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  • MONDAY MARCH 5 2007 7:00 PM

Spears Attempts Suicide, For Real



Britney Spears has tried to commit suicide in the Promises rehab center where she is currently seeking help. Her attempt was unsuccessful. According to an eye witness:

"Later that night she tried to kill herself. She attached a sheet to a light and tied it around her neck. Paramedics were called, but luckily she was unhurt," the pal added.


Britney "Batshit Crazy" Spears had, prior to her attempted strangulation, scribbled 666 atop her freshly shaved cranium, perhaps to foreshadow the event. Rather than taking the correct steps towards a modicum of sanity, the ailing pop-star has other plans in store:

"Britney has realised what a rock Kevin has been to her, and how out of control she has acted recently. She has been talking to Kevin every night for hours on the phone, telling him she still loves him. She just wants to be with him again, and thinks having another baby will seal their marriage," the source said.


Somehow, amidst the post-partum rumors, I think another baby will make matters worse.

 

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Comments
Uncle_Screwtape

Uncle_Screwtape

Los Angeles, CA
February 2004

MAR 05, 2007 09:07 PM

BaronSamedi said:

Ipecac_32 said:

I ain't no Spears fan, but it makes me sad. She has kids now and suicide is a selfish way out. I hope she gets help and works it out. If Kfed is her "rock" so be it... just no more kids Brit.



+2. +5. +5000

Do or do not. Her kids don't need this. Heck, she doesn't need this.

I think her death would be a blessing in the sense that she wouldn't have years of depression and decay ahead of her. Though her career has jumped the shark (her death would make her more of an Anna Nicole Smith than a Kurt Cobain or a Bruce Lee) that girl is messed up, her family is messed up, her ex husband is messed up.

And so are we.

And yes, I include myself in that number. And I hate myself as much for it.


And so you and Ms Spears now have something in common: indecent public exposure of feelings and mental conditions better kept private.

Moderncutthroat

Moderncutthroat

Philadelphia, PA
May 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:08 PM

BaronSamedi said:
Fuck, let's hope she really DOES manage to top herself, and removes herself permanently from public life.

Airheaded, drug addicted Republican tornado bait plastic titted lowerer of standards in the music world....

Why couldn't she have eaten a shotgun barrel before pumping out two water-headed children?



THIS is why you got kicked from the group.

I'm not even going to get into my history of clinical depression. It's a disease. How about you watch someone you love "eat a shotgun barrel" before you wish it on somebody else.

Ipecac_32

Ipecac_32

St Albert, AB
September 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:10 PM

Man enough about Spears, this COLEY girl is smok'n. love

BaronSamedi

BaronSamedi

Tacoma, WA
September 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:11 PM

moderncutthroat said:

BaronSamedi said:
Fuck, let's hope she really DOES manage to top herself, and removes herself permanently from public life.

Airheaded, drug addicted Republican tornado bait plastic titted lowerer of standards in the music world....

Why couldn't she have eaten a shotgun barrel before pumping out two water-headed children?



THIS is why you got kicked from the group.

I'm not even going to get into my history of clinical depression. It's a disease. How about you watch someone you love "eat a shotgun barrel" before you wish it on somebody else.



Don't assume I haven't.

Moderncutthroat

Moderncutthroat

Philadelphia, PA
May 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:16 PM

BaronSamedi said:
Don't assume I haven't.



Point Taken.

Then I would assume that you wouldn't wish that pain and guilt upon her family and friends. Suicide hurts the ones who love you, not the person who dies. They get what they want, and the ones alive are left putting the pieces together.

jane_m

jane_m

USA
October 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:16 PM

Illyria said:
I've said it before and I'll say it again...DUMB CUNT.

Why is it that it's always those with everything they could ever need or want in life that throw it away on drugs or self-pity?

