• commentary
  • THURSDAY JUNE 7 2007 6:00 PM

Paris: Kind of a Pansy, Even for an Heiress

Submitted by TheCoolerKing

Edited by erin_broadley

Tags: Paris Hilton, jail, Martha Stewart,



Remember when we were told that she would receive absolutely no special treatment?

Paris Hilton has been fitted for ankle bracelet and reassigned to house arrest, after authorities decided to release Hilton from jail due to medical reasons, this according to Los Angeles County Sheriff's Dept. spokesperson, Steve Whitmore.


Seriously, Paris? You’re telling us you’re not even as tough as Leona Helmsly? You’re saying when the chips are down, when they separate the wheat from the chaff (not only do I not know what this means, I don’t know who the “they” is. Farmers? Whoever they are, they’re doing a fantastic job), Martha Fucking Stewart passes a gut check that you are incapable of even attempting. You’re content saying "I cannot hack this anymore," at around the same time Martha Stewart was still unpacking pinecones and a hot glue gun (sorta stale, I know, but still a nice visual).

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh. After all, a stab wound can be fatal. So can a heretofore-unknown tumor hemorrhaging. Cancer can also -- Wait, what? What's that you say?

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Paris Hilton's medical condition was purely psychological and that she was in peril of having a nervous breakdown, and that's why she was released early this morning.

Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk.


It's true, the last thing we’d want is someone in prison being “at risk.” Still, it happens. Not that different from my Hispanic gardener friend. They let him out of jail just last week after he developed a headache.*

* "Let him out jail" is prison slang for someone kicking you in the balls while insulting you racially.

  • PERMALINK
  • PRINT
  • Digg This
  • Email To A Friend
 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

 ... 8

Next

Comments
RileyStClair

RileyStClair

Los Angeles, CA
September 2006

JUN 07, 2007 06:04 PM

i love how withdrawal is now a "fragile mental state."

bitch was in the clink for like three days without drugs or alcohol. i bet she was pretty addled. sucks to be all those regular people with addictions who have to stay in jail.

ShadowDrgn

ShadowDrgn

Boca Raton, FL
August 2006

JUN 07, 2007 06:18 PM

we already know shes mental, your in fracking prison of course your mental state isnt going to be normal i mean WTF .... but we all know what really happened, she offered the phychiatriat shitload of money to get her out of there...

next people on death row will be like i dont feel like being here anymore can i leave ?

Heathen_Dave

Heathen_Dave

Birmingham, AL
July 2005

JUN 07, 2007 06:25 PM

So when she leaves her house before her time is up (because you know she will) what happens?

SignalNoise

SignalNoise

USA
February 2004

JUN 07, 2007 06:27 PM

Heathen_Dave said:
So when she leaves her house before her time is up (because you know she will) what happens?



Like to stop her seemingly "normal" neighbor with the mysterious dripping garbage bags from murdering her best friend?

IDGAS

IDGAS

Jackson Heights, NY
March 2004

JUN 07, 2007 06:28 PM

I guess her acting skills are better than we thought.

Heathen_Dave

Heathen_Dave

Birmingham, AL
July 2005

JUN 07, 2007 06:30 PM

SignalNoise said:

Heathen_Dave said:
So when she leaves her house before her time is up (because you know she will) what happens?



Like to stop her seemingly "normal" neighbor with the mysterious dripping garbage bags from murdering her best friend?



Hey you take your popular movie culture right out of here! This is popular glamour culture time.

P.S. Firefox spellcheck said to spell "glamour" "glamor." But I showed it!

Bleeder

Bleeder

USA
August 2003

JUN 07, 2007 06:35 PM

My oh my..... Like we didn't see this coming.

semyaza

semyaza

Wildomar, CA
December 2004

JUN 07, 2007 06:36 PM

According to TMZ.Com, Paris has been ordered to appear in court Friday morning and the Los Angeles city attorney is asking for her to be placed back into jail.

Ms_Magdalena

Ms_Magdalena

Minneapolis, MN
February 2007

JUN 07, 2007 06:37 PM

Bleeder said:
My oh my..... Like we didn't see this coming.



No shit, right?

NotoriousCAT

NotoriousCAT

Atlanta, GA
January 2004

JUN 07, 2007 06:40 PM

no 'kind of ' about it. whatever
i hope LL sees this as her chance to shine.
when they sentence her to jail, she''ll last at least a week... biggrin

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

JUN 07, 2007 06:48 PM

Good Lord! The system works! surreal

BridgeTwnPeddler

BridgeTwnPeddler

Portland, OR
January 2003

JUN 07, 2007 06:52 PM

What a total fucking twit waste of space spoiled bitch... christ!

murderbymatt

murderbymatt

Bloomington, IN
January 2007

JUN 07, 2007 07:06 PM

i guess now is as good a time as any to bring this up. who will join me in completing my life's work? it is a project that i call "paris hilton thunderdome." basically we build a thunderdome in my backyard, get drunk, and then i fight her to death. who's in?

NotoriousCAT

NotoriousCAT

Atlanta, GA
January 2004

JUN 07, 2007 07:07 PM

Ms_Magdalena

Ms_Magdalena

Minneapolis, MN
February 2007

JUN 07, 2007 07:08 PM

murderbymatt said:
i guess now is as good a time as any to bring this up. who will join me in completing my life's work? it is a project that i call "paris hilton thunderdome." basically we build a thunderdome in my backyard, get drunk, and then i fight her to death. who's in?



FUCK yes!!!

Oh god, can I make t-shirts, too? biggrin

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

 ... 8

Next

featured interviews