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  • TUESDAY JULY 10 2007 8:00 PM

Steve McQueen's Corpse Rolls Over, Cocks Loaded .45

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Steve McQueen, Brad Pitt, Bullitt, remakes



It seems Brad Pitt is remaking the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt.

I like Brad Pitt. Even though it makes my job that much harder, I have to admit, he's good. In theory, he's hate-able. In execution, he's actually a laid back-seeming guy, underrated actor and a pretty good movie "tough guy."

What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen. They could've done worse, but, ideally, they wouldn't have done it at all.

McQueen was and is, the coolest. His movies should be left alone, in some place where awesome things go to be awesome. I'd sooner see you remake the bible with a wise-cracking "Hay-zeus" who sports a goatee and drives a jet boat-Ark... Or re-do the Mona Lisa with indiglo paint, a hidden eye gimmick and Waldo. (I found these references in a book on 1998. It was pretty good.)

How about a remake/re-imagining called Citizen Cane, featuring the animated misadventures of a lovable walking stick and the people he helps, voiced with re-cut Orson Welles' clips. How about you take that idea...

Or the umpteenth variation on one of those poignant, "We thought we were teaching him.. but he was teaching us... Hold on, we actually were teaching him after all," feel good films about a mentally-challenged, Native American Martian. (See, he was Native American but raised by Martians who, at some point, accidentally damaged his brain.)

But no, they had to go and try to remake a classic. Did Alec Baldwin do such a good job on The Getaway? Did Pierce Brosnan hit The Thomas Crown Affair, out of the park? The answers are "no" and "no." Oh, I'm not linking to their imdb pages but if you crave mediocrity, go take a look.

I know it's been said far too many times but please stop remaking movies. This film is as kick-ass as it will ever be. '68 Mustang, iconic turtleneck, Steve McQueen playing "Frank Bullitt," and the greatest car chase ever put on film.

Get ready for '08 Mustang (as well as every other car Ford makes thanks to the inevitable product placement), a shirt unbuttoned to the waist for no apparent reason, Pitt playing "Ray Gunz," and a CGI cluster-fuck. No doubt set to the this song, which one guy loved so much in Kill Bill he decided to put it in his own movie. That's cool, right?

Without McQueen this is a standard idea. Renegade cop crosses the line to protect a witness, drives cars fast. Is this a story Hollywood has yet to tackle post-Bullitt? It is? Then go make it and call it something else.

According to legend, McQueen and the film's director were allowed to ride along with the San Francisco Police. The cops didn't care for McQueen and tried to spook him by inviting him on a tour of the city morgue. Unfazed, McQueen showed up carrying a sack lunch... I had a hack joke involving Pitt bringing a vomit bag all set to go, then came to my senses. Like I said, I like Pitt. So, let's just say that maybe Pitt would've shown up with an apple, but I'm betting McQueen ate oysters.

TheCoolerKing, who took his very own name from a McQueen film, is guessing not enough people know who McQueen is to bother clicking on this article.

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Comments
noctem

noctem

I'm lost
October 2004

JUL 10, 2007 09:03 PM

It is a great movie and I agree shouldn't be remade. But since it is, I ask this: If not Pitt, who would you think could pull it off?

noctem

noctem

I'm lost
October 2004

JUL 10, 2007 09:03 PM

Gerry_D said:
McQueen was also supposed to be at the Tate's the night of the Manson murders. He was invited, but mugged at knife point in Hollywood. He went to his car, got his gun and went searching for the punks. After retrieving his property he phoned and got out of dinner - he was too wired.

Then everyone at dinner was murdered. The End.

Things would have gone down a lot differntly if Steve was there when Charlie Manson crashed. Nobody would know Manson's name. He would just be the guy that Steve killed first that night.

Or so the legend goes.



Also, this is a great story....

pitydafoo

pitydafoo

Compton, CA
December 2006

JUL 10, 2007 09:07 PM

Puke. Brad Pitt is only a slightly better actor than his wife and she's one of the worst actors in Hollywood.

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

JUL 10, 2007 09:16 PM

Subrosa said:

Maxx said:
"Kane"



SPOILERS! (Click to view)

zoom image



Hell fire and brimstone, that's what awaits you.

manaleshi

manaleshi

Portland, OR
October 2006

JUL 10, 2007 09:16 PM

Oh shit. Every goddamn time I come here to look at beautiful women one of you assholes has to post something that catches my eye. Usually it's nothing a few beers won't cure. But, this takes the fucking cake.

The Hollywood A-holes already fucked up Vanishing Point with the FOX/Viggo Mortenson POS. And Gone in 60 Seconds with Nicholas fucking Cage.

