So what's been keeping me out of total fucking depression has been this band...
I get home put on explosions in the sky, log into League of Legends, get dinner ready, pack 2 hubs and a bong...
I haven't smoked this much EVER!! My usage used to be once every 5 months at the most but now it's been once a night at the least... my hub smoking is still the same 3/4 head rotations a night... Bad I know... There is a huge difference between drinking and smoking weed... I think clearer when I've smoked compared to drinking, I actually process my bottled up emotions and not suppress them like I do when my concious mind is in control nor do they surface negatively like when I've been drinking, I usually feel hurt and that leads to anger or depression. I had developed a problem where I couldn't wait to leave work just so that I can get drunk again... Now I don't realise it's time to go home.
I realised I had a problem when I went out with friends and picked up girl at a club and went home with her. (so out of character for me) This is a perfect example of emotions manifesting negatively, I was angry at a girl I like and frustrated so I chatted up the girl I thought was the hottest at the club, as I was leaving she asked if I would go back home with her. My friends see me as "legend", I don't. I felt like I had betrayed the real me, the next few times I'd gone out "clubbing" I would wake up at home and not remember half the night and go through my phone to see if I had any fires to put out... I just couldn't live with myself being so broken and down, drinking just didn't help, people that think drinking solves all problems is an idiot, you just feel shit afterwards and THAT makes you feel even worse about your problems, then you start drinking because you drink.
I don't know why I wrote all that I'm sure someone will read it and be like "hey I relate..." It's been nice to get these kind of things off of my chest even though people might not read them...
I've been wanting to do a youtube vlog series for a while. I'll start it as a journal project... maybe I'll do that tonight after LoL...
anyway I need to do some work... fml...
I get home put on explosions in the sky, log into League of Legends, get dinner ready, pack 2 hubs and a bong...
I haven't smoked this much EVER!! My usage used to be once every 5 months at the most but now it's been once a night at the least... my hub smoking is still the same 3/4 head rotations a night... Bad I know... There is a huge difference between drinking and smoking weed... I think clearer when I've smoked compared to drinking, I actually process my bottled up emotions and not suppress them like I do when my concious mind is in control nor do they surface negatively like when I've been drinking, I usually feel hurt and that leads to anger or depression. I had developed a problem where I couldn't wait to leave work just so that I can get drunk again... Now I don't realise it's time to go home.
I realised I had a problem when I went out with friends and picked up girl at a club and went home with her. (so out of character for me) This is a perfect example of emotions manifesting negatively, I was angry at a girl I like and frustrated so I chatted up the girl I thought was the hottest at the club, as I was leaving she asked if I would go back home with her. My friends see me as "legend", I don't. I felt like I had betrayed the real me, the next few times I'd gone out "clubbing" I would wake up at home and not remember half the night and go through my phone to see if I had any fires to put out... I just couldn't live with myself being so broken and down, drinking just didn't help, people that think drinking solves all problems is an idiot, you just feel shit afterwards and THAT makes you feel even worse about your problems, then you start drinking because you drink.
I don't know why I wrote all that I'm sure someone will read it and be like "hey I relate..." It's been nice to get these kind of things off of my chest even though people might not read them...
I've been wanting to do a youtube vlog series for a while. I'll start it as a journal project... maybe I'll do that tonight after LoL...
anyway I need to do some work... fml...
I've been feeling very philisophical of late...
I've been thinking about how there is a symbiotic relationship between the strong minded and weak minded. There are people in this world that are more emotionally and mentally equiped than others, these people normally rise to higher levels (in all aspects of life) and these people have an instict for helping those that aren't as well equiped. The lesser have an instict that draws them towards the person that will be able to support them and guide them. This is how I believe people form friendships, not the "hey, I know you..." friendships but the long lasting -sit on the porch at 80 together even after taking that punch from the bouncer for you, while you screwing his girlfriend in her car- friendships.
there is more to the theory but i'm too lazy to type... one day when I have it all on paper I'll post it
I've been thinking about how there is a symbiotic relationship between the strong minded and weak minded. There are people in this world that are more emotionally and mentally equiped than others, these people normally rise to higher levels (in all aspects of life) and these people have an instict for helping those that aren't as well equiped. The lesser have an instict that draws them towards the person that will be able to support them and guide them. This is how I believe people form friendships, not the "hey, I know you..." friendships but the long lasting -sit on the porch at 80 together even after taking that punch from the bouncer for you, while you screwing his girlfriend in her car- friendships.
there is more to the theory but i'm too lazy to type... one day when I have it all on paper I'll post it
I think about you
the 1st song is how I felt this morning... It sux being in love with someone and you feel invisible to them... even after telling the person...
the 1st song is how I felt this morning... It sux being in love with someone and you feel invisible to them... even after telling the person...
Sitting home all day listening to explosions in the sky... tomorrow's date I hope isn't cancled 
oh and I had the coolest vienna thing today from a corner cafe, the vienna was wrapped in mash and deep fried, SO fucking good...
oh and I had the coolest vienna thing today from a corner cafe, the vienna was wrapped in mash and deep fried, SO fucking good... need cheering up... will do so tonight, if it doesn't rain and flood my place again...
