i am having a bad day. my son has bronchitis so i stayed home from my second job today. he is feeling much better now that he had a dy where i made him sit still (really hard to do with a 4 yr old btw) we watched movies all day. it was fun. i slept a lot. and yet i am still VERY tired.
its frustrating having feelings for a man who is amazing, but not in a good place to have a relationship. the most frustrating part about the entire situation is i dont want any one else. i dont want to hang out with my old lover, i dont wana go to the gay bar and pick up hot ladies. i dont wanna go to the straight bar and be hit on by men oogling my boobs. sigh. id rather just sit on the cough and watch movies with him and talk. all the while being sexually frustrated but still not wanting to eleviate it with anyone else. pathetic.
other than that, life is good.
i bought a car, a standard that i can now proudly say i can drive. its a weird feeling to be able to pick up and go to edmonton tomorow if i so chose. without depending on anyone else or having to borrow a car. its empowering, prolly mostly just cuz i went so long with out being able to just pick up and leave when ever i wanted. i mean before i had loki if i wanted to go somewhere than i just took the greyhound and then trasited it around which ever city i went to. i have felt pretty trapped since having loki. now i dont. its a nice weight off my shoulders.
having my loan i took out with my ex paid off is another really positive thing i had happen to me over the last 2 weeks. it was a lot of hard work. in total i paid off 21000$ in 3 years. so even if i never get any money from him through MEP i already know i dont need it. i feel very strong. i am able to do anything i set my mind to.
including moving to bc in 4 months. i need to start saving. other than putting money into my car, it needs a few things, the rest of my free money is going in the bank to move. i cant wait to be in the mountains. i love it there so much.
im not looking forward to the legal battle to change my son's last name though. im pretty sure i dont ned his permision to move tho. we wil see. i will set up an appointment with my lawyer next month. sigh.
its frustrating having feelings for a man who is amazing, but not in a good place to have a relationship. the most frustrating part about the entire situation is i dont want any one else. i dont want to hang out with my old lover, i dont wana go to the gay bar and pick up hot ladies. i dont wanna go to the straight bar and be hit on by men oogling my boobs. sigh. id rather just sit on the cough and watch movies with him and talk. all the while being sexually frustrated but still not wanting to eleviate it with anyone else. pathetic.
other than that, life is good.
i bought a car, a standard that i can now proudly say i can drive. its a weird feeling to be able to pick up and go to edmonton tomorow if i so chose. without depending on anyone else or having to borrow a car. its empowering, prolly mostly just cuz i went so long with out being able to just pick up and leave when ever i wanted. i mean before i had loki if i wanted to go somewhere than i just took the greyhound and then trasited it around which ever city i went to. i have felt pretty trapped since having loki. now i dont. its a nice weight off my shoulders.
having my loan i took out with my ex paid off is another really positive thing i had happen to me over the last 2 weeks. it was a lot of hard work. in total i paid off 21000$ in 3 years. so even if i never get any money from him through MEP i already know i dont need it. i feel very strong. i am able to do anything i set my mind to.
including moving to bc in 4 months. i need to start saving. other than putting money into my car, it needs a few things, the rest of my free money is going in the bank to move. i cant wait to be in the mountains. i love it there so much.
im not looking forward to the legal battle to change my son's last name though. im pretty sure i dont ned his permision to move tho. we wil see. i will set up an appointment with my lawyer next month. sigh.