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  • WEDNESDAY AUGUST 23 2006 8:00 AM

Greatest Movie Assholes of All Time

Submitted by Alyk

Edited by Alyk

Tags: Dickhead Dozen, GQ, Billy Zabka, Karate Kid, James Spader

GQ magazine completed its list of the “Dickhead Dozen”: the twelve greatest assholes in movie history. You probably have your favorite dicks already picked out, but those who missed out on teen movies from the 1980’s might not be aware of the teen-movie-dickhead criteria. To make judging fair and unbiased, GQ defined a great movie-dickhead.

He’s the blond-haired blue blood who no one seems to realize is a total douche bag. He’s got the beautiful girl (whom he flagrantly cheats on), and because of the dollar signs attached to his name, he has her father, too. He’s ungracious, undeserving, and unredeemable, a cretin who rejoices in making life hell for the little people.


While we would immediately guess James Spader would grab the top spot with his asshole-ish performances as “Steff” in Pretty in Pink and “Rip” in Less than Zero, but GQ went a different way. Billy Zabka took number one as “Johnny” in the epic Karate Kid, and number ten as “Chas” in Back to School.

1. Billy Zabka as Johnny Lawrence
"The Karate Kid", 1984
2. Bradley Cooper as Zachary "Sack" Lodge
"Wedding Crashers", 2005
3. James Daughton as Greg Marmalard
"National Lampoon's Animal House", 1978
4. Eriq La Salle as Darryl Jenks
"Coming to America", 1988
5. Robert Prescott as Cole Whittier
"Bachelor Party", 1984
6. Ted McGinley as Stan Gable
"Revenge of the Nerds", 1984
7. Matthew Glave as Glenn Guglia
"The Wedding Singer", 1998
8. Craig Sheffer as Hardy Jenns
"Some Kind of Wonderful", 1987
9. Craig Kilborn as Mark
"Old School", 2003
10. Billy Zabka as Chas
"Back to School", 1986
11. Michael Bowen as Tommy
"Valley Girl", 1983
12. James Spader as Steff
"Pretty in Pink", 1986


Congratulations to William Zabka: number one in our hearts and number one in the Dickhead Dozen. Now sweep the leg, Johnny!


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Comments
Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

AUG 23, 2006 12:49 PM

Dead_Ringer said:

Idjiit said:
I think you mean dickless.


Yes it's true .... This man has no dick.


Well that's what I heard!

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

AUG 23, 2006 12:50 PM

Dead_Ringer said:
William Atherton as Walter Peck in "Ghostbusters." Such a dick.



He was also awesomely dickish in Real Genius.

Dead_Ringer

Dead_Ringer

I'm lost
September 2004

AUG 23, 2006 12:56 PM

Subrosa said:

Dead_Ringer said:
William Atherton as Walter Peck in "Ghostbusters." Such a dick.



He was also awesomely dickish in Real Genius.


And in Die Hard.

be_elzebe

be_elzebe

China
May 2006

AUG 23, 2006 01:03 PM

4. Eriq La Salle as Darryl Jenks

"Coming to America", 1988.

This guy wins Asshole with the SoulGlo-ingest Hair Award. Props. Just let your soul glo

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

AUG 23, 2006 01:18 PM

^^^ Let me get the jerry-juice outta my eyes.
OK!

Daniel Day-Lewis as Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York.

be_elzebe

be_elzebe

China
May 2006

AUG 23, 2006 01:33 PM

dude, I thought this was just the "movie assholes" thread. The "blonde, blue eyed" ones who got the girls but were snivelling little punks. This is a different type of creature than the "Movie Badass Villain," which I think is a better category for Daniel Day-Lewis. The Movie Badass Villain is the type you don't want to cross in a dark alley, but are strangely loveable, or at least admirable, for their strength of badass-ness: Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects, Gary Oldman in The Professional, Alan Rickman in Die Hard and Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, etc.

noirkiss3

noirkiss3

Minneapolis, MN
April 2006

AUG 23, 2006 01:39 PM

Sometimes I don't read the first page.

Dead_Ringer

Dead_Ringer

I'm lost
September 2004

AUG 23, 2006 01:44 PM

wildswan said:
Daniel Day-Lewis as Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York.


I don't know if he was a dick, per se. I'd say that he was more like a highly destructive force of nature.

wildswan

wildswan

I'm lost
June 2006

AUG 23, 2006 04:31 PM

OK! As I was going to say before SG went wonkey.... I blocked those criteria out, I guess since it describes a number of exes that I prefer not to think about too much about . *tries to think of other stupid excuses*

Thanks for this noirkiss3 and be_elzebe

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
blackeyed

formerviking

formerviking

Denver, PA
May 2006

AUG 23, 2006 05:10 PM

Where's the principal from Ferris Buehler ? I think movie asshole , he pretty much tops my list . But I must say I'm surprised by all the Savage Steve love here . I thought I was alone in loving those movies . Better off dead was one of those " caught a certain time in my life " movies that I still laugh at . Stupid though it may be .

Cigarette

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH
April 2004

AUG 23, 2006 05:45 PM



Lucas, from the Wizard.

Also starring Kevin Arnold, the chick with big tits from Rilo Kiley, and (as you'll see on your left) a cameo by a young Spiderman.

Also: could you get a dorkier gang? Fatty, Paul Pfeiffer I & II, and his little brother. I beat those kids up in middle school. And I was a dork!

Este

Este

Tucson, AZ
October 2005

AUG 23, 2006 06:01 PM

"PUT HIM IN A BODY BAG JOHNNY!!!!!
HAHAHAHA"





Awesome.

be_elzebe

be_elzebe

China
May 2006

AUG 23, 2006 10:52 PM

oyaji said:
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.



real wrath of God type stuff....

be_elzebe

be_elzebe

China
May 2006

AUG 23, 2006 10:56 PM

wildswan said:
...number of exes... blackeyed



terrible sadness. nooooo. frown



SPOILERS! (Click to view)

i'm just trying to keep it real, Georgia wink

Quanta

quanta

I'm lost
June 2006

AUG 23, 2006 11:39 PM

Keifer Sutherland and his boys played at being huge assholes in Stand By Me.

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