I haven't written on here in a couple months. Life has gotten hectic, in a good way mind you.
I finally have the opportunity to live what has been my dream for around 10 years now.
Music has been my drive and my passion, and I always had the goal of being in a touring band. And after years of being part of struggling bands that never quite made it anywhere, I finally got an opportunity for something different. I was encouraged by a friend to try out for the band he had recently become a part of, and after being pushed by the friends who care about me and support me, I stepped outside of my comfort zone and threw caution to the wind.
And the pay off; in just under 2 months I will be on tour... In Europe! I will be fully immersed in living my dream.
It scares me a little. But it's my dream and its time I start taking risks and living life while I still have the chance.
Opportunity rarely knocks twice, I'm glad I was there to embrace it, and I'm thankful for the people who encouraged me to take a chance.
Holy. Fucking. Shit!
I finally have the opportunity to live what has been my dream for around 10 years now.
Music has been my drive and my passion, and I always had the goal of being in a touring band. And after years of being part of struggling bands that never quite made it anywhere, I finally got an opportunity for something different. I was encouraged by a friend to try out for the band he had recently become a part of, and after being pushed by the friends who care about me and support me, I stepped outside of my comfort zone and threw caution to the wind.
And the pay off; in just under 2 months I will be on tour... In Europe! I will be fully immersed in living my dream.
It scares me a little. But it's my dream and its time I start taking risks and living life while I still have the chance.
Opportunity rarely knocks twice, I'm glad I was there to embrace it, and I'm thankful for the people who encouraged me to take a chance.
Holy. Fucking. Shit!
Over the last few years (more than any others in my life; that I can remember) I have been forced into more situations that I'm not ready for, than ever before. I am constantly forced to adapt. I am growing very tired of this trend in my life.
But I suppose that's part of life.
So be it.
I'll keep adapting when faxed with those uncomfortable situations.
But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Hahaha
But I suppose that's part of life.
So be it.
I'll keep adapting when faxed with those uncomfortable situations.
But that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Hahaha
So with 2012 coming to a close I'm left to reflect (as if I don't do that enough) on the past year. Though this was not the worst year of my life, it wasn't the best either, but life is struggle and that's what makes us strong, right? I'll go with that, it sounds good.
Over the last year I have really gotten myself on my feet and solidified myself as a somewhat responsible adult; and at 26 years old, it's about fucking time.
Wow 26. And 27 is only about 2 and half months away. I'm that much closer to 30. That's not a very long time on this earth when you consider people live well in the their 80s, and beyond, these days. But it feels like its been such a long journey. I've been through so much in that 'short' period of time. I've learned so much about people and life, about trust and betrayal, about violence but so little about peace, about forgiveness but still can't grasp the concept of forgetting. I've let go of many grudges, apologized for handling situations, that at the time I handled as I felt it was necessary, but later decided that though I wasn't sorry at the time I have moved beyond it and was sorry after the fact. But that is growth, right?
I am a constant work in progress, and as long as I continue to move forward, I hope I can continue to grow and improve.
I won't make resolutions about the new year approaching, so many years I have, and we all do. And no longer will I make promises that I can't keep. So I will take it one day at a time, and try my best to do my best, to be my best for myself and those that I love. I will try to reach my goals and my dreams. I will try my best and that's all I can do. That's not a resolution, that's not a promise to anyone but myself. That's just life. That's just my life. No matter what.
Bring on 2013, I'm ready for a new fight, a new struggle, a new challenge, new growth. I will always be stronger because of the trials I have been through and will continue to go through.
I am ready to learn something new about life. My life. Let's fucking do this...
Over the last year I have really gotten myself on my feet and solidified myself as a somewhat responsible adult; and at 26 years old, it's about fucking time.
Wow 26. And 27 is only about 2 and half months away. I'm that much closer to 30. That's not a very long time on this earth when you consider people live well in the their 80s, and beyond, these days. But it feels like its been such a long journey. I've been through so much in that 'short' period of time. I've learned so much about people and life, about trust and betrayal, about violence but so little about peace, about forgiveness but still can't grasp the concept of forgetting. I've let go of many grudges, apologized for handling situations, that at the time I handled as I felt it was necessary, but later decided that though I wasn't sorry at the time I have moved beyond it and was sorry after the fact. But that is growth, right?
