Quick! Shut Down the Internet, That Singing Dinosaur Doesn't Like it

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The least intimidating knight in the history of the realm, Sir Elton John, recently said that he thinks the Internet should be shut down.

In a related story, Napoleon's ghost doesn't understand why we need all these "cars."

Never one to keep his opinions to himself, the Rocket Man has waded into cyberspace with all guns blazing. He claims it is destroying good music, saying: “The internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other, creating stuff. “Instead they sit at home and make their own records, which is sometimes OK but it doesn’t bode well for long-term artistic vision."
Out of all the horrendous things the Internet has created/furthered: copyright infringement, movie and music piracy, identity theft, takeout for pedophiles, credit scams, stalking, etc. I'd put "preventing musicians from interacting thereby hurting music," right next to "noise pollution created by 'You've Got Mail' alerts," on the importance scale.

“We’re talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that’s not going to happen with people blogging on the internet."
Music changes the world, what, every 15 years or so, maybe... Now that's never going to happen again... because of the Internet. And bloggers.

“I mean, get out there — communicate."
He says, in response to people using the greatest instrument for mass communication ever created. Yeah, shut that off and go talk to your neighbor. About making great music.

If only the Internet had some sort of electronic mail or magic "instant message" system... Ah what the fuck am I talking about, smoke signals work just fine. Occasionally.

“Hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet."
It could happen... Communism, aparteid and toaster ovens, all evils vanquished by the might that is... music. Remember when "Rocket Man" killed Hitler? And "Tiny Dancer" helped that tiny dancer follow her dream? Good times...

“Let’s get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging."
Sounds great! I know the perfect tool for organizing a large protest -- Oh, wait...

“I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span.
That does sound like an amazing experiment. Right up there with affixing sequins to formal wear while behaving like a humorless tyrant.

Multi-millionaire Elton, who turned 60 earlier this year, has admitted in the past that he is a bit behind the times. The Grammy award-winner was once quoted as saying: “I am the biggest technophobe of all time.“I don’t have a mobile phone or an iPod or anything.“I am such a Luddite when it comes to making music. All I can do is write at the piano.”
Ahh, who better to pass judgement on a technology than someone who has admitted zero knowledge of its capabilities.

But the flamboyant singer has embraced the web in other ways. The 60th birthday concert Sir Elton played to a 20,000-strong crowd at New York’s Madison Square Garden was streamed live over the internet. The singer also announced earlier this year that his entire back catalogue of albums would be made available for digital download.
What? A guy can't change his mind in order to make a sweeping, poorly-informed generalization?

The internet has played a huge role in kick-starting the careers of some of Britain’s best new talent. Sandi Thom shot to fame after broadcasting webcam concerts from her London basement flat, while both the Arctic Monkeys and Lily Allen acknowledge the part played by the web in their success.
Lily who? Never heard of them.

But Elton also complained about the quality of music being released. He said: “In the early Seventies there were at least ten albums released every week that were fantastic. Now you’re lucky to find ten albums a year of that quality."
And I think we all know why that is. Thanks for nothing, Internet... you dick!



TheCoolerKing concedes that more people going outside and enjoying life would be a great thing.

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