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  • TUESDAY JULY 10 2007 8:00 PM

Steve McQueen's Corpse Rolls Over, Cocks Loaded .45

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt, Bullitt, remakes



It seems Brad Pitt is remaking the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt.

I like Brad Pitt. Even though it makes my job that much harder, I have to admit, he's good. In theory, he's hate-able. In execution, he's actually a laid back-seeming guy, underrated actor and a pretty good movie "tough guy."

What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen. They could've done worse, but, ideally, they wouldn't have done it at all.

McQueen was and is, the coolest. His movies should be left alone, in some place where awesome things go to be awesome. I'd sooner see you remake the bible with a wise-cracking "Hay-zeus" who sports a goatee and drives a jet boat-Ark... Or re-do the Mona Lisa with indiglo paint, a hidden eye gimmick and Waldo. (I found these references in a book on 1998. It was pretty good.)

How about a remake/re-imagining called Citizen Cane, featuring the animated misadventures of a lovable walking stick and the people he helps, voiced with re-cut Orson Welles' clips. How about you take that idea...

Or the umpteenth variation on one of those poignant, "We thought we were teaching him.. but he was teaching us... Hold on, we actually were teaching him after all," feel good films about a mentally-challenged, Native American Martian. (See, he was Native American but raised by Martians who, at some point, accidentally damaged his brain.)

But no, they had to go and try to remake a classic. Did Alec Baldwin do such a good job on The Getaway? Did Pierce Brosnan hit The Thomas Crown Affair, out of the park? The answers are "no" and "no." Oh, I'm not linking to their imdb pages but if you crave mediocrity, go take a look.

I know it's been said far too many times but please stop remaking movies. This film is as kick-ass as it will ever be. '68 Mustang, iconic turtleneck, Steve McQueen playing "Frank Bullitt," and the greatest car chase ever put on film.

Get ready for '08 Mustang (as well as every other car Ford makes thanks to the inevitable product placement), a shirt unbuttoned to the waist for no apparent reason, Pitt playing "Ray Gunz," and a CGI cluster-fuck. No doubt set to the this song, which one guy loved so much in Kill Bill he decided to put it in his own movie. That's cool, right?

Without McQueen this is a standard idea. Renegade cop crosses the line to protect a witness, drives cars fast. Is this a story Hollywood has yet to tackle post-Bullitt? It is? Then go make it and call it something else.

According to legend, McQueen and the film's director were allowed to ride along with the San Francisco Police. The cops didn't care for McQueen and tried to spook him by inviting him on a tour of the city morgue. Unfazed, McQueen showed up carrying a sack lunch... I had a hack joke involving Pitt bringing a vomit bag all set to go, then came to my senses. Like I said, I like Pitt. So, let's just say that maybe Pitt would've shown up with an apple, but I'm betting McQueen ate oysters.

TheCoolerKing, who took his very own name from a McQueen film, is guessing not enough people know who McQueen is to bother clicking on this article.

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WADO

WADO

Brooklyn, NY
March 2006

JUL 11, 2007 03:47 PM

FearTheReaper said:
Fuck no. The man was a God. He threatened a studio executive with a chain saw, he patented his own race car seat, he was a third degree black belt, broke his foot during a motocross race - and still finished in the top ten, he flew airplanes, he was a Marine, he worked as as stuntman in the movie "Dixie Dynamite because he was BORED, and he punched a horse.


I said, 'This one' and I pointed to the black horse. He'd just been broken, and he had a very tender mouth, and he was shaking all the time, almost like a thoroughbred, very nervous. I got on him, and he bucked me right away, and it took quite a while to subdue him.

So this decided me in his favor, I wouldn't have any other horse. We got him onto the sound stage, and that's where we made a mistake. Because you can't take a horse and put him on a sound stage with all those strong lights and deep shadows. A horse walks from the lights to the shadows and he can' t see. And then he bumps into something, and then he hears strange noises and gets even more nervous. And he starts kicking. So, the first week we were shooting, the horse kicks out four or five lights, bites other horses, broke my big toe stamping up and down and bit me in the back about four times.

