Women Declare WARdrobe

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Hypothetically, you're standing on the edge of a cliff with your girlfriend, who has chosen this place to show you her favorite outfit of all time—it makes her bits go boom and her junk go thunk. Suddenly the ground gives way underfoot, but only your foot, and you, my friend, are about to perilously drop thousands upon thousands of feet, where you will land dead. Your girlfriend takes stunning evasive maneuvers and dives grabbing you with her free hand. Unfortunately, you both realize that her reflexes don't reflect her upper body strength and she must now choose between you and the outfit she is holding in her other hand, if you are live to live. According to a recent study, if this were a possible scenario, you'd be dead. Nearly half of the women, or 48 percent, taking part in the survey by consumer products giant Unilever said their favorite article of clothing was more reliable than their man in giving them confidence and making them feel sexy.

"Some people say clothes make the man, but the right clothes can even replace him," fashion designer, stylist and TV personality Carson Kressley from the reality TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" said in a statement accompanying the poll. The poll confirms what many men already know, women love clothes, often times more than they do us. The polls runs some stunning statistics down the cat walk. One thousand women between 18 and 54 years of age were asked to compare clothes, sex, and men, and the news isn't good. Women on average say they would be willing to give up sex for 15 months for a closet full of new apparel, with 2 percent ready to abstain from sex for three years in exchange for new duds, according to a new survey of about 1,000 women in 10 U.S. cities.

Sixty-one percent of women polled said it would be worse to lose their favorite article of clothing than give up sex for a month. Is this really true? Maybe I could understand this if it were put in a different context. What is the price of this wardrobe? Because if someone offered me a serious quantity of money, I'm in. I can hold out a pretty long time if were talking serious figures. But if I were to estimate the entire cost of my current wardrobe I would say it cost less than $2,500. That's including shoes. It's not great I know, and I wish I had some nice suits, but even if I splurged for them, I could see having a pretty sweet closet for about $10 grand. So an average woman can't outfit themselves proudly with $10,000? And if you could, you'd still be willing to give up sex for a little less than $700 a month? It really means that little to you? And if it costs more than that for a decent wardrobe, say $100,000, would you take the cash or the clothes?

I'm guessing that for a fair amount of women asked sex is so easily obtainable, so readily available and persistently offered, that it seems cheapened, and as a result can be taken for granted on test day. Obviously, because women's sex drives are going to be of wildly varying degrees my questions have to be rhetorical, that or I have to go ask a thousand women to have any real answers.

But I'll leave that to the scientists.

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