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  • WEDNESDAY AUGUST 23 2006 8:00 AM

Greatest Movie Assholes of All Time

Submitted by Alyk

Edited by Alyk

Tags: Dickhead Dozen, GQ, Billy Zabka, Karate Kid, James Spader

GQ magazine completed its list of the “Dickhead Dozen”: the twelve greatest assholes in movie history. You probably have your favorite dicks already picked out, but those who missed out on teen movies from the 1980’s might not be aware of the teen-movie-dickhead criteria. To make judging fair and unbiased, GQ defined a great movie-dickhead.

He’s the blond-haired blue blood who no one seems to realize is a total douche bag. He’s got the beautiful girl (whom he flagrantly cheats on), and because of the dollar signs attached to his name, he has her father, too. He’s ungracious, undeserving, and unredeemable, a cretin who rejoices in making life hell for the little people.


While we would immediately guess James Spader would grab the top spot with his asshole-ish performances as “Steff” in Pretty in Pink and “Rip” in Less than Zero, but GQ went a different way. Billy Zabka took number one as “Johnny” in the epic Karate Kid, and number ten as “Chas” in Back to School.

1. Billy Zabka as Johnny Lawrence
"The Karate Kid", 1984
2. Bradley Cooper as Zachary "Sack" Lodge
"Wedding Crashers", 2005
3. James Daughton as Greg Marmalard
"National Lampoon's Animal House", 1978
4. Eriq La Salle as Darryl Jenks
"Coming to America", 1988
5. Robert Prescott as Cole Whittier
"Bachelor Party", 1984
6. Ted McGinley as Stan Gable
"Revenge of the Nerds", 1984
7. Matthew Glave as Glenn Guglia
"The Wedding Singer", 1998
8. Craig Sheffer as Hardy Jenns
"Some Kind of Wonderful", 1987
9. Craig Kilborn as Mark
"Old School", 2003
10. Billy Zabka as Chas
"Back to School", 1986
11. Michael Bowen as Tommy
"Valley Girl", 1983
12. James Spader as Steff
"Pretty in Pink", 1986


Congratulations to William Zabka: number one in our hearts and number one in the Dickhead Dozen. Now sweep the leg, Johnny!


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Comments
crazytalk

crazytalk

Brooklyn, NY
February 2006

AUG 23, 2006 09:28 AM

anyone notice that zabka's on the list twice? karate kid and back to school?
** i would like to note (as i did on the film group thread) that the ski jerk from better off dead, never did another movie again. he played the perfect asshole.

EmperorNorton

EmperorNorton

Abington, PA
July 2005

AUG 23, 2006 10:07 AM

Ug, Craig Kilborn's horrible performance was the worst part of Old School.

The only funny thing about him anymore is the story about how he committed career suicide at CBS.

attn_ho

attn_ho

Brooklyn, NY
February 2004

AUG 23, 2006 10:12 AM

to be fair, savage steve holland's twin opus of the teen condition, better off dead and one crazy summer, probably dont deserve recognition because they are more sendups of teen movies than actual dramas. theory is that we're laughing so we never get enough passion to hate the assholes.

screw that. ive hated those assholes since 1984. i hate them today. i hate them for not making the cut. assholes.

jaggy

jaggy

Austin, TX
October 2003

AUG 23, 2006 10:16 AM

Cole from Bachelor Party , "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!" !!!

Or how about the bearded fuck in Passion of the Christ ! god what an asshole. ha!

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

AUG 23, 2006 10:17 AM

PointBlank said:
Funny, jason started a similar thread in the Film group a couple of weeks ago.

We mentioned Ted McGinley, Zabka, Spader Matt Mulhern, the guy from Better Off Dead. It was also noted that Zabka was the bad kid in Just One of the Guys!



The character's name was Roy Stalin, how could they possibly leave him off the list, especially with all those scenes with him trying to intimidate Cusack who's a good foot taller.

SnakePlissken

SnakePlissken

Corvallis, OR
December 2002

AUG 23, 2006 10:17 AM

The Shark in Jaws. Major asshole.

Idjit

Idjit

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

AUG 23, 2006 10:24 AM

I think that Bart Conner's performance in Rad deserves at least an honorable mention.



And I deserve a kick in the head for even remembering that.

FridgeMagnet

FridgeMagnet

Chicago, IL
November 2004

AUG 23, 2006 11:35 AM

This is a shitty list. Joe Pesci as Nicky Santoro in Casino was the biggest movie asshole of all time.

Subrosa

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA
July 2004

AUG 23, 2006 11:49 AM

What about the dude in Ghost? The guy who kills Swayze and then sleeps with Demi Moore. That guy was an ASSHOLE.

noirkiss3

noirkiss3

Minneapolis, MN
April 2006

AUG 23, 2006 12:16 PM

Easy
Harry Lime (Third Man 1949)) Played by Orson Welles, his diatribe from the top of the ferris wheel about how little a persons life is worth is a movie classic :"In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed _ they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."


A classic make sure to see it.

Dead_Ringer

Dead_Ringer

I'm lost
September 2004

AUG 23, 2006 12:40 PM

William Atherton as Walter Peck in "Ghostbusters." Such a dick.

Idjit

Idjit

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

AUG 23, 2006 12:41 PM

I think you mean dickless.

Dead_Ringer

Dead_Ringer

I'm lost
September 2004

AUG 23, 2006 12:42 PM

Idjiit said:
I think you mean dickless.


Yes it's true .... This man has no dick.

HorseheadFiddle

HorseheadFiddle

San Diego, CA
October 2004

AUG 23, 2006 12:44 PM

Hey, Sweep the Leg Johnny is an awesome band.
So apparently its a reference to something?..

mamet

mamet

Charleston, SC
March 2005

AUG 23, 2006 12:47 PM

Nothingful said:
Hey, Sweep the Leg Johnny is an awesome band.
So apparently its a reference to something?..



You've honestly never seen The Karate Kid?

____________

I saw the article a few weeks ago while waiting to for my car's oil to be changed. I was underwhelmed.

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