Just Kill The Fucking Birds, George

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The president saved two turkeys from a grim death this week. It’s become a tradition to pardon two White House turkeys and I think it is a retarded one. Everyone seems to believe Truman was the first president to start the turkey pardons, but that is not true. Truman actually made comments about eating the turkey, which is very different than a pardon.

Kennedy didn’t pardon a turkey, but he did refuse to eat it. Bush senior is actually the first president who used the term “Pardon” and now we all have to live with it.

George, just kill the bird and eat it. Be a man. You eat meat and you are going to eat turkey on Thanksgiving night, so don’t be such a pussy and have the bird killed. Or do it yourself, with your bare hands.

Nearly 4,000 soldiers have died during your presidency and an enormous number of innocent civilians around the world. The fact that you refuse to eat a bird that is raised specifically as a food source is ridiculous. You have no problem with death.

"You cannot take the heat, and you're definitely going to stay out of the kitchen," Bush said to the birds at the 60th annual turkey pardoning at the White House.

Ha ha ha, fuck you.

This year there were two birds, named May and Flower. Americans named the birds in an online contest. Weeeeeeee!

"They're certainly better than the names the vice president suggested, which was Lunch and Dinner," Bush said as the crowd chuckled and the turkeys gobbled.

Ha ha ha and, again, fuck you. Kill the bird with your bare hands, pussy.

The two turkeys will be flown first class to Disney World, where they will live in the backyard of Mickey Mouse’s Country House, which is considered a fate worse than death by many. What turkey wouldn’t want to live in a theme park? Oh, right, EVERY TURKEY.

Besides, they won’t live very long, anyway. The pardoned birds usually last less than a year and die a painful death. Fast growing, commercially raised turkeys die quickly because they grow too large for their bone structure and are susceptible to disease. So basically, by not killing them you are leaving them to suffer a worse fate.

Anyway, now that you’ve saved these turkeys, go about your regular business and enjoy eating another, less-worthy turkey.

Bush visited the troops in Iraq on Thanksgiving Day in 2003, flying covertly from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, to Baghdad to have a turkey dinner with 600 troops.

I guess those turkeys weren’t good enough. Or maybe they were gay, or Muslim, or something else that Bush hates.

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