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  • WEDNESDAY AUGUST 23 2006 8:00 AM

Greatest Movie Assholes of All Time

Submitted by Alyk

Edited by Alyk

Tags: Dickhead Dozen, GQ, Billy Zabka, Karate Kid, James Spader

GQ magazine completed its list of the “Dickhead Dozen”: the twelve greatest assholes in movie history. You probably have your favorite dicks already picked out, but those who missed out on teen movies from the 1980’s might not be aware of the teen-movie-dickhead criteria. To make judging fair and unbiased, GQ defined a great movie-dickhead.

He’s the blond-haired blue blood who no one seems to realize is a total douche bag. He’s got the beautiful girl (whom he flagrantly cheats on), and because of the dollar signs attached to his name, he has her father, too. He’s ungracious, undeserving, and unredeemable, a cretin who rejoices in making life hell for the little people.


While we would immediately guess James Spader would grab the top spot with his asshole-ish performances as “Steff” in Pretty in Pink and “Rip” in Less than Zero, but GQ went a different way. Billy Zabka took number one as “Johnny” in the epic Karate Kid, and number ten as “Chas” in Back to School.

1. Billy Zabka as Johnny Lawrence
"The Karate Kid", 1984
2. Bradley Cooper as Zachary "Sack" Lodge
"Wedding Crashers", 2005
3. James Daughton as Greg Marmalard
"National Lampoon's Animal House", 1978
4. Eriq La Salle as Darryl Jenks
"Coming to America", 1988
5. Robert Prescott as Cole Whittier
"Bachelor Party", 1984
6. Ted McGinley as Stan Gable
"Revenge of the Nerds", 1984
7. Matthew Glave as Glenn Guglia
"The Wedding Singer", 1998
8. Craig Sheffer as Hardy Jenns
"Some Kind of Wonderful", 1987
9. Craig Kilborn as Mark
"Old School", 2003
10. Billy Zabka as Chas
"Back to School", 1986
11. Michael Bowen as Tommy
"Valley Girl", 1983
12. James Spader as Steff
"Pretty in Pink", 1986


Congratulations to William Zabka: number one in our hearts and number one in the Dickhead Dozen. Now sweep the leg, Johnny!


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Comments
wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

AUG 24, 2006 06:33 AM

be_elzebe said:

wildswan said:
...number of exes... blackeyed



terrible sadness. nooooo. frown



SPOILERS! (Click to view)

i'm just trying to keep it real, Georgia wink



Yes, poor judgment, selective ADHD... But, I still got boo-boos that need kissin' frown

OctoberSeven

OctoberSeven

Downers Grove, IL
December 2002

AUG 24, 2006 11:14 AM

Quanta said:
Keifer Sutherland and his boys played at being huge assholes in Stand By Me.



Don't forget The Lost Boys. Was the point of the movie not to hate the vampire because he's a vampire, but because he's a dick?

divinetrash

divinetrash

Fayetteville, AR
April 2006

AUG 25, 2006 03:48 AM

Robert Romanus as Damone in Fast Times

Josh Hartnett as Tripp in Virgin Suicides

Billy Crudup as Russell in Almost Famous

John Diehl as Coach Buttinger in Foxfire

Paul Gleason as the Principal in Breakfast Club

mad Very Mean Boys

Tadzi

Tadzi

Greeley, CO
April 2003

AUG 25, 2006 06:29 AM

Subrosa said:
Uh, Bill Pullman (or Paxton, I forget which) as Chet in Weird Science?



youre stewed, buttwad!

StudentDriver

StudentDriver

Greenwood, IN
June 2004

AUG 25, 2006 07:27 AM

I'm surprised no one's mentioned the "singer" from Pink Flamingos. Oom-papa-mow-mow.

DownNeck

DownNeck

Jersey City, NJ
March 2006

AUG 25, 2006 03:19 PM

TAFKATadzi said:

Subrosa said:
Uh, Bill Pullman (or Paxton, I forget which) as Chet in Weird Science?



youre stewed, buttwad!



best use of 3 words, ever.

and i'd like to add both James Remar AND David Patrick Kelly in The Warriors

two dickheads arrayed opposite one another, with the streets of new york as their battleground. it's like the dickhead version of godzilla...

beaky

beaky

Miami, FL
April 2003

AUG 25, 2006 03:22 PM

Idjiit said:
Some good picks in there, but I have to say my favorite asshole is Matt Mulhern as Teddy Beckersted as the preppy Ferrari-driving prick in One Crazy Summer...



...unfortunately there's not a single fucking photo of him in that movie anywhere on the internet. Information superhighway, indeed.


Runner up would definitely be Michael Bowen as Tommy in Valley Girl. Fucking love him in that role. "Can I have some your hamburger?"



good call

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