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  • TUESDAY JULY 10 2007 8:00 PM

Steve McQueen's Corpse Rolls Over, Cocks Loaded .45

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt, Bullitt, remakes



It seems Brad Pitt is remaking the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt.

I like Brad Pitt. Even though it makes my job that much harder, I have to admit, he's good. In theory, he's hate-able. In execution, he's actually a laid back-seeming guy, underrated actor and a pretty good movie "tough guy."

What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen. They could've done worse, but, ideally, they wouldn't have done it at all.

McQueen was and is, the coolest. His movies should be left alone, in some place where awesome things go to be awesome. I'd sooner see you remake the bible with a wise-cracking "Hay-zeus" who sports a goatee and drives a jet boat-Ark... Or re-do the Mona Lisa with indiglo paint, a hidden eye gimmick and Waldo. (I found these references in a book on 1998. It was pretty good.)

How about a remake/re-imagining called Citizen Cane, featuring the animated misadventures of a lovable walking stick and the people he helps, voiced with re-cut Orson Welles' clips. How about you take that idea...

Or the umpteenth variation on one of those poignant, "We thought we were teaching him.. but he was teaching us... Hold on, we actually were teaching him after all," feel good films about a mentally-challenged, Native American Martian. (See, he was Native American but raised by Martians who, at some point, accidentally damaged his brain.)

But no, they had to go and try to remake a classic. Did Alec Baldwin do such a good job on The Getaway? Did Pierce Brosnan hit The Thomas Crown Affair, out of the park? The answers are "no" and "no." Oh, I'm not linking to their imdb pages but if you crave mediocrity, go take a look.

I know it's been said far too many times but please stop remaking movies. This film is as kick-ass as it will ever be. '68 Mustang, iconic turtleneck, Steve McQueen playing "Frank Bullitt," and the greatest car chase ever put on film.

Get ready for '08 Mustang (as well as every other car Ford makes thanks to the inevitable product placement), a shirt unbuttoned to the waist for no apparent reason, Pitt playing "Ray Gunz," and a CGI cluster-fuck. No doubt set to the this song, which one guy loved so much in Kill Bill he decided to put it in his own movie. That's cool, right?

Without McQueen this is a standard idea. Renegade cop crosses the line to protect a witness, drives cars fast. Is this a story Hollywood has yet to tackle post-Bullitt? It is? Then go make it and call it something else.

According to legend, McQueen and the film's director were allowed to ride along with the San Francisco Police. The cops didn't care for McQueen and tried to spook him by inviting him on a tour of the city morgue. Unfazed, McQueen showed up carrying a sack lunch... I had a hack joke involving Pitt bringing a vomit bag all set to go, then came to my senses. Like I said, I like Pitt. So, let's just say that maybe Pitt would've shown up with an apple, but I'm betting McQueen ate oysters.

TheCoolerKing, who took his very own name from a McQueen film, is guessing not enough people know who McQueen is to bother clicking on this article.

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Comments
kaffeine

kaffeine

Montreal, QC
December 2004

JUL 11, 2007 10:03 AM

Rafi said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

bigdaddyfix said:

As for remaking movies, who the hell cares? Does it lessen your enjoyment of the original that you hold so sacred? I can enjoy both versions of The Thomas Crown Affair or Ocean's Eleven or even The Italian Job. Hate away, I'll be busy not giving a damn what you think, just like Steve would have.



Agreed. If it's that important to you that your memory of the original not be tainted, just don't see it. I have no plans to do so. And if your treasured impressions of it are so tenuous that they can be impinged upon by seeing a remake or merely the ad campaign for it, maybe you weren't as influenced by the film as you thought.




I think you both miss the bigger point, which is that a film like Bullit doesn't need to be re-made, regardless of who stars, directs, or supplies the vehicles. The real motivation behind the indignation you're finding here is more about a lack of original screenplays coming out of Hollywood than it is about lame attempts to improve on past triumphs. (Though said lame attempts are decidedly so, and, arguably, worth bitching about as it is.)

KushielsScion

KushielsScion

Gardendale, AL
May 2004

JUL 11, 2007 10:16 AM

You can't replace or redo a film starring the man known as the 'essence of cool' without fucking it up. I like Brad Pitt, but this is a bad, bad idea.