I am a constant work in progress, and as long as I continue to move forward, I hope I can continue to grow and improve.
I won't make resolutions about the new year approaching, so many years I have, and we all do. And no longer will I make promises that I can't keep. So I will take it one day at a time, and try my best to do my best, to be my best for myself and those that I love. I will try to reach my goals and my dreams. I will try my best and that's all I can do. That's not a resolution, that's not a promise to anyone but myself. That's just life. That's just my life. No matter what.
Bring on 2013, I'm ready for a new fight, a new struggle, a new challenge, new growth. I will always be stronger because of the trials I have been through and will continue to go through.
I am ready to learn something new about life. My life. Let's fucking do this...
I'm not very old, only having spent 26 years in this body, but feel that I have learned a great deal about life, especially in the last few years. And I know I have a long way to go and a lot more to learn, yet I still feel wise beyond my years.
But I still yearn for more. I want so much more out of this life. I want to take everything I can from this world. I want to experience so much more, while still staying true to myself.
I have a firm grasp on who I am. I have developed a very strong personality. And no matter how unstable the ground seems to become at times, I still stand strong.
I feel like the job I work is such a waste of my potential, but it allows me the means and freedom to chase some of my dreams and goals.
I just wish I could travel more. There is still so much I have yet to see. I miss Europe, I would absolutely love to go back sometime soon. The way things are looking with my band there is the possibility of going to Canada next year, or even possibly Indonesia. Such a random place, but such a great opportunity, I hope it pans out.
Sorry for how unorganized my thoughts are, I just let it flow out, and this is the product.
Life is too short for complacency.
Life is too short to stand by idly.
Life is too short, take everything you can from every experience.
But I still yearn for more. I want so much more out of this life. I want to take everything I can from this world. I want to experience so much more, while still staying true to myself.
I have a firm grasp on who I am. I have developed a very strong personality. And no matter how unstable the ground seems to become at times, I still stand strong.
I feel like the job I work is such a waste of my potential, but it allows me the means and freedom to chase some of my dreams and goals.
I just wish I could travel more. There is still so much I have yet to see. I miss Europe, I would absolutely love to go back sometime soon. The way things are looking with my band there is the possibility of going to Canada next year, or even possibly Indonesia. Such a random place, but such a great opportunity, I hope it pans out.
Sorry for how unorganized my thoughts are, I just let it flow out, and this is the product.
Life is too short for complacency.
Life is too short to stand by idly.
Life is too short, take everything you can from every experience.
It's funny how it seems that life never quite works out the way you expect it to. At least thats how I feel about it. It seems that no matter where I am, no matter how good or bad things are; things just never go quite where I anticipate. And I mean in some cases it works out for the better, but not always. If you asked me 10 years ago where I saw myself right now; what I would describe to you would be very far off from what my life has amounted to this far. Shit, if you asked me a year ago it wouldn't be anything like it is.
This are constantly changing. Everything is constantly changing. 2 previous times in my life I was with someone that I thought I was going to marry. The first time was a very unhealthy destructive relationship that went on for far too long and that I still carry far too many scars from. The other is a more interesting story, I felt far more strongly about how that one was going to end up, but that fell apart too (because of the person the fore mentioned relationship turned me into, but that is a story for another time) and for the longest time I tried to fix the situation and nothing would change my mind that she was the girl I was going to marry. But these days when I see her she actually kinda annoys me, hahaha. Part of me still loves her, a big part, but it's different, and it's still a little weird to me not being with her, but it's different, and that's just life, changing in a way I would never have foreseen.
And here I am in a relationship I never saw coming, with someone I never would have guessed I would end up with. And that aside the story thus far for her and I has had it's share of twists and turns that I never would have expected (some good, some bad, one very bad...), but that's life; and that's my point. You live and you learn. And you gotta roll with the punches, and adapt to the ever changing situations.
I've found that life is a lot easier if you stop trying to anticipate everything and just accept the fact that you have no control. Just sit back and TRY to enjoy the ride (when you can) wherever it takes you...
