News > Celeb > The Shallowest Post for the Shallowest Content by the Shallowest Person: Me

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SATURDAY JUNE 10 2006 11:43 AM

The Shallowest Post for the Shallowest Content by the Shallowest Person: Me

Submitted by low_culture

Edited by low_culture

According to Egotastic, perhaps better known to my close peers and socia-climbing acquaintances as my absolute favoritest website ever, "In Touch magazine has declared that Scarlett Johansson has the best breasts in Hollywood."

Now, I don't read In Touch, but it's news like this that really starts me thinking I should rephrase that clause: I don't read In Touch...yet! If the publication has content like this reader polls assessing various celebrities and their worthwhile attributes it's something I really ought to look into.

The way I see it, these celebrities enter into a social contract with us when they become famous, and we're subsequently entitled to gauge them as the objects of worthwhile amusement that they then become. So, here we go: I'm getting in touch with my object-worship tendencies!

Here's my tribute to you, the readers:

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Comments

Vestril

Coronado, CA

February 2003

JUN 10, 2006 11:47 AM

I don't see how they can make the call when they still haven't been fully bared. More in depth examination seems called for.

sixbysix

United Kingdom

December 2004

JUN 10, 2006 11:52 AM

Indeed. I hear she has no nipples.

Still fucking gorgeous, though.

Cigarette

Cleveland, OH

April 2004

JUN 10, 2006 11:55 AM

sixbysix said:
Indeed. I hear she has no nipples.

Still fucking gorgeous, though.

That's what they say about O. She lost 'em in 'Nam.

TheG

Somerville, MA

February 2004

JUN 10, 2006 11:59 AM

Sweet god, just show them already!

RunsWithSkizzers

Apo, AE

March 2006

JUN 10, 2006 12:20 PM

God I wish I had breasts like that...

I'm such a peice of shit.

I want ice cream.

blixabargeld

Germany

February 2005

JUN 10, 2006 12:39 PM

did anybody think her lips suddenly got fatter in "match point?" it distracted me for most of the movie. then again, i really like seeing things that aren't there.

roaring_tulips

Jacksonville, FL

April 2006

JUN 10, 2006 02:32 PM

Actually, her lips seemed impossibly fat in "Lost In Translation" to me, but she was quoted as being all for plastic surgery.

Dignan

Fargo, ND

OLD SKOOL

JUN 10, 2006 03:40 PM

when will someone start the 24/hr a day johansen breast channel?

glennnnnnnn

Australia

January 2006

JUN 10, 2006 09:37 PM

Dignan said:
when will someone start the 24/hr a day johansen breast channel?

I'll do it this arvy.

thestral

Manassas, VA

August 2005

JUN 12, 2006 09:04 AM

Hurray for boobies and objectification? YES! HURRAY!

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA

July 2004

JUN 12, 2006 09:23 AM

Dibs.

SmellsLikeSciFi

Houston, TX

April 2004

JUN 12, 2006 03:44 PM

Two words...and they're phonetic.

wull, yeah

xani

Charlottesville, VA

May 2006

JUN 12, 2006 05:29 PM

wtf is this? its not very pretty to see member pick at beautiful girls. some of your readers are a 38c also... hmmm... "to the readers"? i dunno if i should be flattered or punch you in the guts. shallow men.