• news
  • TUESDAY OCTOBER 26 2004 12:00 PM

Tuesday Special: How To Get Fucked 101

Submitted by RANDOM FUCKBAG

Edited by Al

I was partying like a real bastard last weekend, totally lit up off my ass. After closing time at the club rolled around I found myself relocated to this crazy as all hell opium party in some random greasy dirtball's basement. Anyway every time I take red-rock opium rectally, it makes me mega horny and nuttier than a squirrel turd, drugs in general typically make me desperately fiend for a little slit action. I was definately down for fucking anything at that point. Being nothing special myself, I tried to pick a sick girl from the herd. Next thing you know i found myself in a walk-in closet with a very plain looking gal who was also loaded on God himself only knows what, she was literally drooling all over the place and shit! Well after giving her the shaft (both holes) till I was completely drained dry in the cocksnot department, we had a little conversation. Damn, quite the little chat it was, turns out this girl is actually my 1st cousin who was visiting from out of town, whom I had never met before! My question is: should I feel guilty, is this shit like my fault or what? For christ's sake we were unprotected too, what the hell should I do next?


ps - this is such a fucked up situation and I am scared absolutely shitless here...please someone tell me what to do, this BS is keeping me up at night, thank ya

  • PERMALINK
  • PRINT
  • Digg This
  • Email To A Friend
 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2

Next

Comments
Wren

Wren

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

OCT 26, 2004 12:21 PM

This cannot be true. However, if it is, I am amazed.

That you not only took opium rectally, but have done this enough to say "every time I take red-rock opium rectally..." - is crazy in an of itself.

I'm not sure if you should feel guilty in this situation. I know I would feel quite out of sorts if I'd slipped one into my cousin's poop-chute, regardless of how close I were to her. The only advice I can give you is to keep your mouth shut at Thanksgiving. And get yourself tested for STDs. But I still don't believe this is a real question. O_o

Nixon

Nixon

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

OCT 26, 2004 12:32 PM

I suggest you submit this query to the"Ask Sicily, Fucker" thread. Unless, of course, you are Sicily....

JaiDee

JaiDee

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

OCT 26, 2004 12:41 PM

HA! you moron.

thanks. that made my day.

Ayres

Ayres

SUICIDEGIRL

Argentina

OCT 26, 2004 01:37 PM

heheh... perhaps you can do some scripts for cheap porn movies...

Fleur

Fleur

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 26, 2004 01:39 PM

ha ha ha you fucked your cousin awesome.

Ash

Ash

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

OCT 26, 2004 01:48 PM

You cannot get high off fake drugs ... or horny for that matter.

Sid

Sid

SUICIDEGIRL

Colorado, USA

OCT 26, 2004 03:07 PM

this will solve your problems if you remember to do these things in THIS order:

1. Talk
then
2. Sex

not the other way around...

Al

Al

SUICIDEGIRL

Christmas Island

OCT 26, 2004 03:23 PM

Sid said:
this will solve your problems if you remember to do these things in THIS order:

1. Talk
then
2. Sex

not the other way around...



This is actually a very good answer, I think.

Thistle

Thistle

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

OCT 26, 2004 03:24 PM

You are already "fucked," because you are a dumbass. Having a little inbred child with your ugly drug slut cousin will just be the cocksnot icing on the cake of your worthless life.

Vanessa

Vanessa

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

OCT 26, 2004 05:01 PM

What she ^ said.

Roethke

Roethke

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

OCT 26, 2004 06:13 PM

You should feel guilty for having unprotected sex. Very very guilty, you disease ridden mongrel. Good thing you people interbreed. We don't want you messing with the rest of the gene pool.

Gadget

Gadget

SUICIDEGIRL

New Hampshire, USA

OCT 29, 2004 02:52 PM

ok first off...it's to late for the morning after pill if you hadn't already thought of that.

i would like you to re read what thistle said...

and then go cry in a closet because your child will not be able to ever learn how to read...

you suck at life.

and now i'm going to laugh at you.

hahahahahahahahhahshhshshshshahahahahahhahahsnortahahhahahahahahhgurglehahahahahahahahahahahahhsnarfhahahahahhahahahahh

Lotus

Lotus

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

OCT 30, 2004 12:15 PM

The chance of having a child with some sort of defect is really lower than society would have you believe.
Cecil tells it like it is

Cairo

Cairo

SUICIDEGIRL

Maryland, USA

OCT 31, 2004 10:44 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Gadget

Gadget

SUICIDEGIRL

New Hampshire, USA

NOV 01, 2004 06:05 AM

Lotus said:
The chance of having a child with some sort of defect is really lower than society would have you believe.
Cecil tells it like it is




thank you for that...that was a really good article.

but we should still laugh at him/her.

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2

Next

featured interviews