Toossday january 29th 2013
things have steadied out quite softly since my last post, which was pulsating with small sets of agony. However sometimes those strong dark emotions simply plead to get out from inside of me, so it is positive - I like to think - that i transferred that energy outwardly.
In anycase taking a small dosage of liquid vitamin B every 1-3 days has eased my depression quite heartily. Also staying inside to shelter myself from this devastating cold spell has proved to be quite appealing. I am playing alot of Vanilla-Wow, and this presents a few conflicting thoughts. The positives are I'm really enjoying myself, and I am rekindling with a part of my past. The negatives: I have been spending excessive amounts of time on it which, in some contexts is considered 'unproductive'. It's also possibly too overstimulating to me in such large doses, so I really oughtta take more breaks inbetween. All in all though: it's really cold outside, I'm not in a position where I particularly have to be productive, and in some ways I am following through with a goal to reach my warlock to lvl 60.
I would like to start recording some music pretty soon though, and I am taking a university Art class, which I've been enjoying, although I don't like leaving the house much these day. I guess in summary I am currently subdued by the powerful effects of world of warcraft. I'll start being more interesting in a bit lolz.
heres a comic i made:
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a248/egrim/kkkllkjkjkjkljlkjkjlkj_zps23e4e55b.jpg
things have steadied out quite softly since my last post, which was pulsating with small sets of agony. However sometimes those strong dark emotions simply plead to get out from inside of me, so it is positive - I like to think - that i transferred that energy outwardly.
In anycase taking a small dosage of liquid vitamin B every 1-3 days has eased my depression quite heartily. Also staying inside to shelter myself from this devastating cold spell has proved to be quite appealing. I am playing alot of Vanilla-Wow, and this presents a few conflicting thoughts. The positives are I'm really enjoying myself, and I am rekindling with a part of my past. The negatives: I have been spending excessive amounts of time on it which, in some contexts is considered 'unproductive'. It's also possibly too overstimulating to me in such large doses, so I really oughtta take more breaks inbetween. All in all though: it's really cold outside, I'm not in a position where I particularly have to be productive, and in some ways I am following through with a goal to reach my warlock to lvl 60.
I would like to start recording some music pretty soon though, and I am taking a university Art class, which I've been enjoying, although I don't like leaving the house much these day. I guess in summary I am currently subdued by the powerful effects of world of warcraft. I'll start being more interesting in a bit lolz.
heres a comic i made:
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a248/egrim/kkkllkjkjkjkljlkjkjlkj_zps23e4e55b.jpg
Tuesday January 22 2013 ksfhfsakl;haslkhsfkhsflhsd;hjkfdghhdjhsdjhdghdgsjhgdjkdhsdghjsdghjdshdsgjkhskdjghkdsjhgjksdhgjkhsdjkghsdjkghjdshgjsdhghksdjghkdsjghdskjghsdjkghjsdhgjsdhgjsdkghskdjghsjdgh
im pretty drunk. It''s funny how lots of other people, probably more so of the male variety play PC games like Vanilla wow, and warcraft 3, maybe even league of legends while drunk, or on drugs. It seems I fit into this demograph. Sad people who grow older only to find bliss in their past combined with euphoric induced reality inhibitors. But I got fucked over by some asshole driving his car. He fucking tore my body apart, I have a legitimate excuse, although far too often I refrain from even bringing it up. Maybe Im lonesome - all the professional help ive undergone has left with with disappointment, and only confirmed what I hate to face, which is that I am contentious of reality, and my decisions are calculative and usually the best? I lost my train of thought. I;m fucked right now. This sight is so weird., I wish a bunch of naked chicks would rub their tits all over me, that would be sweet. blah blah blah blah blah bljdsksakjdaksljdskljd;lksafjklfjsfkljfklsajaksfljklasfjkfljkslafjkaslfjklsafjkasfjkjsafkjasfkjsafkjakslfjklasfjlsakfjlskafskfakjasfjksfjsafkasfkjsjfkjksfjksafjkfjaklsjflasjasflkjsaklfjklsaj;fwg[j
g0234890593[4
]2uy9ji5 j35mk;l43\
340i043u
31
1u613
6
6
1
63443
6343
4
346
346
1
1
1
6-61
1
1
1
0
