You're Doing It Wrong, Baby

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When I woke up this morning, I thought, "You know, Fluxy, what the world really needs is another article on parenting written by a childless young person." I'm not one to deny The World, so let's hope I don't step on too many toes with this.

A few months back, some of you might remember hearing about a study showing that Baby Einstein and similar media oriented toward smartifying Very Small Persons did, well, the opposite, reducing language skills by about 10%. It's surprising, you know, since we all know that watching TV makes adults much more intelligent than any other activity. But apparently it's so potentially stunting of little minds that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends against children two and under watching any television at all.

Baby Einstein's response?
...The Baby Einstein Company is aware of the ongoing discussions regarding children and television viewing, particularly as it pertains to infants under the age of two years old. And, while we respect the American Academy of Pediatrics, we do not believe that their recommendation of no television for children under the age of two reflects the reality of today’s parents, families and households – for example, a recent Kaiser Family Foundation study found that 68% of all babies under two years old watch screen media on any given day. The Baby Einstein Company believes that when used properly, developmentally-appropriate video content can be a useful tool for parents and little ones to enjoy together.
Really, you guys? You're using the "but, moooooom, everybody's doing it!" defense?

But perhaps we are being too judgmental of the Baby Einstein™ subsidiary of Disney™. What do those nasty academics poo-pooing the trend of video parenting suggest? Well, interacting and talking with your baby. This is, of course, absurd, as we all know that discussion with our elders only makes us stupid and weak. That's why college is for chumps.

And now, also, apparently, blocks.

I always thought that building blocks were kind of dorky, but the Seattle Children's Hospital Research Institute has found a correlation between stacking blocks and early language skills. Apparently brand names and fancy marketing have no effect on childhood intelligence and happiness. All those pushing Bugaboos and other frou-frou items of the Pants-Pissing Elite may now commence crying into their Cheerios.

Of course, I am not (yet) a mom, and it's a hell of a lot easier for me to say that the Very Small shouldn't be parked in front of the TV, that you should be engaging your kids in age-appropriate, thought-provoking conversation and the building of tiny castles out of preciously retro wooden blocks. I try not to be too much of a sanctimonious mater en potentia.

But convenience culture will be the death of us. Food processed until it contains only the whisper of the essence of life, the triumph of "easy" and "comfortable" over sophistication and self-value, and 68% of parenting through the boob tube? No thanks. I'll be expending some effort.


Flux is actually pretty sanctimonious, but it's not relegated to the subject of children, she promises.

web address: http://suicidegirls.com/news/all/22405/Youre-Doing-It-Wrong-Baby/