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  • TUESDAY JULY 10 2007 8:00 PM

Steve McQueen's Corpse Rolls Over, Cocks Loaded .45

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt, Bullitt, remakes



It seems Brad Pitt is remaking the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt.

I like Brad Pitt. Even though it makes my job that much harder, I have to admit, he's good. In theory, he's hate-able. In execution, he's actually a laid back-seeming guy, underrated actor and a pretty good movie "tough guy."

What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen. They could've done worse, but, ideally, they wouldn't have done it at all.

McQueen was and is, the coolest. His movies should be left alone, in some place where awesome things go to be awesome. I'd sooner see you remake the bible with a wise-cracking "Hay-zeus" who sports a goatee and drives a jet boat-Ark... Or re-do the Mona Lisa with indiglo paint, a hidden eye gimmick and Waldo. (I found these references in a book on 1998. It was pretty good.)

How about a remake/re-imagining called Citizen Cane, featuring the animated misadventures of a lovable walking stick and the people he helps, voiced with re-cut Orson Welles' clips. How about you take that idea...

Or the umpteenth variation on one of those poignant, "We thought we were teaching him.. but he was teaching us... Hold on, we actually were teaching him after all," feel good films about a mentally-challenged, Native American Martian. (See, he was Native American but raised by Martians who, at some point, accidentally damaged his brain.)

But no, they had to go and try to remake a classic. Did Alec Baldwin do such a good job on The Getaway? Did Pierce Brosnan hit The Thomas Crown Affair, out of the park? The answers are "no" and "no." Oh, I'm not linking to their imdb pages but if you crave mediocrity, go take a look.

I know it's been said far too many times but please stop remaking movies. This film is as kick-ass as it will ever be. '68 Mustang, iconic turtleneck, Steve McQueen playing "Frank Bullitt," and the greatest car chase ever put on film.

Get ready for '08 Mustang (as well as every other car Ford makes thanks to the inevitable product placement), a shirt unbuttoned to the waist for no apparent reason, Pitt playing "Ray Gunz," and a CGI cluster-fuck. No doubt set to the this song, which one guy loved so much in Kill Bill he decided to put it in his own movie. That's cool, right?

Without McQueen this is a standard idea. Renegade cop crosses the line to protect a witness, drives cars fast. Is this a story Hollywood has yet to tackle post-Bullitt? It is? Then go make it and call it something else.

According to legend, McQueen and the film's director were allowed to ride along with the San Francisco Police. The cops didn't care for McQueen and tried to spook him by inviting him on a tour of the city morgue. Unfazed, McQueen showed up carrying a sack lunch... I had a hack joke involving Pitt bringing a vomit bag all set to go, then came to my senses. Like I said, I like Pitt. So, let's just say that maybe Pitt would've shown up with an apple, but I'm betting McQueen ate oysters.

TheCoolerKing, who took his very own name from a McQueen film, is guessing not enough people know who McQueen is to bother clicking on this article.

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Comments
joker_

joker_

Minneapolis, MN
October 2005

JUL 10, 2007 11:07 PM

Next thing you know, they'll be remaking Cool Hand Luke with Shia LaBeouf.
Then, I will stop watching movies all together.

Fixer

Fixer

Los Angeles, CA
October 2002

JUL 10, 2007 11:13 PM

pitt & depp are two pretty boy actors who a lot of folks love to hate on, but in reality are really damned talented actors and don't take themselves too seriously.

As for remaking movies, who the hell cares? Does it lessen your enjoyment of the original that you hold so sacred? I can enjoy both versions of The Thomas Crown Affair or Ocean's Eleven or even The Italian Job. Hate away, I'll be busy not giving a damn what you think, just like Steve would have.

imclever

imclever

Kent, WA
February 2007

JUL 10, 2007 11:18 PM

Goddamnit.

Bullitt is one of my favorite movies. At least I can thank my lucky stars that it is probably be Brad Pitt rather than Nicolas Cage.

That would be worse then the Gone in 60 Seconds remake.

P.S. No female co-star will top Jacqueline Bisset

Or bit part will top Robert Duvall as the cabbie.

Dammit, for that matter, they will never top the two hitmen.

NOOOOOO!

handsome_rob

handsome_rob

Burlington, IA
May 2004

JUL 10, 2007 11:24 PM

i agree wholeheartedly.

mcqueen was (and is) a god of machismo and unless someone with his complete and undeniable charisma (read: not brad pitt) can fill his shoes and drive a '68 forest green gt390 mustang 2+2 the way he did (or at least, the way his stunt men did - though mcqueen was known to do his own stunts, not unlike actors nowadays, post-'the matrix') across san francisco, i doubt i'll see it until someone else rents it and i watch it on their dime.

the way i see it, as the liquor ads put it, he is "the absolute man." and anyone else in the driver seat will, simply, not cut it.