im pretty drunk. It''s funny how lots of other people, probably more so of the male variety play PC games like Vanilla wow, and warcraft 3, maybe even league of legends while drunk, or on drugs. It seems I fit into this demograph. Sad people who grow older only to find bliss in their past combined with euphoric induced reality inhibitors. But I got fucked over by some asshole driving his car. He fucking tore my body apart, I have a legitimate excuse, although far too often I refrain from even bringing it up. Maybe Im lonesome - all the professional help ive undergone has left with with disappointment, and only confirmed what I hate to face, which is that I am contentious of reality, and my decisions are calculative and usually the best? I lost my train of thought. I;m fucked right now. This sight is so weird., I wish a bunch of naked chicks would rub their tits all over me, that would be sweet. blah blah blah blah blah bljdsksakjdaksljdskljd;lksafjklfjsfkljfklsajaksfljklasfjkfljkslafjkaslfjklsafjkasfjkjsafkjasfkjsafkjakslfjklasfjlsakfjlskafskfakjasfjksfjsafkasfkjsjfkjksfjksafjkfjaklsjflasjasflkjsaklfjklsaj;fwg[j
g0234890593[4
]2uy9ji5 j35mk;l43\
340i043u
31
1u613
6
6
1
63443
6343
4
346
346
1
1
1
6-61
1
1
1
0
Sunday january 20th 2013 dsfkljsfdlk;jflasjkldfsjkfsdj;lfsjkldsjfkljfdsjfkajs;lfkjfdksjkjdklf;sjajkfdasf
I watched 'Seeking a friend for the end of the world' just now. All in all it was nice. The portrayal of the end of the world was done rather poorly or lazily, but the love plot was quite nice. I think if they gave the movie a different context, such as Steve Carrell and Keria knightley meeting up randomly in some kind of mid crisis it could have made a more realistic movie. But both those actors can whip up a good romance show they can. It sort of made me reflect slightly on what romance means to me.
Most of the time I avoid any sign of interest females have in me. I do it because I know I'm a guy, and I have instinctively in the past used girls for just sex, or lead them on to a non committal relationship. I've had one real significant relationship, my first, when I was 13. Things felt real back then. I didn't have to question as much, I could just follow my feelings of lust, frustration, and she too would respond much like a waltz. The gears would turn, and both of us would react to one an others stigma. Of course it died down eventually, but still, it was fresh. Everything passed that point has been irrevocably forced, or as feeble as a lie. I guess thats why I feel like a ghost when I go about my business these days. I can develop flimsy little crushes at times, but non of them ever feel real enough to go through with anything. And who am I to go after anyone anyways. I'm unreliable both financially, and my emotions flip flop like a see-saw. I'm not complaining though, nor do I mean to state this as 'whining' . Because I am simply stating what I have come to accept as I've grown older - which Im not even that old, but some of my experiences sometimes make me feel older than I am. I don't know, it all comes down to feeling exhausted. I can't keep up with my peers: I'm sicklier and very sensitive to stimuli. This damn nausea too, which has recently been overwhelming me out of nowhere is disconcerting. I do complain alot though. At least on this silly blog complain complain complain. BUt that's what I view this blog as. This is honestly what is going through my mind at this particular point in time. I could turn on myself in 2 hours and think of it as all bullocks, and become a whole new identity. Such is the nature of my psych. I do, however cycle as do most people through emotions and thoughts. It's this cycle that goes round and round, whilst adding in new thoughts new experiences, new creations new ideas, and they churn in the wheel as it continues to turn and turn, and all of a sudden the wheel explodes and you are in this entirely new setting: and you pause,
and take in this tiny euphoria-
-
-
-
-
then you hear the old gears dimming back in from the background, those same rusty old gears. You can pile in this newness, but familiarity has a way of ruining everything. Familiarity with myself and my constant bitching and hypochondria, and being stuck with shit that just makes me feel fucking sick. And everyone elses same old shit that they keep cycling on and on into this giant fucking wheel thats toppled with shit. Which is what Facebook is a perfect representative of: cycling shit. EVeryones same old shit, except now its just in everyones face. At least when it's not in my face it isn't as apparent. If it isn't as apparent, then the shit can actually be stuff. Stuff can be cool. I don't know if this was supposed to translate logically, it is just a rant of my current thoughts. An honest rant from a guy who 'does nothing' in the traditional sense. Because if other people can enjoy life and their lives, there is nothing stopping me. I do tend to enjoy life alot too. I just hate feeling ill. If it's anxiety or depression, or acid reflux, gastrointestinal shit, it sucks.