However, If they do go ahead with it, I will support the effort, on one condition. McQueen did most of his own driving. And the film was shot in real time. So...put Brad Pitt in a hot-rodded '68 390 4-spd Mustang and set him loose in San Francisco. Make sure it's got original seat belts, brakes, vintage tires, etc. That should make for a pretty short movie...and no more Pitt. Works for me.




perm

perm

I'm lost
November 2002

JUL 10, 2007 09:17 PM

all i can say is whoever green lights this thing is going to hell

mQx

mqx

Seattle, WA
January 2003

JUL 10, 2007 09:26 PM

freckle said:

AnalogPussy said:


and the greatest car chase ever put on film.



I loved the car chase n Bullit I really really do, but I think it was trumped by the car chase in Death Proof especially going in with no knowing who was going to live or die, seeing Zoe Bell on the front of that car and not knowing what was going to happen to me made it the most intense chase scene I have ever seen.



it is not permissible to say blank is the best blank ever until the first blank is at least 10 years old.



I agree with Freckle on the time point.

However, while Bullit was the car chase that set the bar, there are a couple others (more than 10 years old) I like better; Live and Die in LA comes to mind, as does Ronin and French Connection.

I would have added the second Borne movie (despite breaking the Freckle rule), but I could tell what was going on because Greengrass fucked my eye sockets with all his goddamn stupid shaky cam and shitty editing

And, as I said in the film group, Brad Pitt won't be the make or break new Bullit for me, but CGI car stunts will.

JacquesDeMolay

JacquesDeMolay

Cleveland, OH
May 2005

JUL 10, 2007 09:27 PM

In my head this is the result of a series of escalating dares between two movie studio executives. I just can't think of any other logical reason for this project. I like Brad Pitt, but this is going to suck in a big way.

mQx

mqx

Seattle, WA
January 2003

JUL 10, 2007 09:30 PM

ifixtrains said:
Pay them back. If you want to see it, then wait till it comes out on dvd. And get a pirated copy.



Pirated copies of shit just empower studios to bitch and make excuses for their shitty practices.

If everyone who stole copyrighted material instead just didn't watch or listen to it, period, you'd have a better chance of response.

goatboy23

goatboy23

Vatican City
November 2003

JUL 10, 2007 10:09 PM

Fucking hell. Fuck. Fuck everyone involved in even conceiving of this fucking remake.

manaleshi said:
However, If they do go ahead with it, I will support the effort, on one condition. McQueen did most of his own driving. And the film was shot in real time. So...put Brad Pitt in a hot-rodded '68 390 4-spd Mustang and set him loose in San Francisco. Make sure it's got original seat belts, brakes, vintage tires, etc. That should make for a pretty short movie...and no more Pitt. Works for me.



I like the way you think... Creative destruction of mediocrity. I like.

GatBoy

GatBoy

Miami Beach, FL
February 2007

JUL 10, 2007 10:27 PM

Yo bro, U were dead on with this one. I mean Brad P is my dude and all that but yea' when I heard about this remake I knew deep down inside that Ms.BloodSucking Jolie had stolen his soul.

guerillasphere

guerillasphere

San Francisco, CA
March 2006

JUL 10, 2007 10:38 PM

Holyshit! Coincidence. Me/friends (knowing nothing about this being on hollywood back burner) were just talking about an inevitable Bullitt remake and wondering: Who would play Frank? Who would direct? I didn't dare guess who would dare try to replace McQueen, but my staunch vote for director was/is Paul Greengrass (United 93, Bourne movies) -- he's THE ONLY major director who could capture the original car chases and general headiness/tension in a non-meathead-Michael-Bay way and a non-uberslick-Michael-Mann way. I think Pitt could play Frank with the proper respect and bad-assery, but IT HAS TO BE DIRECTED BY GREENGRASS.

Great breaking news CoolerKing...

ckdexterhaven

ckdexterhaven

USA
December 2005

JUL 10, 2007 10:50 PM

Wolfgang Petersen is directing, I believe.

His last 2 were Poseidon and Troy.

guerillasphere

guerillasphere

San Francisco, CA
March 2006

JUL 10, 2007 10:55 PM

CKDexterHaven said:
Wolfgang Petersen is directing, I believe. His last 2 were Poseidon and Troy.



Shit. Too much flash (not to mention 2 all-out sucky flicks). I really hope they make this more in that raw documentary style.

Rafi

Rafi

Santa Monica, CA
January 2003

JUL 10, 2007 10:58 PM

No deals have been inked yet, and the casting is just a rumor at this point. Despite the internet bitching, I would say the smart money's on this not actually getting made.

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