That was the beginning and it went on for all of three years. That horse and I fought for three years. Both of us went on winning. He would step on me--on purpose. Just reach over and go right on my foot. Again and again. And I'd punch him each time for stepping on me, but he would do it again. We never did compromise. The sonofabitch, no matter how much he was paid back in kind, he stood his place. He was black with white stocking feet, and his name was Ringo, and we really loved each other. But he never surrendered and this is how he taught me a lesson. He proved better than me, and smarter--and he beat me.



What the fuck has Brad Pitt done?



That is the second best horse story I ever heard. The first is way better, but sad, depressing, and ultimately grotesque as shit. That one ends with an alcoholic who in this lifetime has only ever loved the animals he's cared for jumping down into a grave to break the legs of his favorite horse ever so that it can be buried.

Scopitone

Scopitone

Irvine, CA
OLD SKOOL

JUL 11, 2007 04:05 PM

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 04:29 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

smithers_jones said:

FearTheReaper said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Fuck no. The man was a God. He threatened a studio executive with a chain saw, he patented his own race car seat, he was a third degree black belt, broke his foot during a motocross race - and still finished in the top ten, he flew airplanes, he was a Marine, he worked as as stuntman in the movie "Dixie Dynamite because he was BORED, and he punched a horse.


I said, 'This one' and I pointed to the black horse. He'd just been broken, and he had a very tender mouth, and he was shaking all the time, almost like a thoroughbred, very nervous. I got on him, and he bucked me right away, and it took quite a while to subdue him.

So this decided me in his favor, I wouldn't have any other horse. We got him onto the sound stage, and that's where we made a mistake. Because you can't take a horse and put him on a sound stage with all those strong lights and deep shadows. A horse walks from the lights to the shadows and he can' t see. And then he bumps into something, and then he hears strange noises and gets even more nervous. And he starts kicking. So, the first week we were shooting, the horse kicks out four or five lights, bites other horses, broke my big toe stamping up and down and bit me in the back about four times.

That was the beginning and it went on for all of three years. That horse and I fought for three years. Both of us went on winning. He would step on me--on purpose. Just reach over and go right on my foot. Again and again. And I'd punch him each time for stepping on me, but he would do it again. We never did compromise. The sonofabitch, no matter how much he was paid back in kind, he stood his place. He was black with white stocking feet, and his name was Ringo, and we really loved each other. But he never surrendered and this is how he taught me a lesson. He proved better than me, and smarter--and he beat me.



What the fuck has Brad Pitt done?


Angelina Jolie which is > punching a horse.
I, on the other hand, once pet Elvis's pony.



Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 04:39 PM


TheCoolerKing said:
Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



reprobate said:
Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.



The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.

Also, how do you knock someone for something they were already being self-deprecating about... and still fuck it up?

Nice job all around...


Scopitone

Scopitone

Irvine, CA
OLD SKOOL

JUL 11, 2007 04:43 PM

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:

smithers_jones said:

FearTheReaper said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Fuck no. The man was a God. He threatened a studio executive with a chain saw, he patented his own race car seat, he was a third degree black belt, broke his foot during a motocross race - and still finished in the top ten, he flew airplanes, he was a Marine, he worked as as stuntman in the movie "Dixie Dynamite because he was BORED, and he punched a horse.


I said, 'This one' and I pointed to the black horse. He'd just been broken, and he had a very tender mouth, and he was shaking all the time, almost like a thoroughbred, very nervous. I got on him, and he bucked me right away, and it took quite a while to subdue him.

So this decided me in his favor, I wouldn't have any other horse. We got him onto the sound stage, and that's where we made a mistake. Because you can't take a horse and put him on a sound stage with all those strong lights and deep shadows. A horse walks from the lights to the shadows and he can' t see. And then he bumps into something, and then he hears strange noises and gets even more nervous. And he starts kicking. So, the first week we were shooting, the horse kicks out four or five lights, bites other horses, broke my big toe stamping up and down and bit me in the back about four times.

