Asshole Fuckface Roundup – Double Deluxe Weekend Edition

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It's Saturday and you know what that means: It's time for another FearTheReaper Asshole Fuckface Roundup! This week there was such an amazing amount of Asshole Fuckfaces that I was forced to Super Size the Roundup. It’s Double Deluxe Asshole Fuckface weekend! A Saturday AND Sunday Fuckface bonanza! Hang on to your sphincters and take a look at this week’s winners.

Which Asshole Fuckfaces hate whales besides the Japanese? The White House.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recommended that ship speed limits along the eastern seaboard be lowered during the migration of North Atlantic right whales. The number of right whales on Earth is now less than 300 and the leading cause of death for the endangered species is being hit by a ship. Calves are the most vulnerable to the murder boats.

“Speed limits are the indispensable ingredient in a winning recovery strategy for the right whale,” stated New England PEER Director Kyla Bennett.

The White House, of course, has delayed taking any action while they talk to their foreign shipping buddies. The review period is usually on 90 days, but the White House has refused to make a decision for 9 months. Now the White House Council of Economic Advisors is reviewing how right whales die, because if you want information on a marine mammal, you ask economists, not biologists.

Meanwhile, the White House is hearing complaints from shipping companies. Or, more specifically, foreign shipping companies. Of the 27 companies that sent a letter to the White House opposing the speed limit reduction, nearly all were foreign owned. Fuck the whales, save the foreign shipping companies!

My next Asshole Fuckface is borderline retarded.

We have now gotten to the point where people who loudly support George Bush are laughed at consistently. It is absurd to back anything he has or is doing. The man is the epitome of a bad president. Yet, they keep opening their mouths and blathering their nonsense. This week the editor of the Weekly Standard, Fred Barnes, took his praise too far when he compared Bush to Lincoln. You can forward this horrible video to 3:13 if you want to avoid Fred comparing Bush to Truman.



It is sad to see a man so deluded; yet we must hold him responsible and label him a Fuckface Asshole.

My next Asshole Fuckface on the list is a group of anonymous people who are a delightful combination of racists and cowards.

Ian Johnson is a Boise State University running back who scored the winning two-point conversion in this year’s Fiesta Bowl. After the game, he got on his knee and proposed to his cheerleader girlfriend. The nation watched on national television as she said, “yes.” It was a beautiful moment – except for some people, who saw it as a horrible nightmare of race mixing.

Johnson is black and his fiancé is white, which makes people who are living in the sixties, or Idaho, really angry. The wedding is today and Johnson has been forced to hire security due to the death threats he has received. The threats have come in the form of letter (very 19th century), by phone (very 20th century) and in person (very Cro-Magnon).

It's really sad because a lot of people that are probably doing it are the same people who were cheering me on.

Whoa! Carrying a football has nothing to do with marrying our women. Keep up the good work, America! I am swelling with pride.

What would an Asshole Fuckface Roundup be without Republicans and Democrats?

The two parties are making it extra-easy for corporations to purchase the politician of their choice by allowing companies to buy some time at their national conventions.

Organizers of the Republican and Democratic conventions are offering company’s access to power brokers and the chance to lobby them as they try to pick up their fundraising pace a year before the events.

Thank God. It is way to difficult for companies to buy politicians nowadays and they really need a break. The GOP is doing their best by offering corporate sponsors a round of golf with GOP leaders for only $2.5 million. The Democrats will let a company “host talks” with their politicians for a mere $250,000. That is one hell of a bargain.

Asshole Fuckface and Democratic Representative Diana DeGette does not see any problem with the scheme.

A reception that donors attend … doesn't in itself show any undue influence.

Yeah, why would anyone who pays $250,000 just to talk to you expect any sort of favor for that kind of money?

Republicans hope to pull in $58 million for their convention in Minnesota, while Democrats are looking for a paltry $40 million. The rest of their convention costs will be paid for by public money. These Asshole Fuckaces should not be given a dime of public money if they are taking such massive corporate donations. What is the point? The only reason to give them public money is so they will not sell out. But they are selling out, so we should yank the public funds. Now, who’s in charge of that?

Fuck.

Congrats to all of this week’s winners. You each get a pewter FearTheReaper flask!

Double Deluxe weekend continues tomorrow....

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