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  • WEDNESDAY MARCH 1 2006 9:00 PM

Can I Trust My Wife?

Submitted by tommy34

Edited by Olivia

I'm a paralyzed veteran of the war in Iraq. Before I left I met a girl, and when I got over there I spent alot of money on phone cards to call her and wrote quite a decent amount of letters to her. During these calls and letters we kind of fell for each other while I was waiting to go from Kuwait. Then I got to Iraq, where I was shot 4 days later.

I came home and did my rehab at a hospital 4 hours away from our hometown and she would visit me and demonstrated a loyalty that is rarely seen in most people today. It was here that she told me point-blank that I was going to marry her. This was fine with mw as I was already planning to propose but she beat me to the punch so to speak.

We moved in together so we could learn what is was going to be like and for a year everything was fine. We got married about 5 months ago and things slowly started to change. Now we've been together for about a year and a half and we barely kiss or have any other kind of intimate contact (sex not included its not as important as the other stuff, as crazy as that may sound).

She's a lot more short tempered with me, for example she'll snap at me as though Im a small child driving her crazy even if I haven't said anything to her before that. Most importantly, she hangs out with a guy who used to be a fuck buddy of hers and although she swears its innocent and I try to believe her, it's quite difficult. Is there anything I can do, or should I just trust her and be done it?

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Comments
Saraphine

Saraphine

SUICIDEGIRL

Pennsylvania, USA

MAR 01, 2006 09:04 PM

Oh, this is a sad sad story...I'm sorry. Sounds like she is having some issues. To answer your question---no, probably not. Even if she isn't sleeping with the guy, she may be having an emotional relationship with him which could be just as destructive. Talk to her about it maybe?

Anabel

Anabel

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

MAR 02, 2006 10:13 AM

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having troubles. My advice is to approach her and try talking about how you feel. Don't wait until she snaps at you, or you are in the middle of a fight -- try to bring it up during a neutral, if not pleasant time...and try not to be confrontational, because that may just put her on the defense. Communication and honesty will be key here, as is always the case in relationships.

Best of luck! Please let us know if you need anything...
And thanks for your service.

kiss

Gadget

Gadget

SUICIDEGIRL

New Hampshire, USA

MAR 03, 2006 11:47 AM

From reading this and from my own expierences she probably feels a little trapped. I can't speak for her obviously but if she's being short tempered there's a reason.

I'm also agree with what Saraphine said. Even if she's having an emotional relationship that is still going to destroy the emotional connection you have with her... which sounds to me like the more important part of your connection, in your opnion.

I would suggest going to some kind of mediation.

Lotus

Lotus

SUICIDEGIRL

Ontario, Canada

MAR 05, 2006 08:09 AM

marriage couselling!

Doxie

Doxie

SUICIDEGIRL

Oregon, USA

MAR 10, 2006 09:56 PM

I think that you should calmly sit down with her and discuss your concerns in a stable, respectable manner.

Also, don't forget to wine and dine her wink There is obviously something bothering her, this may lighten her mood and help her open up.

And don't forget counseling/therapy.

[Edited on Mar 10, 2006 11:57PM]

Wren

Wren

SUICIDEGIRL

Minnesota, USA

MAR 24, 2006 08:38 PM

Here is the thing. No matter how much you love a person and how great things are when you're dating, you learn the roles of "husband" and "wife" from your own parents. To an extent, we become our parents when we assume those roles. Perhaps her mother was a shrew, or her father was notorious for his infidelity. You need to get to the bottom of these issues, and marriage counselling is probably your best bet. If you two really love each other, you'll work it out. Tell her that you want to get some help, tell her how you feel, but don't use "you" statements ("You've been acting differently lately", "You make me feel like a child"). Use "I" statements ("I feel like things are different between us lately", "I'd like to get an outside opinion on things").

Good luck!

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