Well down go the happy pills starting today. I don't even need to take them. The government and my family pressure me into a drug addiction. I can function without the pills, I just feel like I am in a space vacuum. Then again, maybe taking them isn't a good idea - they can speed shit up wayyy too much.
Im long overdue for some therapy, gotta wait until tuesday
I watched 'Seeking a friend for the end of the world' just now. All in all it was nice. The portrayal of the end of the world was done rather poorly or lazily, but the love plot was quite nice. I think if they gave the movie a different context, such as Steve Carrell and Keria knightley meeting up randomly in some kind of mid crisis it could have made a more realistic movie. But both those actors can whip up a good romance show they can. It sort of made me reflect slightly on what romance means to me.
Most of the time I avoid any sign of interest females have in me. I do it because I know I'm a guy, and I have instinctively in the past used girls for just sex, or lead them on to a non committal relationship. I've had one real significant relationship, my first, when I was 13. Things felt real back then. I didn't have to question as much, I could just follow my feelings of lust, frustration, and she too would respond much like a waltz. The gears would turn, and both of us would react to one an others stigma. Of course it died down eventually, but still, it was fresh. Everything passed that point has been irrevocably forced, or as feeble as a lie. I guess thats why I feel like a ghost when I go about my business these days. I can develop flimsy little crushes at times, but non of them ever feel real enough to go through with anything. And who am I to go after anyone anyways. I'm unreliable both financially, and my emotions flip flop like a see-saw. I'm not complaining though, nor do I mean to state this as 'whining' . Because I am simply stating what I have come to accept as I've grown older - which Im not even that old, but some of my experiences sometimes make me feel older than I am. I don't know, it all comes down to feeling exhausted. I can't keep up with my peers: I'm sicklier and very sensitive to stimuli. This damn nausea too, which has recently been overwhelming me out of nowhere is disconcerting. I do complain alot though. At least on this silly blog complain complain complain. BUt that's what I view this blog as. This is honestly what is going through my mind at this particular point in time. I could turn on myself in 2 hours and think of it as all bullocks, and become a whole new identity. Such is the nature of my psych. I do, however cycle as do most people through emotions and thoughts. It's this cycle that goes round and round, whilst adding in new thoughts new experiences, new creations new ideas, and they churn in the wheel as it continues to turn and turn, and all of a sudden the wheel explodes and you are in this entirely new setting: and you pause,
and take in this tiny euphoria-
-
-
-
-
then you hear the old gears dimming back in from the background, those same rusty old gears. You can pile in this newness, but familiarity has a way of ruining everything. Familiarity with myself and my constant bitching and hypochondria, and being stuck with shit that just makes me feel fucking sick. And everyone elses same old shit that they keep cycling on and on into this giant fucking wheel thats toppled with shit. Which is what Facebook is a perfect representative of: cycling shit. EVeryones same old shit, except now its just in everyones face. At least when it's not in my face it isn't as apparent. If it isn't as apparent, then the shit can actually be stuff. Stuff can be cool. I don't know if this was supposed to translate logically, it is just a rant of my current thoughts. An honest rant from a guy who 'does nothing' in the traditional sense. Because if other people can enjoy life and their lives, there is nothing stopping me. I do tend to enjoy life alot too. I just hate feeling ill. If it's anxiety or depression, or acid reflux, gastrointestinal shit, it sucks.
Well down go the happy pills starting today. I don't even need to take them. The government and my family pressure me into a drug addiction. I can function without the pills, I just feel like I am in a space vacuum. Then again, maybe taking them isn't a good idea - they can speed shit up wayyy too much.
Im long overdue for some therapy, gotta wait until tuesday
Today is Wednesday
Lately I've been feeling like I have been having major nervous breakdowns hovering around the diagnostics of 'adrenal fatigue' 'PTSD' 'chronic fatigue', but I should not jump to self diagnostics because they are not helpful to me. This is advice given to me from my yoga instructor.
