Minutemen Feast On Each Other

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The Minutemen have been trying to stop the Mexican hordes pouring over our border since 2005. They are an anti-immigrant vigilante force who patrols the border because our government doesn’t give a shit. Without them we would probably be in the exact same place we are now, so we owe them a great deal of gratitude.

But the journey has not been easy for these racist Americans. The Minutemen split within months of forming in a dispute over money. And now new problems may sink the organization altogether.

A splinter group, the Patriots Border Alliance was formed after the Minutemen asked their leader, Chris Simcox, to come to Arizona to account for the group’s funds. The group cannot account for $1.6 million in donations. Simcox responded by tossing several members out of the group. Now hundreds of Minutemen are leaving and heading to the equally useless Patriots Border Alliance.

Now the border saviors have a border fence dispute. Jim Campbell, who is apparently retarded, gave the Minutemen $100,000 to build an “Israeli-style” fence on private property. Campbell was emotionally and financially moved in the spring of 2006 when he heard about the Minutemen’s fence plan. Who wouldn’t be? The group was going to construct a “multilayered fence consisting of concertina wire, motion-detecting cameras and anti-vehicle ditches along 10 miles of private land.” I got a hard on just writing that. Campbell did too, because he apparently mortgaged his house to help build the fence.

One year later, Campbell is suing the Minutemen for fraud and breach of contract. He is seeking $1.2 million in damages. It seems the Minutemen only built a “flimsy” fence that would be quite good at keeping out cows, but not immigrants. Cows are not taking our jobs or ruining our healthcare system. Simcox claims the fence is only the beginning and more work has yet to be done, but considering he does not want to face his fellow members to account for funds, he is probably full of shit.

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