How To Fuck Over An Immigrant

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Pedro Zapeta came to America from Guatemala 13 years ago as an illegal immigrant. He lived and worked in Florida, washing dishes and living as cheaply as he could. The plan was to save as much as he could, then return to Guatemala, buy land and build a home for his family. Two years ago, he headed to the airport with $59,000 in a duffel bag ready to start his new life.

Clearly, that was a bad idea. Airport security and customs are not big on people flying around with large bags of cash. Anyone who enters or leaves the country with more than ten grand must fill out a form declaring the money. Pedro did not know that. US customs seized his money.

Officials initially accused Zapeta of being a courier for the drug trade, but they dropped the allegation once he produced pay stubs from restaurants where he had worked. Zapeta earned $5.50 an hour at most of the places where he washed dishes.

Pedro was then turned over to the INS. INS released him and began deportation proceedings. Which is odd, because dude was trying to leave. But now he is not. Why? Because the government has decided to keep his money.

Lawyers have been working pro bono to get his money back and fight his deportation.

"They are treating me like a criminal when all I am is a working man," he said.

Whatever, criminal. You came here and worked jobs for minimum wage or less without paying taxes. And you lived here illegally, which basically means you stole our money. You may as well have killed our babies. But still, well meaning people heard the criminal’s story and donated $10,000, which was put into a trust.

The government did offer Pedro a deal:

He could take $10,000 of the original cash seized, plus $9,000 in donations as long as he didn't talk publicly and left the country immediately.

Uh, what the fuck? Who went to arbitrary number school? How about you take out the tax money Pedro didn't pay and let him keep the rest? And then go after his employers. But we've decided to keep his money and spend our resources fighting it in court. Is it possible to be any more horrible?

Now the Internal Revenue Service wants access to the donated cash to cover taxes on the donations and on the money Zapeta made as a dishwasher.

Right, we can be more horrible. Here’s a better idea: Why not keep the $59,000, take the $10,000 and then make him pay taxes on the money that we took? That is what America is all about.

But hey, at least things are looking down for Pedro.

On Wednesday, Zapeta went to immigration court and got more bad news. The judge gave the dishwasher until the end of January to leave the country on his own. He's unlikely to see a penny of his money.

Is there any way we could also kick him in his illegal balls? And then not let him keep his balls because we kicked them?

"I no longer feel good about this country."

Neither do I, Pedro.

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