Geek Heresy: I Haz It

One thing that makes us geeks is the hive mind that we share. Hardcore opinions run through our consciousness like the stripe on a skunk. Star Wars is awesome. Star Wars prequels sucked. The cancellation of Firefly was a travesty. Neil Gaiman is a wordsmith sent from the heavens. They Might Be Giants are the bards we all secretly wish would follow us around, chronicling and singing our lives.

But I gotta admit, there are times I split from the pack. And I find astonishment. Derision. More astonishment. And I'm here to defend myself and my opinions.

1) I do not find Hugh Jackman fuckable.

Now, this isn't specifically geeky per se, but the new Wolverine movie just came out, which has all the geeky women frothing at the mouth to go see Hugh snarl and kick some ass and say, "Bub." I'm not saying Jackman is a dog, I'm saying that the geeky women of the world seem to do a collective sigh when he's mentioned, and I just don't get it. Maybe I don't have a thing for Wolverine, so I think of him with the huge sideburns. I dunno, but when I see him I think, "Handsome guy, sure, but I don't need a sudden change of underwear."

I will bet cash money that there wasn't a dry seat in the house on opening night of Wolverine.

2) Dollhouse is an OK show, and if it gets canceled, that's OK too.

Yeah, I know, all the Whedonites are up in arms already. But I maintain my stance: Dollhouse is just OK. It started weak because it gave us no heroine to root for: Echo is rewritten with a different personality for each show. The strange and casual treatment of rape makes me uncomfortable. What's funny is when they find a rapist in-house, they're all protective, but they still rent these women and men out as whores with new personalities. I suppose you could argue the new personalities consent to the sex, but the whole thing is still shady and uncomfortable.

Many people say that the show began to "get good" when episode 6 hit. Twists! Turns! Revelations into Echo's real personality! But really, why were you watching for five unsatisfactory episodes?

Yeah. I admit, I gave it a chance for four episodes and then lost interest. Then when everyone freaked out so much about #6, I started watching again. And yeah, it got interesting, but it still feels like a show that's "just OK."

We all know every artist, even our favorites, does not shit gold every time they go to the bathroom. Dollhouse has yet to build the incredible ensemble cast that Buffy, Angel and Firefly had. And if it dies, then Joss Whedon will have the time to work on something else.

3) I don't get a lot of classic sci-fi.

This is the most shameful of all. There are several books I've never read that seem to be on the required SF reading list. So I have tried to remedy that. And I don't know if it's the fact that now that I'm an adult, the technology, political, and sexual references are so dated I can't get past them, but many books have failed to hook me. I've tried to read them several times, and each time I drop them either due to flat-out-boredom, confusion, or being utterly offended.

"Wait, the protag is a rapist, and I am supposed to keep rooting for him? Are you fucking kidding me?"

(Incidentally, the only book I can remember really liking even though the protagonists were less than heroic was the bizarre book Geek Love by Katherine Dunn about a carnival family whose parents experimented with drugs and isotopes to create a family of carnival freaks. Bizarre and fun and disturbing.)

And reading, honestly, is where the people begin to give me the looks. "You've never read Dune?" they ask, and I squirm with shame.

"I've tried! Several times! Really!" I say. I cast about for geek cred to make myself cool. "I read Neil Gaiman before Sandman! I have been a Hayao Miyazaki fan since Nausicaa was butchered in editing and retitled "Warriors of the Wind" for HBO viewers when I was a kid! My shelf is full of short story anthologies from the 40s and 50s!"

"Yeah. But you've never read Dune."

While some of my geek heresy shames me, I do realize that conforming to the geek hive mind when I don't want to is worse than standing out like a sore, poorly educated in geeky things, thumb. I refuse to be a sheep, and so you can have your Jackman, your Dollhouse, and your spice. I'm comfortable with my existing geek cred.

(Mostly.)


Mur Lafferty is an author and podcaster who recently released her first novel, Playing For Keeps. She Speaks Geek every month on SuicideGirls.com. Click HERE for more of Mur's musings.


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