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  • TUESDAY JULY 3 2007 7:00 PM

Mexicans Stealing Our Jobs, Starting From the Top Down

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Bill Gates, Carlos Slim, wedgies



We all knew this was coming.

Microsoft founder Bill Gates looks to have lost his title as the world's richest man, toppled from top spot by the Mexican telecoms tycoon Carlos Slim.


Way to set an example, Bill. What hope do the rest of us have if not even you can stem this tide? I knew putting nerds in charge was a mistake.

Three months ago the cigar-chomping Mr Slim quietly slipped past legendary US investor Warren Buffett to take second place in the global wealth league.


Guy who “chomps cigars,” easily trumps “guy who puts in cigarette backwards to look cool at party and ends up choking and making a fool of himself,” any day of the week. C’mon, we all know that had to have happened at some point. No doubt the memory of that night was what propelled him to greatness. And the fading of that ememory is clearly what has hastened his fall.

He needs the fear put back in him. The angry red-faced, spittle soaked chants of “Nerd!” ringing in his ears will re-ignite his once flaming passions.

I urge each of you to pull out all the stops. If we as a nation can spur him on to the greatness he once held, then he in turn can carry us on his brittle nerd-back to undreamed of new heights. Um, provided he doesn’t suffer from vertigo.

Purple-nurples, wedgies, the royal flush, the dick-kick, the New Jersey book knock… All tools we must use to get him back on the right track… and with him… America!

Now, thanks to a surge in the shares of his America Movil group, Mr Slim has claimed pole position, according to the Mexican online financial publication, Sentido Común.


Mexican publication? Hmmm… I bet it’s all a lie. Whew, false alarm everyone, call it off, no need to haze the geek.

Although, now that I think about it, a quick Indian Burn would only serve to keep him motivated.


TheCoolerKing does not actually advocate the pummeling of nerds, rich or otherwise, for any reason.

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Comments
ignisfatuus

ignisfatuus

I'm lost
January 2007

JUL 04, 2007 12:29 PM

TheCoolerKing said:
Ok, you're saying I chose to mock a subject that you feel is too serious to mock. NO SUBJECT is too serious to mock. But, more to the point, you still haven't shown how this makes me ignorant of anything.

I'm having a hard time understanding how you can guess that I'm being "tongue in cheek," but at the same time, take things I wrote at face value. To the point where my, um "American superiority," offends you...

I'm being totally serious, here. Maybe critiquing comedic pieces isn't something you're ready for. I'm not even trying to be condescending, I think you should practice on essays you find that you can guarantee are 100% straightforward. Find something that says, for example, "Up is down!" Then you can jump in (again, make sure you get the author's intent, this part is crucial) and say, "Hold on a sec, Up is up! It's not down!"

Also, everyone knows that any and all publications originating in Mexico are written, produced and distributed by Mexican children. Poor illiterate children. All the adults are too busy getting drunk to help out. They're the guys you should be mad at. And the only thing they're capable of "defending" is chupacabra attacks. U...S...A...! USA! USA!



i will give you credit for that last paragraph, however. i was amused. the sarcastic amplification of stereotypes and, ultimately, the absurdity of chupacabra attacks strike as humor because it's clear that you're simply mocking my seriousness. which is funny. i'm really not a serious person. but i am serious about your editorial because it's not funny. and when something fails at being funny, it's capable of being offensive. and i took offense to your piece and decided to let you know that.

TheCoolerKing

TheCoolerKing

NEWSWIRE

Los Angeles, CA

JUL 04, 2007 03:50 PM

ignisfatuus said:
try your shtick in a night club and see how it flies. your jokes and delivery just aren't humorous.



I have. Hundreds of times. It goes quite well.


ignisfatuus said:
furthermore, i think the lack of comments on your piece speaks for the idiocy of it.



