I understand this is a serious situation and I hope it turns out alright...

After reading this story I was hit with two thoughts in rapid succession:

1) THIS. IS. TERRRIFYING. Yeah. Even in films this scenario is bone-chilling. Guy tries to hurt you. Guy gets locked up. Guy breaks his way out of jail and then, presumably, SWEARS AN UNHOLY VENGEANCE.

Where is he? Hard to say… Maybe check the corner of your bedroom ceiling. He may be clinging there while waiting to jump down and murder you. He sure was mad at you when he left. Anywaysies, good luck!

I've read several accounts of this story and they all seem to gloss over the waking nightmare that Letterman has been dropped into.

Cop: “Mr. Letterman. Remember that convict who threatened your son?”

Dave: “I do.”

Cop: “Weeeeeeelllll we have reason to believe he may have escaped from prison.

David: “Ghhhaaaaghhhhhh!”

[A beat.]

David: “Now when you say, ‘may have’ you mean—“

Cop: “Oh yeah, he’s out.”

2) People are still capable of breaking out of jail? That’s, like, a thing that happens? I know that criminals should be punished and jails keep us safe, etc... But just as an abstract concept, this is kind of awesome.

I wonder if he made a rope out of bedsheets? Or, if he dyed the prison suit to look like an army sergeant’s uniform and then commandeered a tank. I bet he’s actually innocent and right now is frantically trying to clear his name.

His ex-wife meets him at the door, trying to shield him from the prying eyes of the young son he’s never met…

Kid: “Dad?”

Mom : “Go back inside, Nathan.”

She presses a crumpled twenty into his outstretched hand, shaking her head in a disappointed fashion. “Just… Take it and go…” He mouths a heartfelt thank you before meeting his son’s tear-filled gaze for the last time...

Ahem. It occurs to me suddenly that I might watch too much TV.

This sounds promising, though.

Man-tracking? Here's what I know about that man-tracking. I bet I can't do it and I bet at some point this scary, stoic man who others will describe as "all business," will motion to the people behind him to stop, bend down, examine a broken twig and then say in a hushed whisper, "This way."