Spats

Spats

North Hollywood, CA
September 2006

JUL 11, 2007 10:33 AM

The only actor alive right now who could possibly take the torch from McQueen is Daniel Craig. They even look alike.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

JUL 11, 2007 11:12 AM

buddhak said:
The greatest chase scene ever? It was four fucking shots from 16 angles used over and over again. Don't believe me? Look for the VW bug that shows up every third or fourth shot till they get out in the open and the bad guys crash. I much prefer the final chase in the remake of Gone in 60 Seconds (up until the stupid jump that almost killed it and definitely would have killed the car on the landing). And BTW, I know one of the guys who played a cop in the original Sixty Seconds (His name is JC Agajanian Jr. and he's a great guy to talk cars with, and couldn't be nicer). Despite all of that, I still don't want to see them remake Bullit, it is a true classic and doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. But I won't get really pissed off till the try to remake Play Misty For Me.



Ummm, the backgrounds appear repeatedly because, strangely enough, they didn't shut down every street in San Fransico to film it. That scene took three weeks, and the entire production unit, to film.

If you're going to talk out of your ass, you might not want to do it about one of the most thoroughly documented scenes in modern film history.

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

JUL 11, 2007 11:49 AM

kaffeine said:

Rafi said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

bigdaddyfix said:

As for remaking movies, who the hell cares? Does it lessen your enjoyment of the original that you hold so sacred? I can enjoy both versions of The Thomas Crown Affair or Ocean's Eleven or even The Italian Job. Hate away, I'll be busy not giving a damn what you think, just like Steve would have.



Agreed. If it's that important to you that your memory of the original not be tainted, just don't see it. I have no plans to do so. And if your treasured impressions of it are so tenuous that they can be impinged upon by seeing a remake or merely the ad campaign for it, maybe you weren't as influenced by the film as you thought.




I think you both miss the bigger point, which is that a film like Bullit doesn't need to be re-made, regardless of who stars, directs, or supplies the vehicles. The real motivation behind the indignation you're finding here is more about a lack of original screenplays coming out of Hollywood than it is about lame attempts to improve on past triumphs. (Though said lame attempts are decidedly so, and, arguably, worth bitching about as it is.)



Fair enough. You'll find no argument from me about mainstream Hollywood's lack of innovation. I've always wondered what the point of the fool's game of remaking great, nearly perfect films - film's that are basically impossible to top in quality - while, if you're going to remake a movie, there are a ton that had great potential in their premise but failed to deliver in their execution.

But yeah, an actually original screenplay to start with would be nice.

smithers_jones

smithers_jones

I'm lost
November 2003

JUL 11, 2007 12:00 PM

FearTheReaper said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Fuck no. The man was a God. He threatened a studio executive with a chain saw, he patented his own race car seat, he was a third degree black belt, broke his foot during a motocross race - and still finished in the top ten, he flew airplanes, he was a Marine, he worked as as stuntman in the movie "Dixie Dynamite because he was BORED, and he punched a horse.


I said, 'This one' and I pointed to the black horse. He'd just been broken, and he had a very tender mouth, and he was shaking all the time, almost like a thoroughbred, very nervous. I got on him, and he bucked me right away, and it took quite a while to subdue him.

So this decided me in his favor, I wouldn't have any other horse. We got him onto the sound stage, and that's where we made a mistake. Because you can't take a horse and put him on a sound stage with all those strong lights and deep shadows. A horse walks from the lights to the shadows and he can' t see. And then he bumps into something, and then he hears strange noises and gets even more nervous. And he starts kicking. So, the first week we were shooting, the horse kicks out four or five lights, bites other horses, broke my big toe stamping up and down and bit me in the back about four times.

That was the beginning and it went on for all of three years. That horse and I fought for three years. Both of us went on winning. He would step on me--on purpose. Just reach over and go right on my foot. Again and again. And I'd punch him each time for stepping on me, but he would do it again. We never did compromise. The sonofabitch, no matter how much he was paid back in kind, he stood his place. He was black with white stocking feet, and his name was Ringo, and we really loved each other. But he never surrendered and this is how he taught me a lesson. He proved better than me, and smarter--and he beat me.



What the fuck has Brad Pitt done?


Angelina Jolie which is > punching a horse.
I, on the other hand, once pet Elvis's pony.

Cassiel

Cassiel

Aurora, CO
September 2004

JUL 11, 2007 12:13 PM

as much as I love Brad, please don't do this.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 12:23 PM

smithers_jones said:

FearTheReaper said:

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Fuck no. The man was a God. He threatened a studio executive with a chain saw, he patented his own race car seat, he was a third degree black belt, broke his foot during a motocross race - and still finished in the top ten, he flew airplanes, he was a Marine, he worked as as stuntman in the movie "Dixie Dynamite because he was BORED, and he punched a horse.


