i wathced Some like it hot lastnight, i just couldnt help but notice Marilyn Monroes big bouncing breasts, what joy.

a little while ago i joine the pen pals group, now christmas is over i think its time to get writing to people and hope to get replies, i havent had any letters yet

ive decided that this year i want to try to do the following
be happier
write my story
increase my collections (of which i have many different ones)
pay off my debts
make Alice happier
try for a baby with Alice
make more friends if i can

my thoughts are with my lovely Alice who is having a tough time at the moment, i just hope she will be ok soon


thats all i can think of saying for now, wow my blogs are really boring, i never have much to say do i

ok so the new year has now started

i just have to say that i am soooooooo looking forward to iron Maiden at Twickenham in July

now a little message to xkillerx

Happy new year to everyone

to my Alice i hope the next year brings us happiness

i wish to again thank you all for your kind comments, i was very touched by the comments, particularly from those of you who are new friends to me, it meant a lot.

i want to thank you all for your kind words and understanding, it means a lot to me to read what you all left for me.

As you know christmas day Alice and I released a balloon in memory of our loss, we drove to the North York Moors and let go of a balloon for us and one on behalf of my parents, it was very difficult for me to do and if i'm honest i did not want to let go. i've found this christmas very difficult and hate the feelings i am going through, i dont know how to help Alice and get her through this time, she is very very low and very quiet, i wish i knew how to take care of her.

i know that there are some people in this world that will say our child wasnt really a child as Alice was about 9 weeks pregnant, but i say bollocks, it was our child that we lost and will never know what may have come of her in the years ahead.




rest in peace my little girl, i think about you always

as christmas approaches things get harder as the days go by, those of you who know me will know that last christmas day Alice had a miscarriage, it totaly broke my heart and was the hardest things i have ever had to go through
this christmas day we are going to drive to the yorkshire moors and release a balloon in memory of our loss, we should have a little child to look after right now but we dont, i cant believe what a fucking cruel hand we were dealt last year, it all started at about half past 10 in the evening of christmas day, thats when our world came crashing down around us.


i'm sorry for those of you on here who dont like reading this but i had to put it in writing I dont talk about what happened to anyone really, i guess i bottle it up inside me, its not that i have forgotten or dont think about it at all cos believe me i think of our loss on a daily basis. we bought a cuddly toy as a kind of memorial, it sits in our lounge, i often look at it and think of the baby, we believed it was a girl and named her Alex Rai.

anyway this is too upsetting for me to carry on so i will go

rest in peace Alex Rai

ok so ive not written a proper blog for a while now, i know im a lazy git
anyway i thought it was time i try to write something, i have recently joined the pen pal group and i am looking forward to writing to new people and hopefuly making new friends

a couple of weeks ago i bought tickets to go and see Iron Maidenat Twickenham stadium in June next year, i have seen them 3 times before and i am really looking forward to this tour, they are only going to be doing one show in England and will be re doing their stage show from the world slavery tour.

work seems to be going well and i think i am fitting in and doing ok with things

every now and then i get the urge to get stuck in to my hobbies and now is one of them, i have shit loads of photographs of derelict buildings to sort out and put in to albums, i want more though and i am running out of buildings to photograph, i have been neglecting my hobbies for far too long and think i need to get motivated and get off my arse and start doing things again. i have a story that i havent added anything to for far too long and want to write more to it and finish it.

cant think of anything else to write so now i need to have a cup of tea and sit on the couch.

Bye for now everyone

i never seem to know what to write here these days, guess that makes me a boring git hey

but anyway hello to one and all

just wanted to say hello to everyone

ive not been here for a while cos our laptop decided to give up the ghost and not work for us at all, we now have a new computer and are back online at last

it seems my brother got married at the start of this month, i didnt go because he was having his wedding in some posh place and had told me if i was to go i would need to remove all my piercings and have a sensible hair style, he said he would feel uncomfortable because of my facial piercings.

i now work with Alice for her dad, i tihnk i am beginning to settle in ok

anyway bye for now

i have 2 older brothers, i dont speak to either of them and one of them i have not spoken to for quite a few years, any how he rang me up the other day to tell me he is getting married in November, this i already knew thanks to my mother, i didnt expect an invite as the reception is being held in the 3rd top hotel in england. its up to him and his other half where they go but in my opinion he is punching above his weight, the only person in our family who can afford to stay there is my eldest brother and he is paying for himself and his wife and kids and alos paying for our parents to stay there over night.

any way my brother told me he is getting married and said a bit about how the hotel is fucking posh, he then went on to say that he would like to invite me and my partner, he didnt even fucking bother to say her name which he would have been told by our mother, however in order for us to attend he said he would have to insist that we both remove any facial and ear jewelery we have and make sure our hair styles are sensible (he still presumes i have a mohican) he said he wouldnt want to be made to feel uncomfortable which he said he would if i were to be wearing my facial jewelery. i tried to explain that i thought my ears would look better with things in them than to have 10mm holes with nothing in, i cannot believe he was so fucking nasty to ask this as in my mind he is saying he is ashsmed of me and asking me to be something i am not, so i had to say we would not be going, the guy really has fucked me off intensely.

any how i am sorry to every one on here who is on my friends list, i am truly a fucking shit friend and should be taken off all your friends lists, i havent written comments for all of you in such a long time and i dont leave any interesting blogs for you to reply to so for that i am saying sorry and i am on my knees begging for forgiveness (ouch it hurts)