So I'm trying to decide whether the end of A History of Violence is incredibly depressing or not. Thoughts?

Apart from that, I'm alright. Finished up my paper thats due on Tuesday for my Contemporary American Poetry class with Professor Wakoski. She's incredibly intimidating but I'm really pleased with how I'm doing in her class. She gave me a four point on my midterm so I'm proud of that. If you've never read anything by Diane Wakoski, go check her writing out. Its pretty darn good.

I'm getting some kind of hair-cut this week. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I should do it? I kind of want one of those mullety mohawk dealies, but I don't know how that'd fly at my new job. We'll see.

I feel like such a slacker lately, not writing anything. But I'm so stressed with everything else that I find it hard to focus when I sit down to work on stuff. I'm not really sure I have any original ideas left either.

I could use some company. But I am working on standing up to those who have hurt me in the past, and so far I'm getting positive results.

Fuck yeah.

I got a second job! I'm sure that I probably whined about my ongoing quest to not be unemployed during the Christmas holidays and thankfully, I was successful. I'll be working as a bookseller at the Schuler books in Okemos. I'm very excited. I love the written word, and it'll be nice to meet some new people who share that same passion.

As far as my own written words go lately, I'm pretty frustrated. Typing on a laptop doesn't feel right, and all that I really care to write longhand is letters and poetry. I'm going to participate in National Novel Writing Month; I'm just going to do it on my terms. Those terms are: a month from whenever I get my desktop back on.

I'm really quite proud of myself as far as guitar goes. I have callouses and that gives you a sense of accomplishment. I'm a dork, but those few extra layers of skin give me a feeling of being kind of special and in a class of my own. Even if its not true yet, I feel good.

I'm still dealing with all of the usual crap. I haven't had too many anxiety attacks lately, but they are still happening and depression is also along for the ride. I'm seeing a doctor every few weeks and its improving with talking to her, but as yet I don't think we've reached too far into things. I am realizing that there are people in my life I might have to cut out, and that really fucking sucks. These friends are important to me, and the idea of not ever talking to them again is well, depressing.

Dinosaurs. There, a good thought before I hop into bed.

Sweet dreams.

So I think that someone out there should take pity on me and buy me a ticket to Walking with Dinosaurs live at the Cobo Arena. Anyone who knows even a little bit about me knows how much I love Dinosaurs and the oppurtunity to see life size robots that react to the audience is like once in a lifetime. I wish. If you haven't heard of it, go here and watch the videos.

I seem to cuddle with a lot of ladies who are into girls. Weird.

What do you see when you turn out the light?

So I'm doing alright I guess. I woke up today and was somewhat depressed but the fact that I got to see my friend Amanda for the first time in a while made up for it. She took me out for dinner with her and her friend. It was nice just sitting down and talking and not worrying for a while. Everyone keeps their demons in their back pocket, but sometimes you can crush them, ignore them. If you don't listen to them, they really have no control over you at all.

I'm still looking for a second job and internship, as well as sending my poetry out into the world and receiving rejection slips for my trouble. Such is life though you know? I'm enjoying doing it.

Leave some love, or job suggestions, if you know anyone who needs a writer.

So, movie critics are dumb.

This is coming on the tail end of me seeing Across the Universe today, and being absolutely blown away. The reviews have been almost universally poor and I can't understand why that is. It was a fantastic movie. I won't go into too much detail here because I really don't want to spoil it for anyone who has yet to see it, but there are very few instances where the songs feel forced. And theres 33 songs. I'd have to say my favorites are split between 'Hey Jude' and 'Come Together'. Wait I really liked 'With a Little Help From My Friends'. And shit...'All you need is love'... and there was...OK so suffice to say I loved the whole movie. I can't think of a song I didn't like.

The acting was top notch. The singing the same. The story and set pieces, right up there. So go see it already.

Nothing much else new to report. I'm gonna go have a drink. Leave some love.

I am currently making a delicious omelette. (edit: said omelette has been turned into scrambled eggs because I had the heat up too high.) I woke up a few hours ago and am again coming to the inevitable conclusion that I need new friends. No one returns phone calls and the very idea of hanging out with anyone reliably has become laughable to me. I don't know, all I can say is that I'm glad I'll be graduating soon and moving on with my life.

Having ex's get married is strange. It's happening to me again and again. It's like I'm a real life good luck chuck, only without the sex.

I'm going to go eat my murderfood.

I might post again later.

So I think I dislike about 85 percent of my fellow students in the creative writing program here at MSU.

That seems harsh I know, so I'll explain. Its like a club that you're not allowed into unless you were there from the beginning. Add that to the fact that a good portion of writers I've met thus far are arrogant and self-absorbed, and you've got a recipe for me not thinking very highly of you.

I say some stupid things in class, yes. I may ask a dumb question. But I can back up my convictions and I have more than them.

And I will endure. I will continue past this moment, even if the world condenses into a singularity at this. precise. moment. I am not a nobody and I am secure in that fact.

This wasn't the first time we forgot to keep in touch, or even the second. I found myself locked out on the porch again, your personal answer to what the futures gonna be. And I'm not sure I'm going to like it, tied to the underside of your balloon as it rises, integral ingredient in passing the test. He wanted to see you'd left me behind, and what better way than this?

Don't cook dinner. I'm still stuck out here, and I know you have leftovers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if that'd be considered a prose poem or what, but I kind of like it. My writing has been dying down lately, as I feel that my medication affects my creativity. I hope that soon I'll be able to work out the clash between the two.
I'm still trying to find an internship that involves writing for something. I hope that'll work out for me, because I couldn't be more excited by the prospect.
I have to go take a shower now, and then head to work. Leave something here.

Does anyone have any internship or resume advice?