I said, 'This one' and I pointed to the black horse. He'd just been broken, and he had a very tender mouth, and he was shaking all the time, almost like a thoroughbred, very nervous. I got on him, and he bucked me right away, and it took quite a while to subdue him.

So this decided me in his favor, I wouldn't have any other horse. We got him onto the sound stage, and that's where we made a mistake. Because you can't take a horse and put him on a sound stage with all those strong lights and deep shadows. A horse walks from the lights to the shadows and he can' t see. And then he bumps into something, and then he hears strange noises and gets even more nervous. And he starts kicking. So, the first week we were shooting, the horse kicks out four or five lights, bites other horses, broke my big toe stamping up and down and bit me in the back about four times.

That was the beginning and it went on for all of three years. That horse and I fought for three years. Both of us went on winning. He would step on me--on purpose. Just reach over and go right on my foot. Again and again. And I'd punch him each time for stepping on me, but he would do it again. We never did compromise. The sonofabitch, no matter how much he was paid back in kind, he stood his place. He was black with white stocking feet, and his name was Ringo, and we really loved each other. But he never surrendered and this is how he taught me a lesson. He proved better than me, and smarter--and he beat me.



What the fuck has Brad Pitt done?


Angelina Jolie which is > punching a horse.
I, on the other hand, once pet Elvis's pony.



Ali McGraw was pretty hot... and the fact that he stole her from Robert Evans only makes it cooler. Also, Ann Margaret, Faye Dunaway, Jaqueline Bissett... Why the fuck am I writing this..?

teddy__kgb

teddy__kgb

Albuquerque, NM
February 2007

JUL 11, 2007 12:49 PM

pitydafoo said:
Puke. Brad Pitt is only a slightly better actor than his wife and she's one of the worst actors in Hollywood.



i disagree. pitt is a fine actor. angelina is godawful, but more often than not, brad does a good job. he was incredible in 12 monkeys and kalifornia. dont forget se7en, snatch, fight club, and oceans 11, 12 and 13. oh, wait, thelma and louise, true romance and the devils own, three more good portrayals. then theres interview with a vampire, legends of the fall and the dark sun...youre absolutely right, pitt is a terrible actor. NOT.

im not sure i want to see him do mcqueen, but isnt the point here that NOBODY could possibly do mcqueen?

i would nominate mark ruffalo. this guy oozes cool, and his role was even compared to mcqueen in 'zodiac'.

Spats

Spats

North Hollywood, CA
September 2006

JUL 11, 2007 12:58 PM

noctem said:
It is a great movie and I agree shouldn't be remade. But since it is, I ask this: If not Pitt, who would you think could pull it off?



Daniel Craig

jason

jason

USA
August 2002

JUL 11, 2007 01:08 PM

Gerry_D said:
McQueen was also supposed to be at the Tate's the night of the Manson murders. He was invited, but mugged at knife point in Hollywood. He went to his car, got his gun and went searching for the punks. After retrieving his property he phoned and got out of dinner - he was too wired.

Then everyone at dinner was murdered. The End.

Things would have gone down a lot differntly if Steve was there when Charlie Manson crashed. Nobody would know Manson's name. He would just be the guy that Steve killed first that night.

Or so the legend goes.


that would have been an amazing feat considering charles manson wasn't there.

Flux

Flux

SUICIDEGIRL

Georgia, USA

JUL 11, 2007 01:13 PM

jason said:

Gerry_D said:
McQueen was also supposed to be at the Tate's the night of the Manson murders. He was invited, but mugged at knife point in Hollywood. He went to his car, got his gun and went searching for the punks. After retrieving his property he phoned and got out of dinner - he was too wired.

Then everyone at dinner was murdered. The End.

Things would have gone down a lot differntly if Steve was there when Charlie Manson crashed. Nobody would know Manson's name. He would just be the guy that Steve killed first that night.

Or so the legend goes.


that would have been an amazing feat considering charles manson wasn't there.



Put nothing past Bandito.

teddy__kgb

teddy__kgb

Albuquerque, NM
February 2007

JUL 11, 2007 01:15 PM

maybe charlie can play mcqueen...with a swastika carved in his forehead.

Runner4406pack

Runner4406pack

Kalamazoo, MI
July 2006

JUL 11, 2007 01:30 PM

Not that the mustang wasn't cool, but what are they going to replace a triple black 68' Dodge Charger, Most Importantly they can't remake the scene where just the lap belt was used in order to gain suspense that the chase was just about to go on, they will ruin that whole scene!

spinhouse247

spinhouse247

Punta Gorda, FL
December 2003

JUL 11, 2007 02:05 PM

Bullitt and Ronin are the two best car chases ever. They have no business remaking this movie.

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