That was the beginning and it went on for all of three years. That horse and I fought for three years. Both of us went on winning. He would step on me--on purpose. Just reach over and go right on my foot. Again and again. And I'd punch him each time for stepping on me, but he would do it again. We never did compromise. The sonofabitch, no matter how much he was paid back in kind, he stood his place. He was black with white stocking feet, and his name was Ringo, and we really loved each other. But he never surrendered and this is how he taught me a lesson. He proved better than me, and smarter--and he beat me.



What the fuck has Brad Pitt done?


Angelina Jolie which is > punching a horse.
I, on the other hand, once pet Elvis's pony.



Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.



Much easier. Don't come in here with your square reality and piss on the legend we're all trying desperately to remember in our own special way. If he hadn't gone out at the age he did then we all would have been forced to deal with the right wing christian stressed out drug addled paranoid born again he ultimately (and tragically) became.

I love McQueen and I think this is a lame idea but it will make millions and Pitt gets to live out a fantasy any man would shoot a cop in the mouth to enjoy.

Also, they're uh, ya know, not going to burn every fucking copy of the original version of Bullitt.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 04:58 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

TheCoolerKing said:
Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



reprobate said:
Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.



The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.



Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.

Also, how do you knock someone for something they were already being self-deprecating about... and still fuck it up?



Fantastic subject matter.

Nice job all around...



Everything I learned about the entire universe being fit only for scorn and derision, I learned from you and FTR, so please, take a bow.

guerillasphere

guerillasphere

San Francisco, CA
March 2006

JUL 11, 2007 05:02 PM

Spats said:
The only actor alive right now who could possibly take the torch from McQueen is Daniel Craig. They even look alike.


I like the idea of Daniel Craig too but he's too deep in Bond now.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 05:12 PM

Scopitone said:

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:

smithers_jones said:

FearTheReaper said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Fuck no. The man was a God. He threatened a studio executive with a chain saw, he patented his own race car seat, he was a third degree black belt, broke his foot during a motocross race - and still finished in the top ten, he flew airplanes, he was a Marine, he worked as as stuntman in the movie "Dixie Dynamite because he was BORED, and he punched a horse.


I said, 'This one' and I pointed to the black horse. He'd just been broken, and he had a very tender mouth, and he was shaking all the time, almost like a thoroughbred, very nervous. I got on him, and he bucked me right away, and it took quite a while to subdue him.

So this decided me in his favor, I wouldn't have any other horse. We got him onto the sound stage, and that's where we made a mistake. Because you can't take a horse and put him on a sound stage with all those strong lights and deep shadows. A horse walks from the lights to the shadows and he can' t see. And then he bumps into something, and then he hears strange noises and gets even more nervous. And he starts kicking. So, the first week we were shooting, the horse kicks out four or five lights, bites other horses, broke my big toe stamping up and down and bit me in the back about four times.

That was the beginning and it went on for all of three years. That horse and I fought for three years. Both of us went on winning. He would step on me--on purpose. Just reach over and go right on my foot. Again and again. And I'd punch him each time for stepping on me, but he would do it again. We never did compromise. The sonofabitch, no matter how much he was paid back in kind, he stood his place. He was black with white stocking feet, and his name was Ringo, and we really loved each other. But he never surrendered and this is how he taught me a lesson. He proved better than me, and smarter--and he beat me.



What the fuck has Brad Pitt done?


Angelina Jolie which is > punching a horse.
I, on the other hand, once pet Elvis's pony.



Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.



Much easier. Don't come in here with your square reality and piss on the legend we're all trying desperately to remember in our own special way. If he hadn't gone out at the age he did then we all would have been forced to deal with the right wing christian stressed out drug addled paranoid born again he ultimately (and tragically) became.

I love McQueen and I think this is a lame idea but it will make millions and Pitt gets to live out a fantasy any man would shoot a cop in the mouth to enjoy.

Also, they're uh, ya know, not going to burn every fucking copy of the original version of Bullitt.



You left out kleptomaniac.

But, we'll always have James Coburn

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 05:14 PM

reprobate said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


TheCoolerKing said:

TheCoolerKing said:
Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



reprobate said:
Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.



The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.



Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.

Also, how do you knock someone for something they were already being self-deprecating about... and still fuck it up?



