day... Maybe you can get me on the next one... which goes live at 8 pm!

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JUL 11, 2007 06:45 PM

reprobate said:
If the hammer (or bolt) falls and the gun doesn't go off, its not loaded. Not a complex fucking concept.



If it's a revolver and the cylinder thing is totally filled up except the one hole thingie where the bullet tube thing is is empty is that an unloaded gun ?

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 06:50 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

reprobate said:


WOW. You actually corrected me on a typo, after I TOLD YOU TO FIND ME A TYPO! Hahahaha... What else do you do on command?

And once again, to rebut your bullshit and lack of knowledge, the SLIDE COCKS THE HAMMER BACK. That's what is does.

Go lie down, you've had a tough day... Maybe you can get me on the next one... which goes live at 8 pm!




Apparently, you don't know what a typo is, either.

Look, there are three options here. Either: Zombie Steve "cocks" a gun thats already cocked and loaded, which makes no fucking sense, zombie Steve cocks the hammer on an empty chamber, which also makes no fucking sense, or you fucked up trying to write something that sounded cool, which makes a lot of sense. Occam's razor.

Now you can keep digging if you wish, but real men admit when they make mistakes. It's really not that hard. Your penis won't shrink a bit, I promise.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 06:53 PM

chainlink said:

reprobate said:
If the hammer (or bolt) falls and the gun doesn't go off, its not loaded. Not a complex fucking concept.



If it's a revolver and the cylinder thing is totally filled up except the one hole thingie where the bullet tube thing is is empty is that an unloaded gun ?



I see what you're getting at, but you probably want to be pointing the gun in a very safe direction if you do that. Revolvers fire on the next chamber, not the one under the hammer. Unless of course you, like Steve, have cocked a loaded gun. wink

Why am I suddenly Mr. Gun, here, anyway?

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 06:56 PM

jason said:

reprobate said:

jason said:

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.


The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.


Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.


if you hand someone a gun with a full clip and they ask if it is loaded, would you say 'no' because the chamber is empty?


If the hammer (or bolt) falls and the gun doesn't go off, its not loaded.


i can totally see some guy thinking/saying that right before BLAM!




Me too, kinda looks like Eli Wallach, likes to say how much things suck. You know the guy.

tech29

tech29

I'm lost
July 2004

JUL 11, 2007 07:16 PM

Brad Pitt is no fucking Steve McQeen .... nuff said

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 07:29 PM

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:

reprobate said:


WOW. You actually corrected me on a typo, after I TOLD YOU TO FIND ME A TYPO! Hahahaha... What else do you do on command?

And once again, to rebut your bullshit and lack of knowledge, the SLIDE COCKS THE HAMMER BACK. That's what is does.

Go lie down, you've had a tough day... Maybe you can get me on the next one... which goes live at 8 pm!




Apparently, you don't know what a typo is, either.

Look, there are three options here. Either: Zombie Steve "cocks" a gun thats already cocked and loaded, which makes no fucking sense, zombie Steve cocks the hammer on an empty chamber, which also makes no fucking sense, or you fucked up trying to write something that sounded cool, which makes a lot of sense. Occam's razor.

Now you can keep digging if you wish, but real men admit when they make mistakes. It's really not that hard. Your penis won't shrink a bit, I promise.



Sigh. Many, many people keep an empty casing in the gun to make it easier on the firing pin when stored. My uncle is one of them, and he had to eject an empty before chambering a live round and shooting, not four days ago in upstate NY. If you hurry you can probably still find it.

I gave you two scenarios for cocking a loaded gun. You disproved neither. And you conveniently side-stepped my multiple scenarios illustrating how a loaded clip is considered a loaded gun.

Here is yet a third scenario involving cocking a loaded gun, suggested by chainlink. The .45 is a revolver. Let's say a .45 long colt. Loaded, hammer resting on spent casing (either to protect the pin OR from a shot just fired) and yet you can still cock it. But?? I thought you-- I mean--

Or, in your fantasy gun world, are revolvers not loaded unless completely full?

Yeah.

The "ejecting a live round" scenario was me mocking you. And yet, it is still 100 percent accurate and one more example of, yep, cocking a loaded gun.

You jumped when you thought you saw an opening... you saw wrong. I can cut and paste the above as many times as you need to read it.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 11, 2007 07:35 PM

reprobate said:
Now you can keep digging if you wish, but real men admit when they make mistakes. It's really not that hard. Your penis won't shrink a bit, I promise.



Pot, met kettle. Having a discussion with you is like talking to somebody's angry grandpa.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 11, 2007 07:39 PM

reprobate said:

FearTheReaper said:

Reprobate is the master of adamently being wrong. Here I am, on a different computer, so he is not on ignore, and the first thing I read is him making an incorrect statement.



You keep saying that, and yet can't actually produce an example.

I think that's why you're so sexy.



Here you go, sport.


reprobate said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.




I didn't have to go far, Mr. I Always Look For The Smallest Detail To Attack In A Thread Instead Of Talking About The Topic At Hand.

You and monstruc are quite a pair.

that_kat

that_kat

Rolla, MO
October 2004

JUL 11, 2007 07:42 PM

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

GrumpyGringo

GrumpyGringo

Fort Worth, TX
June 2007

JUL 11, 2007 07:45 PM

curtisdead said:
does this mean a remake of Vanishing Point with Michael Madsen & Ice Cube?



BLASPHEMY!

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 07:47 PM

FearTheReaper said:

reprobate said:
Now you can keep digging if you wish, but real men admit when they make mistakes. It's really not that hard. Your penis won't shrink a bit, I promise.



Pot, met kettle. Having a discussion with you is like talking to somebody's angry grandpa.



How would you know? You talk out of your ass, scream I'm wrong, and put me on "ignore" while weighing in to take cheap pot shots.

Seriously, plenty of people have asked you for an example of where I'm so terribly mistaken, how about it?

As for angry, you're the one pushing 600 articles of telling the world how much it sucks, and that many plus responses telling anyone who disagrees with you how much they suck. I just make fun of you for it.

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