Comedy Outlawed

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It's been almost a month since the controversial New York-based radio show "The Dog House" was taken off the air and away from it's loyal listeners. Despite the best efforts of their fans, the show's hosts JV and Elvis are still without a forum to do what they do best -- create hilarious comedy. Godspeed, gentlemen. Apparently it no longer pays to be funny.

One month after CBS Radio fired radio host Don Imus, it has permanently pulled the plug on a pair of suspended New York shock jocks for a prank phone call rife with offensive Asian stereotypes. "The Dog House with JV and Elvis," hosted by Jeff Vandergrift and Dan Lay, "will no longer be broadcast," CBS Radio spokeswoman Karen Mateo said Saturday.
It's one thing to censor a dinosaur like Imus, or, say, a teacher trying to make a difference. Fine, go right ahead, fire away. But to attack a duo on the vanguard of comedy as is clearly the case with JV and Elvis... Well, that to me reeks of idiocy.

Vandergrift and Lay broadcast a call to a Chinese restaurant in which the caller, in an exaggerated accent, placed an order for "shrimp flied lice," claimed he was a student of kung fu, and compared menu items to employees' body parts.
I don't know the secret to comedy, and I don't claim to... Is it luck? Opportunity? A magic rock? Some sort of bubbling liquid concoction drunk during a specific cycle of the moon? Who can say? The answer is: JV and Elvis. They can say. And for this, we punish them.

These two mavericks, these two students of human nature, train their razor-sharp comedic wits on the city around them and they see something none of us saw. The fact that some Asian people, when learning a second language, have a tendency to not do it with absolute perfection. In fact, sometimes they confuse letters... and it is fucking hilarious.

I had an inkling of this phenomenon a few weeks ago and believe me, I am kicking myself for not writing some sort of sketch or bit to cash in... But hey,
that's why they have access to a sound board filled with funny noises and I'm sitting here... with no sound board containing funny noises.

Then, our heroes let loose with a comedic wrecking ball. Shrimp. Flied. Lice. At first I thought I was looking at a typo. Then, it hits me. Oh shit, that is
totally how it sounds when an Asian person mispronounces the phrase "shrimp fried rice." Don't believe me? Try it. Out loud. Yeah, you're welcome.

But the wrecking ball wasn't done swinging. JV then claimed to be a "student of kung fu." Not following? Well, here's the thing, Asian people have been known to take kung fu. Not only that, it's a sport that originated in, you guessed it, China. Last time I checked, China was in Asia, folks.

The initial airing of the call went unnoticed, but a rebroadcast after Imus's firing prompted an outcry from Asian-American groups. Vandergrift and Lay were initially suspended without pay, but Asian-Americans quickly demanded the same penalty applied to the much higher-profile Imus.
Happy, America? You've silenced another artist. With the help of numerous Asian-American groups you pounded the final nail into their prop-filled coffin. Sure, there will be the scores of imitators now that the heavy lifting is done and the trail has been blazed -- third rate knock-offs running around with Fu Manchu mustaches, trying to run people over with rickshaws -- but it won't be the same.

Jeff Vandergrift and Dan Lay... This last one goes out to you. You will be missed... (pushes button)

SFX: (toilet flush) (game show buzzer) (goat bleat)

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