Fantastic subject matter.

Nice job all around...



Everything I learned about the entire universe being fit only for scorn and derision, I learned from you and FTR, so please, take a bow.



Wrong again, stupid. So, in every movie where a guy is given an unloaded gun to fuck him over, I guess that meant there were bullets in the clip but since they weren't chambered they don't count? Or, when I'm transporting guns thru the airport and they ask me if they're loaded, I say no, you're saying the cops will be totally cool with finding bullets in the clip? Loaded into clip, loaded into chamber, BOTH loaded.

Here's the second way you're wrong. Aforementioned Steve McQueen has loaded clip and one in chamber, pulls back clip, ejecting live round and chambering new one. Cocks. Loaded. Gun.

Go back and scan the article again, maybe you can catch me on a typo or something.

Also, sounds like someeebody's in luuuvvvvvvvv with FTRRRRR..... I'll keep your secret, don't worry.

jason

jason

USA
August 2002

JUL 11, 2007 05:17 PM

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.


The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.


Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.


if you hand someone a gun with a full clip and they ask if it is loaded, would you say 'no' because the chamber is empty?

smithers_jones

smithers_jones

I'm lost
November 2003

JUL 11, 2007 05:20 PM

FearTheReaper said:
and he punched a horse.


Come to think of it, didn't he also punch his wife?

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 11, 2007 05:23 PM

jason said:

reprobate said:

TheCoolerKing said:
PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.


The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.


Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.


if you hand someone a gun with a full clip and they ask if it is loaded, would you say 'no' because the chamber is empty?



Reprobate is the master of adamently being wrong. Here I am, on a different computer, so he is not on ignore, and the first thing I read is him making an incorrect statement.

At least he's consistent. (and angry, shiver)

Now to put the ultimate waste of time back on ignore.

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 11, 2007 05:23 PM

smithers_jones said:

FearTheReaper said:
and he punched a horse.


Come to think of it, didn't he also punch his wife?



To be fair, it was halloween and she was dressed like a horse.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 05:29 PM

FearTheReaper said:

smithers_jones said:

FearTheReaper said:
and he punched a horse.


Come to think of it, didn't he also punch his wife?



To be fair, it was halloween and she was dressed like a horse.



AAHAHAHAHAHA! Nicely done...

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 05:42 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

reprobate said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


TheCoolerKing said:

TheCoolerKing said:
Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?



reprobate said:
Because it's easier to idolize a guy whose been dead for 25 years and live vicariously though him than to actually earn it yourself?

PS: You cant cock a loaded .45.



The .45 sitting three feet from me says different. Full clip in, chamber empty and closed, cock back and release.



Loaded means there is a round in the chamber, Doc, but you stick to your story.

Also, how do you knock someone for something they were already being self-deprecating about... and still fuck it up?



Fantastic subject matter.

Nice job all around...



Everything I learned about the entire universe being fit only for scorn and derision, I learned from you and FTR, so please, take a bow.



Wrong again, stupid. So, in every movie where a guy is given an unloaded gun to fuck him over, I guess that meant there were bullets in the clip but since they weren't chambered they don't count? Or, when I'm transporting guns thru the airport and they ask me if they're loaded, I say no, you're saying the cops will be totally cool with finding bullets in the clip? Loaded into clip, loaded into chamber, BOTH loaded.

Here's the second way you're wrong. Aforementioned Steve McQueen has loaded clip and one in chamber, pulls back clip, ejecting live round and chambering new one. Cocks. Loaded. Gun.



Look, given your sunny disposition, I suppose it might be necessary to keep a loaded gun within arms reach, but really, do yourself a favor, lock it up until you at least learn the names of the parts, much less basic firearms safetly.

Firstly, you meant "pulls back slide, ejecting live round and chambering new one. Cocks. Loaded. Gun." Secondly, you don't cock a slide. You can rack a slide, you can even cycle the action, but you cock a trigger and or a hammer.

When you've mastered the basics, we can discuss things like double action semi autos and open bolt carriages since apparently your dad never taught you about guns.

Or you can just admit you fucked up.

Oh, and yeah, I would totally do FTR

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