Brilliant logic.

ignisfatuus said:
i will give you credit for that last paragraph, however. i was amused. the sarcastic amplification of stereotypes and, ultimately, the absurdity of chupacabra attacks strike as humor because it's clear that you're simply mocking my seriousness. which is funny. i'm really not a serious person. but i am serious about your editorial because it's not funny. and when something fails at being funny, it's capable of being offensive. and i took offense to your piece and decided to let you know that.



Stop being a weird robot. It's not my fault you can't experience human emotions. Go find a scientist to build you a program for humor or love or something.

ignisfatuus

ignisfatuus

I'm lost
January 2007

JUL 04, 2007 04:43 PM

TheCoolerKing said:

ignisfatuus said:
try your shtick in a night club and see how it flies. your jokes and delivery just aren't humorous.



I have. Hundreds of times. It goes quite well.


ignisfatuus said:
furthermore, i think the lack of comments on your piece speaks for the idiocy of it.



Brilliant logic.

ignisfatuus said:
i will give you credit for that last paragraph, however. i was amused. the sarcastic amplification of stereotypes and, ultimately, the absurdity of chupacabra attacks strike as humor because it's clear that you're simply mocking my seriousness. which is funny. i'm really not a serious person. but i am serious about your editorial because it's not funny. and when something fails at being funny, it's capable of being offensive. and i took offense to your piece and decided to let you know that.



Stop being a weird robot. It's not my fault you can't experience human emotions. Go find a scientist to build you a program for humor or love or something.



i appreciate that the unfunny person is giving advice to get a sense of humor.

ignisfatuus

ignisfatuus

I'm lost
January 2007

JUL 04, 2007 06:41 PM

MrCrisp

MrCrisp

I'm lost
August 2004

JUL 04, 2007 07:17 PM

ignisfatuus said:






i'm so glad you've finally come to your senses.

stigmatamartyr13

stigmatamartyr13

Indianapolis, IN
February 2007

JUL 06, 2007 07:48 AM

Sources close to Mr. Gates report that when asked about losing his top spot on the Forbes list which he has held for the last 17 years, he said simply, "Mo money, mo problems." Indeed, it appears as though Mr. Gates is relieved to no longer be the #1 target for psychos with get rich quick schemes.

lint737

lint737

Hollywood, FL
July 2004

JUL 06, 2007 09:50 AM

TheCoolerKing said:

ignisfatuus said:
try your shtick in a night club and see how it flies. your jokes and delivery just aren't humorous.



I have. Hundreds of times. It goes quite well.


ignisfatuus said:
furthermore, i think the lack of comments on your piece speaks for the idiocy of it.



Brilliant logic.

ignisfatuus said:
i will give you credit for that last paragraph, however. i was amused. the sarcastic amplification of stereotypes and, ultimately, the absurdity of chupacabra attacks strike as humor because it's clear that you're simply mocking my seriousness. which is funny. i'm really not a serious person. but i am serious about your editorial because it's not funny. and when something fails at being funny, it's capable of being offensive. and i took offense to your piece and decided to let you know that.



Stop being a weird robot. It's not my fault you can't experience human emotions. Go find a scientist to build you a program for humor or love or something.



Personally I think you posts are getting better and better. At first I was a little "meh", but I am now really enjoying your responses. First you would get defensive, but now you respond with more funny. Now I must stop hanging off your nuts before it make me the ghey. Well done sir.

teddy__kgb

teddy__kgb

Albuquerque, NM
February 2007

JUL 06, 2007 03:06 PM

ignisfatuus said:
while i assume your intention is tongue-in-cheek, your commentary mostly comes off as being ignorant. try thinking before you type.



i agree with this guy. battered old sterotypes are the unfunny hallmark of someone who cant see or think past them. (insert laugh track here). its like bad sit-coms.

Ff

Ff

I'm lost
August 2006

JUL 06, 2007 06:26 PM

nice article, anybody with any sense of humor should find it at-least mildly humorous and in no way offensive.

i like the idea that Carlos Slim, Bill Gates, Sentido Comun and the american people are in some kind of big pseudo national pride competition

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