What I have been doing, however, is taking dieting very seriously. I've been eating lots of oranges for vitamin C, and am cooking alot of fat/protein meals and avoiding complex carbohydrates, refined sugars and all that stuff.
In some ways I've been feeling rather good: light, healthy, active. However I have major attacks of stress and anxiety that are perhaps linked to triggers, and in general am having a great deal of trouble dealing with stress. I uninstalled League of legends, and Vanilla Wow because these games were exciting my nerves excessively. I've ordered some cds, and a book: The Highly Sensitive Person which I look forward to reading seeing as I fit the descriptions Hooooo my Im sensitive. So I'm hoping if I continue to make healthy choices and stick on a light positive path, my spirit will be at ease and I can continue to grow positively.
Also I think I am going to start prepping on writing a graphic novel which I am excited to do.
And man these chicks on this site, mannn the tits, sooo nice.,
But Im also cutting down on fapping, so I can only look, and not touch if you know what I mean
Lately I've been feeling like I have been having major nervous breakdowns hovering around the diagnostics of 'adrenal fatigue' 'PTSD' 'chronic fatigue', but I should not jump to self diagnostics because they are not helpful to me. This is advice given to me from my yoga instructor.
What I have been doing, however, is taking dieting very seriously. I've been eating lots of oranges for vitamin C, and am cooking alot of fat/protein meals and avoiding complex carbohydrates, refined sugars and all that stuff.
In some ways I've been feeling rather good: light, healthy, active. However I have major attacks of stress and anxiety that are perhaps linked to triggers, and in general am having a great deal of trouble dealing with stress. I uninstalled League of legends, and Vanilla Wow because these games were exciting my nerves excessively. I've ordered some cds, and a book: The Highly Sensitive Person which I look forward to reading seeing as I fit the descriptions Hooooo my Im sensitive. So I'm hoping if I continue to make healthy choices and stick on a light positive path, my spirit will be at ease and I can continue to grow positively.
Also I think I am going to start prepping on writing a graphic novel which I am excited to do.
And man these chicks on this site, mannn the tits, sooo nice.,
But Im also cutting down on fapping, so I can only look, and not touch if you know what I mean
Today is Saturday.
I may be upset when my subscription to this website ends because I've been actively using it to blog and I don't know if it's worth paying for since I don't tend to use much of the websites features. Although looking at nude hawt alt girls is cool. Lumo in particular is my favourite.
Today I woke up and attempted to water fast for a bit. Then after awhile I realized that such a fast is unnecessary and potentially harmful to me in the particular body state I am in. I believe my vitamin B levels are slightly too high, so I should abstain from it for a little bit. Other than feeling a little too hyper aware/paranoid/anxious I feel generally good. But those other factors, of course, do not cater well to my general well being. All I can deduce is that i'm OCD to a rather unhealthy level and I'm rather irregular, all things I don't take much to my pride. I just need to take it easy for a while, which is what I'm trying to do. Which means I should be (and kind of am) taking a break from League of Legends - a game I am surprisingly good at. The problem which arises from me playing it is it excites me too much, and my heart has gone through too much excitement as of late, and I need to rest and take it easy. Which I repeat to myself over and over again to the point where 'relax and take it easy' translates into OMGHDSGJHKGDJHSGDKLGHDS.
But, I have found some peace in playing The legend of Zelda Twilight princess. A game I have been content with and which doesn't over excite me. However I even have to keep playing that game to a minimum. Fuuu I just need a real relaxing vacation. Away from everyone and this dumb cold city. It is SOOO cold, I don't even go outside the house anymore. It's too hard. Maintaining any kind of love interest is impossible under my mental and physical capriciousness.
Hopefully I will level out to a better equilibrium in time, but I feel like I am jumping out of my skin most of the time.
Just need to relax and take it easy.
I may be upset when my subscription to this website ends because I've been actively using it to blog and I don't know if it's worth paying for since I don't tend to use much of the websites features. Although looking at nude hawt alt girls is cool. Lumo in particular is my favourite.
