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  • FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 30 2005 8:00 PM

Overly Generous?

Submitted by hellkitten

Edited by DebraJean

A month ago a cousin of mine whom I've never met before and his girlfriend decided to move across the country from Ontario to BC. When they arrived they came to our house at 9:30pm. By 11:30pm my folks want to go to bed and begin hinting that it's getting late and they should be on their way to a hotel. It comes out that they would rather not go to a hotel, so we invite them to stay the night.

Next thing we know it's been a week and we find out they have no money to get themselves going and find a place to live. We feel badly that they've come so far and have no where else to go, so we accept that they'll have to stay a little longer. Then their car breaks down. What else can we do but pay for it to be fixed so they can drop resumes off and get to interviews.

My cousin finds work in the third week of staying with us, but during his interview with the company he says he has steel toed boots when in reality he doesn't. With a sigh of uneasiness we buy him the boots he needs.
My cousin's girlfriend on the other had had been getting quite a few call backs and interviews, although after working a shift at each of the places she says she's holding out for a better paying job.
Since my cousin missed the payroll cut off he says he'll be getting his first pay cheque in the middle of October and that they'll need to stay until then. As we all know, one paycheque will not be enough for them to pay a month's rent, a security deposit, food, furniture, etc...
My parents and I are seriously considering giving them enough money to get a place for themselves just so they won't be hanging around our house anymore.

My question is this: How far is too far? Are we being too generous to people who seem to be (and I quote my cousin's father) sponging off us? What should we do???

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Comments
Erin

Erin

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

OCT 01, 2005 06:34 AM

Oi! What is wrong with these people? Yes, you are being used. They seem to have left you with no choice in the matter. What, is your immediate family extremely well off, or something?

Give them chores and a reasonable deadline and let them work it out. Offer to pay reasonable rates to take on errands around your house like painting or housekeeping instead of just handing them a wad of cash. Remind the girlfriend that she can still work her shifts as she hunts for a better paying job. Don't make your home so appealing that they aren't at all motivated to leave.

Fuck furniture, they can totally survive in a studio apartment with only some sleeping bags that you can lend them, 2 sets of eating utensils purchased from goodwill with maybe a pot and a pan, a few towels and maybe a beanbag. In the US we have food stamps and welfare, what are the Canadian equivalents? If you can't help but be generous, let them know that they are welcome to come to dinner anytime, just give a call.

Help them by motivating them, not by doing it for them. Also, they are not your responsibility. Direct them to their own parents if they require any more of your resources. robot

Aussie

Aussie

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

OCT 01, 2005 10:00 AM

If they are thankful when they leave, and they learn from you to never make mistakes like that again, then it is worth it.

DebraJean

DebraJean

SUICIDEGIRL

Egypt

OCT 03, 2005 11:57 PM

they sound like spoiled brats who think they are to good to take care of themselves. tell them to get the fuck out and get fucking jobs and fuck off. fuck.

Malloreigh

Malloreigh

SUICIDEGIRL

British Columbia, Canada

OCT 04, 2005 12:17 AM

Give them no privacy. Also, ask them to sleep in separate rooms or on separate couches. biggrin They'll leave in a hurry.

Melika

Melika

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 04, 2005 06:21 AM

erin said it all.
i'm just gonna say ditto.

Synnove

Synnove

SUICIDEGIRL

New Brunswick, Canada

OCT 04, 2005 06:58 AM

kick them out. they're not your responsibility.

Arete

Arete

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

OCT 04, 2005 04:49 PM

your cousin's dad gave you a heavy hint: this probably isn't the first time that they have tried to leach off of other people. don't pity them at all, but i know it's hard to just kick someone out.

Erin gave some great advice in regards to how to deal with them until they get back on their feet. once you formulate a plan, STICK WITH IT. when the deadline for them to get the hell out of your house comes, that's it, kick them out. good luck kiss

Mei

Mei

SUICIDEGIRL

Vatican City

OCT 04, 2005 07:37 PM

if you were their parents, maybe you wouldn't call this "taking advantage." if you knew that they'd do the same for you, and would have the means to do so very soon, maybe. if circumstances were more dire, like neither of them could find a job of any sort, even minimum-wage fast-food, and they had a kid that they couldn't feed, maybe. but they're holding out for better, not depending on themselves, because they CAN. because of y'all. in psychobabble, they call this "enabling."

Erin did say it all, give them a deadline (soon), and hold them to it no matter what. they'll figure something out.

Brixton

Brixton

SUICIDEGIRL

Connecticut, USA

OCT 06, 2005 12:53 PM

man, i can understand needing to crash at families house for a little while.

but it seems like hey're making themselves comfortable, and have no intent on leaving. just maybe- go apartment hunting with them, offer to pay their first months rent and some food, and write u pan agreement that it's a loan only, and they have to pay you back.

Roethke

Roethke

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

OCT 16, 2005 05:25 PM

Erin said:
Oi! What is wrong with these people? Yes, you are being used. They seem to have left you with no choice in the matter. What, is your immediate family extremely well off, or something?

Give them chores and a reasonable deadline and let them work it out. Offer to pay reasonable rates to take on errands around your house like painting or housekeeping instead of just handing them a wad of cash. Remind the girlfriend that she can still work her shifts as she hunts for a better paying job. Don't make your home so appealing that they aren't at all motivated to leave.

Fuck furniture, they can totally survive in a studio apartment with only some sleeping bags that you can lend them, 2 sets of eating utensils purchased from goodwill with maybe a pot and a pan, a few towels and maybe a beanbag. In the US we have food stamps and welfare, what are the Canadian equivalents? If you can't help but be generous, let them know that they are welcome to come to dinner anytime, just give a call.

Help them by motivating them, not by doing it for them. Also, they are not your responsibility. Direct them to their own parents if they require any more of your resources. robot



Excellent advice. THey can work off the money they owe you will still living there. Yardwork, cooking, cleaning, running errands--continuing to have a place to stay at your house should be contingent on working off the money they owe you. Also make a payment plan with them for after they leave so they owe you a set amount of money for each month or week, and accept no excuses.

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