Miss Truth Hurts: Advice That Rocks by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna
For this month's Miss Truth Hurts column SuicideGirls has teamed up with the folks behind the new romantic comedy Spread to bring you questions and advice inspired by the film.
Spread stars Ashton Kutcher who plays Nikki, a charming freeloader, who trades his sexual prowess for the financial advantages ladies of a certain age and position can provide. As the film heats up, Nikki gets caught in a love/lust triangle between Samantha (Anne Heche), a mature woman with a sleek car, beautiful property and a well balanced portfolio, and Heather (Margarita Levieva), a hot young waitress who may just end up beating him at his own game.
Here's some nuggets of advice that the three leading characters in the film could do with swallowing:
Q: I used to do bar work and wait tables, but now get by thanks to the significantly richer partners I date. No money changes hands, but I make sure all my bills get paid. Does this make me a whore? And isn't everyone to some extent? There's always some kind of a trade off in a relationship right? Do you think there's anything wrong with seeking relationships based on money rather than this abstract and unreliable feeling we call love?
A: I just finished co-writing porn star Tera Patrick's memoir, Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love, Marriage & Porn (shameless self-plug: out Jan. 5 via Gotham/Penguin), and she talks about this very subject. To paraphrase her, she says, "We're all 'hos on this bus, whether you're a porn star, a prostitute, a stripper, or a girl dating a rich guy who buys her things." Everyone is a whore in some way at some point in their life, whether it's whoring your talent or skills out to the corporate man for a nice salary or accepting an expensive dinner date from a guy you don't really like, we've all been there. But, true love is amazing and having a fulfilling career where you can support yourself is equally as satisfying, so don't give up on that too soon. It's not as abstract and unreliable as you think.
Q: I'm looking for the perfect pick up line to hone my dating technique. My buddy Nikki says there's only on pick up line, “Hi, what’s your name?” and that everything else is cheese. What do you think?
A: Remember what I said about everyone's a whore at some point in their life in the first question above? Well, I'm a plug whore right now. Go ahead and send hate mail. I don't care. The, "Hi, what's your name?" line is an example I actually have in my book, Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick and a Hotter Girlfriend and to Living Life Like a Rock Star, and it truly is the simplest, most charming, and honest way to meet someone. Try it and you'll see.
Q: I've heard that you should never show a woman that you’re impressed since it lowers your market value. The strategy works really well for my pal Nikki. Why do women go for men who pull these kind of mind games?
A: I hate to admit it and it's shameful to my gender, but the truth is, yes, it does work. Why do women like guys who act like they don't give a damn? It's because most women love a challenge and think they can turn a bad boy good. So, if you're not interested, she will try harder to make you interested whether she really likes you or just wants to prove she can turn a negative into a positive. But, think of it this way: Do you really want a woman like this?
Q: My sometime roommate is a bar crawling philosopher. He says, “When a girl tells you that you're not getting any before you ask, before you even try, it means you’re getting some.” Do you agree?
A: Uh, sometimes no means no. If a woman says "no way" right away, you are probably not even on a real date with her. That said, most women love being pursued and seduced, so there is always room for that "no" to turn into a "yes" if you make the right moves. There is an art to seduction.
Q: My friend has this point system theory: 1 for flowers, 2 for dinner, 3 for an orgasm. He figures you need to get 12 points in the love bank before a woman will trust you -- then you can go back to watching football. Do you think this is wrong, right, cynical, or all of the above?
A: First of all, if you're with a girl who doesn't let you watch football or join you at a game now and then, you're with a bitch. Second, lose the point system. It's a wee bit immature and frat-boy-ish.
Q: I've just turned 40 and am attracted to younger men, who always end up leaving me for younger women. Some might call me a cougar, but do you think I'm really the immature one here since I'm unable to find happiness with men my own age?
A: If you want hot sex only, keep dating the young studs. If you want a real relationship, date someone on your own level and that usually (emphasis on usually) means someone with similar life experiences, who's in the same place in life that you are, and, yes, who is within five years of your age either way. There's nothing immature about dating younger. What you need to think about is what you want: fun, sexy flings or a serious commitment.
Q: I'm considering vaginal rejuvenation to keep my younger man happy in bed. What's your advice? Should I go for it? My doctor tells me I'll be out of action for five days, but it'll be "well worth the wait."
A: If you can afford it and have thoroughly done your research on doctors, then go for it! But, don't do it for your younger man. Do it for yourself. And, ask yourself this question: if your man did NOT want you to do it, would you still do it? If the answer is no, then you're doing it for the wrong reason. You're a brave woman to even consider it. Ouch!
Q: Often I can envision my future with a girl before they cum. Then afterwards I just want them to stop touching me. Do you think there's something wrong with me?
A: You're fucked up, my friend. See a shrink.
Spread opens on August 14. Go to Spread-TheMovie.com for more info.
Got a line that's guaranteed to open more than a conversation that you'd like to share with the world? Do you have a unique angle on how to turn a casual encounter into something more special and/or useful? Text the word "SPREAD" and your pickup tip to 878787 and have it show up on digital billboards nationwide. Alternatively, you can go to Spread-TheMovie.com and click on the “Express Yourself” link to spread your relationship wealth and read advice left by others.
Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna is Suicide Girls' sex, love, and life advice columnist. She is an entertainment journalist, rock wife, and author of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star and Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day-by-Day Chronicle.
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