Today I woke up and attempted to water fast for a bit. Then after awhile I realized that such a fast is unnecessary and potentially harmful to me in the particular body state I am in. I believe my vitamin B levels are slightly too high, so I should abstain from it for a little bit. Other than feeling a little too hyper aware/paranoid/anxious I feel generally good. But those other factors, of course, do not cater well to my general well being. All I can deduce is that i'm OCD to a rather unhealthy level and I'm rather irregular, all things I don't take much to my pride. I just need to take it easy for a while, which is what I'm trying to do. Which means I should be (and kind of am) taking a break from League of Legends - a game I am surprisingly good at. The problem which arises from me playing it is it excites me too much, and my heart has gone through too much excitement as of late, and I need to rest and take it easy. Which I repeat to myself over and over again to the point where 'relax and take it easy' translates into OMGHDSGJHKGDJHSGDKLGHDS.
But, I have found some peace in playing The legend of Zelda Twilight princess. A game I have been content with and which doesn't over excite me. However I even have to keep playing that game to a minimum. Fuuu I just need a real relaxing vacation. Away from everyone and this dumb cold city. It is SOOO cold, I don't even go outside the house anymore. It's too hard. Maintaining any kind of love interest is impossible under my mental and physical capriciousness.
Hopefully I will level out to a better equilibrium in time, but I feel like I am jumping out of my skin most of the time.
Just need to relax and take it easy.
Thursday.
I have successfully not drank any cola today. However I weened using toblerone, which of course is arguably backwards. However, since chocolate contains both sugar, and caffeine - the caffeine in a lower dosage - perhaps I have utilized it appropriately, and am not just making excuses.
Taking vitamin B complex, especially in liquid form to me, has greatly altered my life - in a positive way I hope. I have evened the nutrient/mineral balance in my body by doing this, and in that way have edged myself closer to the supposed general population. Then again that's utter nonsense since everyone is so different, and I do not consider myself at all more similar to the everyday joe. I have energy problems; exhaustion, fatigue, anxiety - PTSD, it can be so fucking hard to drive in the city these days, especially in this dreadful cold. The diet though, if I successfully can eliminate chocolate and cola, which I am confident tomorrow I will be successful with, I know things will improve. They always do when my diet is actively efficacious
Also, a key thing I find for overcoming any addiction is slowly adding new activities to your life. Introducing them, and I can more and more advance in them, and spend more time doing them - especially opposed to the addiction. Although I find it hard to categorize myself as having an addictive personality because I follow logic too strongly. If you can recognize something as being detrimental to yourself, then it is only congruent to purge it. Then again, that logic can appear flawed when one is to look at the tenancies for humans to seek chaos, especially out of boredom. One could also argue 'what defines a worthwhile life?' when comparing a life of addiction to one of sobriety. Buuuut as long as you genuinely want to quit something it is indeed possible - just ween off the substance (a good trick for weening alcohol is switching to bread or chips because they contain a similar yeast format) and slowly add new activities. Also stop and recognize how the substance makes you feel when you do it and afterwards. For chocolate: I feel orgasmic as I eat it, and I feel bloated, and heavy afterwards. I make a conscious effort to acknowledge the afterwards especially.
I had a dream about a girl I was/maybe am in love with. I have reoccurring dreams about her. They are always tremendously tormenting during and afterwards in my following day. There is absolutely nothing I can do to further any relationship with her. It is all a complex paradox completely. Whenever my thoughts stumble upon her, which unfortunately, is typically daily (for over a year now, sometimes I think there are days when I dont think of her, which are probably good days) it fathoms a sinking feeling of hopelessness and futility. The whole situation deems me 'unlovable', so I can't find other love interests. I try to, I really do, because I want out of this horrible cycle Im lost in - but the fact that I want to fall in love with someone else to cover up this incomplete mess in my head left by this one girl, makes my efforts pretty obsolete. It is a prison of sorts it seems. I really hope though it is simply a result of me being delusional. Lately when I start to go off on a tangent, I stop myself and let myself know that A) I don't know everything, and I dont know if that thought is necessarily factual or distorted, and B) My judgement can be typically horrible and way too imaginative.
Unfortunately, on the flip side, sometimes I have alarmingly accurate foresight.
