McCain Picks A Vagina

Yes, I wrote that headline. Mostly because it’s true. In the most cynical Vice Presidential choice I have ever seen, McCain picked a woman, simply because she is a woman. In doing so, he overlooked many other conservative women who are far more qualified to be Vice President. McCain chose Sarah Palin because she’s attractive and she hates abortion. I honestly can’t think of another reason to select this walking disaster of a choice.

McCain is obviously going for the disgruntled Hillary voters. Picking Palin will possibly earn him precious few Hillary voters, while turning off millions of independents. Palin's inexperience is astounding, unless you count her awesome time in as city council member and mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The town had a massive population of 7,738 people. She ran for governor in 2006 and won, mostly because Alaska is a backwards land full of idiots. Palin has been governor for less than two years – and now John McCain has selected her to be vice president of the United States. Considering McCain is so old he could die at any moment, this is a stunningly pathetic choice for vice president. Let’s just look at the past 36 hours.

It was discovered that Palin lied on Friday when she claimed to have opposed Alaska’s famous “bridge to nowhere.”

I told Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that bridge to nowhere," Palin said Friday in Ohio, using the critics' dismissive name of the project. "'If our state wanted a bridge,' I said, 'we'd build it ourselves.'"

While running for governor in 2006, though, Palin backed federal funding for the infamous bridge, which McCain helped make a symbol of pork barrel excess.

We also learned Palin was a member of an Alaskan secessionist group in the early '90s and apparently still thinks it’s a great idea to stay connected. Here she is addressing the Alaskan Independence Party's 2008 convention.



What does the Alaskan Independence Party want? The same things any crazy lunatic wants.

The Alaskan Independence Party's goal is the vote we were entitled to in 1958, one choice from among the following four alternatives:

1) Remain a Territory.

2) Become a separate and Independent Nation.

3) Accept Commonwealth status.

4) Become a State.

Oh, good. Worthwhile effort.

Also, Palin admitted yesterday that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant.

The Palins, in a statement released by the McCain campaign, said Bristol "came to us with news that we as parents knew would make her grow up faster than we had ever planned"

Yes, she will grow up faster than ever planned, especially because you just agreed to be John McCain’s running mate, putting your daughter and her pregnancy in the nation’s spotlight. You are a genuine and caring woman for putting your child in front of a bloodthirsty American media. Wonderful values you have there.

Palin had told McCain's team about the pregnancy during lengthy discussions about her background, aides said. At several points, McCain's team warned Palin that the scrutiny into her private life would be intense.

By all means, throw the kid to the sharks. That’s what a good Christian does. Ambition first, kids second. Oh, and this news probably won’t help the abstinence only cause.

And bestest of all, Sarah Palin just hired a lawyer because she is about to be deposed by a special investigator.

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the GOP vice presidential candidate, has hired a private practice attorney to defend her in the investigation into the firing of her public safety commissioner.

The Legislature is investigating whether Palin fired public safety commissioner Walt Monegan after he refused to fire a state trooper who had divorced Palin's sister.

The special investigator’s report is due on October 31st. That makes some fantastic timing for the election. Genius move on McCain’s part. Even if it clears her, you can be sure someone will pull something out of the report that reflects poorly on Palin. That’s how it always goes.

More than anything, this is insulting to the women who supported Hillary Clinton. McCain actually believes women will vote for him, just because he picked someone with a vagina as his running mate, even though she has the opposite political views of Hillary on every issue.

He's got someone who believes abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape or incest or to save the life of the mother.

He's got someone who, in defiance of science, doesn't believe global warming is man-made.

He's got someone who, in defiance of science, wants creationism taught in schools.

He's got someone who wants to further increase the health-care burden on the patient.

He's got someone who wants to ban all stem-cell research.

How could a Hillary supporter not climb aboad that train?

Palin is also a religious fanatic who was selected by a "cabal" of other religious fanatics.

Last week, while the media focused almost obsessively on the DNC's spectacle in Denver, the country's most influential conservatives met quietly at a hotel in downtown Minneapolis to get to know Sarah Palin. The assembled were members of the Council for National Policy, an ultra-secretive cabal that networks wealthy right-wing donors together with top conservative operatives to plan long-term movement strategy.

CNP members have included Tony Perkins, James Dobson, Grover Norquist, Tim LaHaye and Paul Weyrich….This year, thanks to Sarah Palin's selection, the movement may have finally aligned itself behind the campaign of John McCain.

Yes, and she is just what Hillary supporters want in a female candidate.

As one McCain aide put it: "We either get Hillary's voters and we win, or we don't. It's not a mystery." Said another: "This campaign is all about the middle."

FAIL.

The first national polls on John McCain's pick of Sarah Palin yesterday came out today from Rasmussen and Gallup -- and contrary to what the GOP probably hoped, she scored less well with women than men.

Women soundly rejected her, 48% to 25%.

McCain is treating women like they don't have brains and he will be punished because of it. He could have picked from a number of conservative women, who would have at least appeared to have earned the selection with their accomplishments. Women like, Kathryn Ann Bailey Hutchison, Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, Olympia Snowe, Christine Todd Whitman, M. Jodi Rell and Condoleezza Rice all would have made it appear as if McCain was not just looking for someone with a vagina. And nearly every one of those women are far less scandal-plagued. Up until this point I thought McCain would win the election, but I now think he will be crushed, which means I will owe Subrosa a six pack. That is very disappointing.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. You can read more of his nonsense and see a picture of Sarah Palin with her young child standing over a dead animal on his blog, Stop All Monsters.

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