Battlestar Galactica: Better Than Whatever Show You Like

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It really is. Much, much better (that goes double if your favorite show is "Ugly Betty".)

*SPOILERS BELOW*

Unfortunately, it's almost over. Only one season left to wrap up one of the best shows on television. So far "Battlestar," aside from a brief stumble last season (no thank you, "Starbuck boxes Adama," episode), has been pitch perfect. From the insurgency, to the reveals of the various Cylons, to the killing of the obnoxious Kat, to the resurrection of Starbuck and the possible discovery of Earth...

Plenty of great shows have stumbled down the home stretch, though. Right "X-Files"? Yeah. I doubt it could happen here, but, just in case, here's what I think needs to happen before it's all over and done with.

- Fraking deliver Earth already! Seriously, like, soon. By episode three Starbuck and Adama better be browsing for KROBY lamps at IKEA while fighting over a pinkberry. I hate "fish out of water" stories but, somehow, I'd like to see it here. The whole crew for the rest of the season, just dicking around Earth, enjoying our comic books, video games and many cheaply-priced family dining options. Cheesecake Factory? Sure.

Just scene after scene of them picking up various items and saying, "What is this?" Hah, Chief, you crazy kid you, that's a wrench. It's like your "space wrench," only different.

- That Cylon/human hybrid baby (Hera? Zeus? I forget) better fulfill its destiny and do something awesome. Maybe they can age it 4400-style or, make it magic... I don't know but none of that "pawning the baby off on some family and then not a word til the credit crawl of the last episode where we read that she 'later saved Earth' or something." Show it already.

- Mr. Gaeta needs to come out of the closet. And take one of the Cyclon Centurians with him. C'mon, you guys, everyone deserves somebody. Don't you know it's cold in space.

- Somebody explains the rules to that shitty-ass sport the rebels played back on Caprica. Cool, I'm running around like an idiot trying to huck a metal ball through a horizonal hole. Isn't this awesome?! No, this is dumb. It's like basketball minus everything that's enjoyable about basketball. No thanks.

- Now that Colonel Tigh's been revealed as a Cylon I want him drinking with RECKLESS ABANDON. Morning, noon and night. Fuck that easy does it shit, let's take that Cylon liver out for a spin, shall we? Bonus points if someone warns him about the drinking and he winks, all sly and smarmy-like, and says, "Oh, I think I've got it covered, heh, heh... Believe me, buddy, It is taken care of... In fact, you might say, I'M A CYLON. Wait--"

- Show us the last Cylon. And good luck making it a shock, too. I mean, I wish you the best but considering about 90% off the cast has been revealed as toasters, I don't see how you're gonna pull this one off. At this point I can't even remember who isn't a Cylon. Starbuck? Little Adama? Quantum Leap guy?

- Somehow work Tricia Helfer's Playboy issue into an episode. I'm not picky about how. Maybe a Centurion finds it, opens it, and smoke comes billowing out of his ears. Then pan over to "Quantum Leap guy" who says, "Talk about a skin job!"

Yeah, I don't really get it either.

Here's the new "BSG" trailer, in all its Galactic-ey glory.



Holy Frak! What the hell was I worried about. It will be awesome.

Lords of Kobol be with us...




TheCoolerKing is pretty sure he sat near Tricia Helfer at the Morales/Pacquiao fight in Vegas. And he's pretty sure he was caught gawking at her.

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