I have successfully not drank any cola today. However I weened using toblerone, which of course is arguably backwards. However, since chocolate contains both sugar, and caffeine - the caffeine in a lower dosage - perhaps I have utilized it appropriately, and am not just making excuses.
Taking vitamin B complex, especially in liquid form to me, has greatly altered my life - in a positive way I hope. I have evened the nutrient/mineral balance in my body by doing this, and in that way have edged myself closer to the supposed general population. Then again that's utter nonsense since everyone is so different, and I do not consider myself at all more similar to the everyday joe. I have energy problems; exhaustion, fatigue, anxiety - PTSD, it can be so fucking hard to drive in the city these days, especially in this dreadful cold. The diet though, if I successfully can eliminate chocolate and cola, which I am confident tomorrow I will be successful with, I know things will improve. They always do when my diet is actively efficacious
Also, a key thing I find for overcoming any addiction is slowly adding new activities to your life. Introducing them, and I can more and more advance in them, and spend more time doing them - especially opposed to the addiction. Although I find it hard to categorize myself as having an addictive personality because I follow logic too strongly. If you can recognize something as being detrimental to yourself, then it is only congruent to purge it. Then again, that logic can appear flawed when one is to look at the tenancies for humans to seek chaos, especially out of boredom. One could also argue 'what defines a worthwhile life?' when comparing a life of addiction to one of sobriety. Buuuut as long as you genuinely want to quit something it is indeed possible - just ween off the substance (a good trick for weening alcohol is switching to bread or chips because they contain a similar yeast format) and slowly add new activities. Also stop and recognize how the substance makes you feel when you do it and afterwards. For chocolate: I feel orgasmic as I eat it, and I feel bloated, and heavy afterwards. I make a conscious effort to acknowledge the afterwards especially.
I had a dream about a girl I was/maybe am in love with. I have reoccurring dreams about her. They are always tremendously tormenting during and afterwards in my following day. There is absolutely nothing I can do to further any relationship with her. It is all a complex paradox completely. Whenever my thoughts stumble upon her, which unfortunately, is typically daily (for over a year now, sometimes I think there are days when I dont think of her, which are probably good days) it fathoms a sinking feeling of hopelessness and futility. The whole situation deems me 'unlovable', so I can't find other love interests. I try to, I really do, because I want out of this horrible cycle Im lost in - but the fact that I want to fall in love with someone else to cover up this incomplete mess in my head left by this one girl, makes my efforts pretty obsolete. It is a prison of sorts it seems. I really hope though it is simply a result of me being delusional. Lately when I start to go off on a tangent, I stop myself and let myself know that A) I don't know everything, and I dont know if that thought is necessarily factual or distorted, and B) My judgement can be typically horrible and way too imaginative.
Unfortunately, on the flip side, sometimes I have alarmingly accurate foresight.
I should stop drinking cola. But I love it so much But it makes me anxious. Or perhaps it's PTSD which either grows or diminishes, however never seems to cease. Which amazes me: am I only driven by chaos brewing inside of me? Or is it my duty as an artist to turn it into something real or orderly. That's me being poetic. It would be fun to be a poet.
However I cannot take myself seriously, nor can I hold on to an ideal for too long. For a flaw is inevitable, and as soon as it is spotted, it will grow and grow like a speckle of ink into a cup of water - enveloping it in it's hold. Then I am left in darkness and I stare at the walls terrified for a few moments. Then a funny thing happens: I start to feel a little bit excited, and somewhat primal. The shrouds of verisimilitude are opened, and I see clearly, but in a state of fear.
This blog is brought to you by post traumatic stress disorder.
look at me trying to be all poetic props yo
However I cannot take myself seriously, nor can I hold on to an ideal for too long. For a flaw is inevitable, and as soon as it is spotted, it will grow and grow like a speckle of ink into a cup of water - enveloping it in it's hold. Then I am left in darkness and I stare at the walls terrified for a few moments. Then a funny thing happens: I start to feel a little bit excited, and somewhat primal. The shrouds of verisimilitude are opened, and I see clearly, but in a state of fear.
