Asshole Fuckface Roundup #67

Well, I cannot believe we have survived this far with all of the Asshole Fuckfacery going on. This week, I get to focus on something that has been pointed out in many roundups over the past few months: Republican racism rearing its ugly head more and more as the campaign goes on. Now that Obama has a very high chance of winning the election, the Asshole Fuckface racists are coming out of the woodwork. And much of it is the fault of Asshole Fuckfaces Sarah Palin, John McCain and the scum over at Faux News. Their constant and baseless attacks on ACORN and their blaming the financial meltdown on “minorities” set the stage. Next up came the continuous comments claiming we “don’t know who Obama is.” (Mysterious black man.) And finally, they wrapped it in a bow by stating Obama is “palling around with terrorists.” (Not an activity that white people would indulge in.)

Then the Asshole Fuckface hysteria began to blow up. First, the delightful racism of Bobby May, McCain’s campaign representative in Buchanan County, Virginia. Bobby wrote a column in the local paper. It’s supposed to be a parody. And I’m only highlighting the racist stuff.

REPARATIONS TO BLACK COMMUNITY: Opposes before Election Day and supports after Election Day.

FREEDOM OF RELIGION: Mandatory Black Liberation Theology classes taught in all churches - raise taxes to pay for this mandate. Put Rev. Jeremiah Wright in charge. Condemnation of homosexuality from the pulpit will become a Class 1 Felony.

DRUG CRISIS: Raise taxes to pay for free drugs for Obama’s inner-city political base.

2ND AMENDMENT: Under Obama will only apply to gang-bangers, illegal aliens, Islamo-Fascist terrorists, and Senator Jim Webb’s aide.

THE WHITE HOUSE: Hire rapper Ludacris to “paint it black.” Taxes to be increased to buy enough paint for the job plus spray-paint for graffiti.

THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES: Raise taxes to send $845 billion, most of it to Africa so the Obama family there can skim off enough for them to free their goats and live the American Dream.

NATIONAL ANTHEM: Change to the “Black National Anthem” by James Weldon Johnson. And raise taxes.

Ha ha. Hilarious! Don’t you get it? Obama is BLACK. Hello? All black people act the same and love graffiti.

But Asshole Fuckface racism is not just rampant in the United States of America. England is jumping on board, too.

Dube Egwuatu, a Nigerian immigrant, was buying a cell phone card in a small store, while wearing an Obama T-shirt. Obviously, that is too much for racists. He was confronted by – you’re not going to believe this – a “shaven-headed white man.”

Shouting 'I fucking hate niggers.'

You should probably move to a place where there aren’t any, then. Like Antarctica. Or, Asshole Fuckface Island.

Whitey McAnger then left the store and waited outside. When Dube left the store, he was confronted again.

'I couldn't believe it was happening - and just because I was wearing an Obama T-shirt. He was trying to make me walk somewhere quieter, saying: 'I've got something for you,' and 'I'm going to kill you.'

He moved quickly to his car, but Whitey Asshole Fuckface followed and shot him three times with a pellet gun.

The attacker then fired the gas-powered ball-bearing pistol three times, hitting the civil servant in the face, hand and shoulder.

Fearing for his life and bleeding heavily, Mr. Egwuatu raced away in his car and found somewhere safe to call for help.

Good times. And we are so not done.

Next up, some good old southern Asshole Fuckface racism.

Wade Williams, 75, from Monroe, Louisiana can’t believe what is happening. A black man is about to become president of the United States and he wants to vote. NOW! When Wade called to inquire why he had not received his voter registration card yet, he was told it would arrive in two weeks. He was also told he could still vote by showing his ID. Not good enough.

Williams said he wanted to "keep the nigger out of office," and wanted his card before he came to the building with his "shotgun and emptied it."

Oh, um, that’s not how voting works.

Deputies arrested Williams at his residence at about 11 a.m.. Williams was taken to Ouachita Correctional Center, during which time the arresting deputy noted in an arrest affidavit that Williams stated he had a shotgun, but had hidden it as his residence and he continued his tirade about "nigger.”

Wade has been charged with terrorizing and being shockingly stupid. Tip for Wade: Take a few downers on November 4th because it’s going to be a bummer.

Finally, there’s a special Asshole Fuckface selection for those who combine teaching and racism.

Greg Howard is a 7th grade teacher in Florida. Already, you can probably see there is going to be a problem. He was teaching the kids about the current election campaign, when he wrote CHANGE on the board. Anyone know what that stands for? Howard wrote it on the board.

"Come Help A Nigger Get Elected."

Huh. I haven’t seen that on Obama’s literature. Are you sure?

Howard was suspended with pay Monday while the incident was investigated. The reprimand was elevated to a 10-day suspension without pay starting Thursday. Howard also must write a letter of apology to the students.

Maybe writing is not the best way to go in this situation. Oh, and thanks for not firing him. I mean, it wasn’t like he did something horrible, right?

Howard will be reassigned to teach in the district's Adult Education Program.

"We feel like the punishment is sufficient," Moore said. "We did not feel he had to be fired."

That’s because you are worse than he is, Mr. Asshole Fuckface. I'm sure there are no black people in the Adult Education Program.

And finally, the wonderful Christians going to watch their fellow Christian Sarah Palin speak are having problems controlling themselves. Asshole Fuckface Palin has decided it is a good idea to talk shit about the media during her speeches. One problem with this is that the media are all over the arena and some of them are black.

Palin then went on to blame Katie Couric's questions for her "less-than-successful interview with kinda mainstream media." At that, Palin supporters turned on reporters in the press area, waving thunder sticks and shouting abuse. Others hurled obscenities at a camera crew. One Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American soundman for a network and told him, "Sit down, boy."

I’m not sure why our media refuses to say what the “racial epithet” was. Maybe it would do great damage to the Christian queen’s image as the angel from the North.

Congrats to all of this week’s Asshole Fuckfaces. Expect this to get worse as we get closer to Election Day and it becomes more and more apparent to the racists that a black man will be in the White House. And expect some sort of violence at some point before November 4th.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

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