Fixer

Fixer

Los Angeles, CA
October 2002

JUL 10, 2007 11:36 PM

about the cars: a new version wouldn't be set in the early 70's, so it wouldn't have a late 60's hot shit muscle car. It would be set in current times, and would have a current hot shit car, maybe a 300 Hemi or an Acura or Infiniti or even a new Shelby.

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

JUL 10, 2007 11:37 PM

bigdaddyfix said:

As for remaking movies, who the hell cares? Does it lessen your enjoyment of the original that you hold so sacred? I can enjoy both versions of The Thomas Crown Affair or Ocean's Eleven or even The Italian Job. Hate away, I'll be busy not giving a damn what you think, just like Steve would have.



Agreed. If it's that important to you that your memory of the original not be tainted, just don't see it. I have no plans to do so. And if your treasured impressions of it are so tenuous that they can be impinged upon by seeing a remake or merely the ad campaign for it, maybe you weren't as influenced by the film as you thought.

Flux

Flux

SUICIDEGIRL

Georgia, USA

JUL 10, 2007 11:40 PM

That man and that car are infinitely, objectively better than half of Brangelina and whatever the hell Detroit puts out for this.

Fail.

eScottie

eScottie

Minneapolis, MN
August 2003

JUL 11, 2007 12:06 AM

AnalogPussy said:


and the greatest car chase ever put on film.



I loved the car chase n Bullit I really really do, but I think it was trumped by the car chase in Death Proof especially going in with no knowing who was going to live or die, seeing Zoe Bell on the front of that car and not knowing what was going to happen to me made it the most intense chase scene I have ever seen.


Except for perhaps the tense slow speed of "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry"

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 11, 2007 12:17 AM

bigdaddyfix said:
pitt & depp are two pretty boy actors who a lot of folks love to hate on, but in reality are really damned talented actors and don't take themselves too seriously.

As for remaking movies, who the hell cares? Does it lessen your enjoyment of the original that you hold so sacred? I can enjoy both versions of The Thomas Crown Affair or Ocean's Eleven or even The Italian Job. Hate away, I'll be busy not giving a damn what you think, just like Steve would have.


No, it does not lesson my enjoyment of the original, though it does tarnish the memory and image. It was a great movie, why not make a new great movie rather than a rip-off. Or, remake a crappy film, I understand a few of them have been made.

What people love to hate on Johnny Depp for being a pretty boy? He shook that tag two weeks after Jump Street went off the air.

Also, I'm not sure the best way to convey you "don't give a damn what a person thinks," is to write that person a public message telling them that. Ideally you'd ignore them altogether.


Rafi said:
Agreed. If it's that important to you that your memory of the original not be tainted, just don't see it. I have no plans to do so. And if your treasured impressions of it are so tenuous that they can be impinged upon by seeing a remake or merely the ad campaign for it, maybe you weren't as influenced by the film as you thought.


Yes, I just won't see the movie... billboards... print ads... and trailers for a giant Pittt-starring blockbuster. I'll just tune it all out, so what if I live in Hollywood, I bet you no one even mentions it ever again. Thanks!

So, you're saying that if I don't want to see the name and memory of something I enjoy defiled by a second rate knock-off masquerading as the original, I... didn't... really love the original... or something?

buddhak

buddhak

Cathedral City, CA
November 2005

JUL 11, 2007 01:38 AM

The greatest chase scene ever? It was four fucking shots from 16 angles used over and over again. Don't believe me? Look for the VW bug that shows up every third or fourth shot till they get out in the open and the bad guys crash. I much prefer the final chase in the remake of Gone in 60 Seconds (up until the stupid jump that almost killed it and definitely would have killed the car on the landing). And BTW, I know one of the guys who played a cop in the original Sixty Seconds (His name is JC Agajanian Jr. and he's a great guy to talk cars with, and couldn't be nicer). Despite all of that, I still don't want to see them remake Bullit, it is a true classic and doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. But I won't get really pissed off till the try to remake Play Misty For Me.

Flux

Flux

SUICIDEGIRL

Georgia, USA

JUL 11, 2007 01:43 AM

buddhak said:
And BTW, I know one of the guys who played a cop in the original Sixty Seconds (His name is JC Agajanian Jr. and he's a great guy to talk cars with, and couldn't be nicer).



Would you like a cookie?

cooljoerg

cooljoerg

Germany
March 2004

JUL 11, 2007 05:44 AM

blasphemy!!!

Kekelyn

Kekelyn

Canada
January 2007

JUL 11, 2007 06:17 AM



What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen.



Very true.


This makes me a sad panda. Some movies should NOT be remadefrown

brett54

brett54

Australia
November 2004

JUL 11, 2007 06:30 AM

Is Hollywood that bereft of ideas?

Valentino Rossi is the only man for job (if it is to be done).

mk700c

mk700c

Ann Arbor, MI
December 2003

JUL 11, 2007 08:08 AM

shameful.

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