This blog is brought to you by post traumatic stress disorder.
look at me trying to be all poetic props yo
The method I am choosing to blog is more of journalling for my personal benefit. Therefore I am abstaining from presenting my blogs to appeal to people. I guess there are so many users constantly blogging or whatever, that it merely gets drowned out with all of the words flying about everywhere. That's one of my critiques of this website: it is too 'mass appealing' and somewhat disorganized. By mass appealing, I refer to the very generic topics and chat I have so far scoped out. I find the boards are too spammingful, but maybe that's due to the massive amount of users. If I were to create a website I would siphon it off into smaller groups like in World of Warcraft's different realms. That way it wouldn't be either an attention fest, and you could slow down. One day perhaps.... I guess the internet ha just become too massive in any case.
Today I have decided I will try and quit my obsession with escort/escort sex. It is too stressful, and perhaps immoral to some extent. I also moved my computer downstairs. I really like these ambient/acid CDs ive been listening to lately. I also plan on playing around with framing some of my paintings. I look forward to that. There's one pretty hot chick that works at the art store, but she's older and has a boyfriend I think.
Career planning called, and said the workshop I was to attend on January 8 has been cancelled. I looove when things like this happen because fate has made a decision for me. You see I was teetering on flaking out of it because I'm pretty tired these days.
The question on my mind currently is the usage of marijuana. The problems I find with it, is that I can enjoy it if I only have a little. But then when I'm high I want to do more because I think it will make it better. But then I just trip massive balls. So it seems the best way is perhaps severing my relationship with it completely.
Indeed indeed suicide girls. This website is intriguing, but I don't know, so far, if I have found a good enough niche to bother with a subscription.
Today I have decided I will try and quit my obsession with escort/escort sex. It is too stressful, and perhaps immoral to some extent. I also moved my computer downstairs. I really like these ambient/acid CDs ive been listening to lately. I also plan on playing around with framing some of my paintings. I look forward to that. There's one pretty hot chick that works at the art store, but she's older and has a boyfriend I think.
Career planning called, and said the workshop I was to attend on January 8 has been cancelled. I looove when things like this happen because fate has made a decision for me. You see I was teetering on flaking out of it because I'm pretty tired these days.
The question on my mind currently is the usage of marijuana. The problems I find with it, is that I can enjoy it if I only have a little. But then when I'm high I want to do more because I think it will make it better. But then I just trip massive balls. So it seems the best way is perhaps severing my relationship with it completely.
Indeed indeed suicide girls. This website is intriguing, but I don't know, so far, if I have found a good enough niche to bother with a subscription.
I am currently reading 'Rendevous with Rama' by Arthur C clarke. I really liked Childhood's end, but I don't think it will be up to it's standards. Still, though, I will most likely enjoy it.
I'm pretty empty feeling, not in a depressive way, just purposeless. It's almost pointless to even blog at all since I dont think anyone really reads this. I'm also very flip-floppy with my mind, so the idea of journal ling is quite frustrating to me.
I am constantly confounded with art/being an artist, because I lose track of the reason why I am doing it.
I do not thrive on identifying myself as an "Artist" quite the contrary - I want to be known as a nobody person with a funny beard. Well as long as I have my beard I guess.
Still, writing this now puts my mind at ease. Perhaps the idea of expressing myself is comforting. I like writing too, I suppose. Creating sentences can be fun, and inserting complimentary vocabulary can be compelling. Hahahaha. Like Alliteration, if you noticed
Well, this was fun. I don't know what I was expecting from making an account on this website. So far it's only active for a month, so whatever and blah blah blah
I'm pretty empty feeling, not in a depressive way, just purposeless. It's almost pointless to even blog at all since I dont think anyone really reads this. I'm also very flip-floppy with my mind, so the idea of journal ling is quite frustrating to me.
I am constantly confounded with art/being an artist, because I lose track of the reason why I am doing it.
I do not thrive on identifying myself as an "Artist" quite the contrary - I want to be known as a nobody person with a funny beard. Well as long as I have my beard I guess.
Still, writing this now puts my mind at ease. Perhaps the idea of expressing myself is comforting. I like writing too, I suppose. Creating sentences can be fun, and inserting complimentary vocabulary can be compelling. Hahahaha. Like Alliteration, if you noticed
Well, this was fun. I don't know what I was expecting from making an account on this website. So far it's only active for a month, so whatever and blah blah blah