Boo-hoo. "I sell millions of records and make millions of dollars. Sweet oblivion here I come!"



what makes you think that all you could ever need or want is to be famous and rich? that is a really ignorant view of the situation, regardless of the fact that this is almost certainly not a true article.
i don't personally really care about britney spears and i am sick of hearing about her too, but at the same time, i have empathy for almost anyone with a mental illness. it's just not that simple as "i have money, i will never be sad or feel crazy again", it's probably quite the opposite.

Absurd6

Absurd6

Seattle, WA
OLD SKOOL

MAR 05, 2007 09:17 PM

I want a refund on the 20 minutes I've spent reading this back and forth venom spitting contest. If you want to turn it personal, I'm sure theres some day time TV show that will accommodate! Let people express their opinions with out dragging all your baggage and hangups into it and attacking them for it. You're giving the opinions power by debating them. If its 100% wrong then ignore it and it's powerless.

Stick to the G.D. topic.

a.6

TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

MAR 05, 2007 09:17 PM

Vanessa said:

KikiBH said:

_DictionaryGirl_ said:

BaronSamedi said some ridiculous antagonistic troll crap.



Ugh. Please just stop already.



Right?? Somebody hearts attention like whoa.



Seriously.



3 wonderful women > one obnoxious fuckknuckle.

TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

MAR 05, 2007 09:19 PM

BaronSamedi said:
Don't assume I haven't.



You don't get an Arsehole Licence, either way.

Johnq_average

Johnq_average

Grand Junction, CO
March 2005

MAR 05, 2007 09:19 PM

Am I alone in thinking, that had the title read "Commits" instead of "Attempts", the world would be a better place?

BaronSamedi

BaronSamedi

Tacoma, WA
September 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:23 PM

moderncutthroat said:

BaronSamedi said:
Don't assume I haven't.



Point Taken.



Thank you.

Then I would assume that you wouldn't wish that pain and guilt upon her family and friends.



Her family and friends are a dysfunctional bunch of weirdos. I suppose her dragging out her life through years of drug addiction and attention seeking behaviour, as well as neglecting her children and making hasty, rash and ill advised relationship moves is somehow better?

If she's truly suicidal, it's a matter of when. And sometimes this sort of thing is like terminal cancer or drug addiction - you kind of consider the death a blessing.


Suicide hurts the ones who love you, not the person who dies. They get what they want, and the ones alive are left putting the pieces together.



I lost sight of that. I am unloved by the entire human race. That isn't a pity party thing, so fuck you all in advance who are preparing the tired old "whiner" insult again. You get a different perspective when people are constantly stabbing you in the back and kicking you in the face.

I don't think her family and friends are compos mentis enough to give a shit, and I'd rather see her, if she's gonna do the dove shot trepanation, do it before the kids are old enough to remember who she was.

BaronSamedi

BaronSamedi

Tacoma, WA
September 2006

MAR 05, 2007 09:24 PM

Johnq_average said:
Am I alone in thinking, that had the title read "Commits" instead of "Attempts", the world would be a better place?



No, in fact I have been shat on for saying exactly that for about an hour now.

Saraphine

Saraphine

SUICIDEGIRL

Pennsylvania, USA

MAR 05, 2007 09:26 PM

BaronSamedi said:

Johnq_average said:
Am I alone in thinking, that had the title read "Commits" instead of "Attempts", the world would be a better place?



No, in fact I have been shat on for saying exactly that for about an hour now.



BFFs!! love

TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

MAR 05, 2007 09:26 PM

BaronSamedi said:
Her family and friends are a dysfunctional bunch of weirdos.



Those pesky kids. So fucked up from such a young age. They don't deserve a mother. Brats.

Absurd6

Absurd6

Seattle, WA
OLD SKOOL

MAR 05, 2007 09:26 PM

Johnq_average said:
Am I alone in thinking, that had the title read "Commits" instead of "Attempts", the world would be a better place?



Well I'm sure of one thing, that this pointless back and forth would still be going on even if it was "commits", and this sure isnt making the world a better place.

a.6

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