This are constantly changing. Everything is constantly changing. 2 previous times in my life I was with someone that I thought I was going to marry. The first time was a very unhealthy destructive relationship that went on for far too long and that I still carry far too many scars from. The other is a more interesting story, I felt far more strongly about how that one was going to end up, but that fell apart too (because of the person the fore mentioned relationship turned me into, but that is a story for another time) and for the longest time I tried to fix the situation and nothing would change my mind that she was the girl I was going to marry. But these days when I see her she actually kinda annoys me, hahaha. Part of me still loves her, a big part, but it's different, and it's still a little weird to me not being with her, but it's different, and that's just life, changing in a way I would never have foreseen.
And here I am in a relationship I never saw coming, with someone I never would have guessed I would end up with. And that aside the story thus far for her and I has had it's share of twists and turns that I never would have expected (some good, some bad, one very bad...), but that's life; and that's my point. You live and you learn. And you gotta roll with the punches, and adapt to the ever changing situations.
I've found that life is a lot easier if you stop trying to anticipate everything and just accept the fact that you have no control. Just sit back and TRY to enjoy the ride (when you can) wherever it takes you...
I've never been the most trusting individual. And a lot of expereience in life have made me even less trusting than I am by nature. Between shitty friendships and shitty relationships, I have become exceedingly paranoid and developed some weird habits to "test" (for lack of a better word) people and they are more subconscious than anything else. The most common is to let people tell me stories they have already told me and se of there are discrepancies from the last time they told me the story, and then if there are my mind spins into paranoid delusions, well depending the individual. I also became a bit of a snoop, and always seem to find issues, whiter they are really issues or things that I just end up making up in my own mind varies from situation to situation. With one of my EXs it generally was a real issue and stayed far too long with far too many of these and it has turned me into the person I am now. Over the last couple years I adopted a saying and way of thinking to help battle this "you will always find issues, if you look for them" it's what I would tell myself to calm myself and not snoop. Cause if there are no issues on the surface, if there are no problems, why go looking for them? But sometimes I falter, and end up finding something, and I want to avoid addressing it, but the seed is planted and flowers on its own. And that's where I'm at now. And I want to handle the situation and clear the air, but if its more than me being paranoid, it may be too much. But if I don't address it, it will eat away at me until I snap. I hate this. I am a flawed work in progress. I want to get past my own poor habits. But until then, this is what I have to deal with. Such is life I suppose. Live and learn, and always strive to be better...
So, I've been on this site for just about 7 years now (on and off) and I've never written any blog entries. I figure it's about time I take a few minutes to do so. I don't know I anyone is actually gonna read it, I don't know if anyone cares enough to, but I might as well, if for no better reason than simply lack of better things to do.
Well, maybe I do have better things to do, I am at work, but it's slow and I don't particularly like my job, but then again, who does? It's just a means to an end. I work a shitty job, because its what I can get in this job market with my skills, or lack there of, and at the end of the day it keeps a room over my head, keeps me fed, and gives just that little bit extra to do or acquire things to make me "happy" or "content."
I'm simple though, I don't desire lavish things, certain things would nice, but are unnecissary. I just want to be able to keep playing music, and keep going to shows. Music truly drives me each and everyday. I'm constantly thinking about what I want to do next musically, looking for new inspiration. That's always the ends I'm looking to meet. And if spending 8+ hours a day at a shitty job where I'm under paid and under appreciated is the means to that end, then that's what I'll do. I'll find comfort and solace on the walk/bus ride with my head phones in, listening the anthems that spur me on day to day.
I hope and strive to one day find a job, or dare I hope for a career, that I will enjoy and that will be a better means to the same ends. Or maybe even the means and end being one in the same? Even if only for a short while...
This is my life:
~pardon any spelling errors or poor grammar, I try to be thorough and well 'spoken' but I typed this on my phone, so there may have been a bit I missed/over looked
Well, maybe I do have better things to do, I am at work, but it's slow and I don't particularly like my job, but then again, who does? It's just a means to an end. I work a shitty job, because its what I can get in this job market with my skills, or lack there of, and at the end of the day it keeps a room over my head, keeps me fed, and gives just that little bit extra to do or acquire things to make me "happy" or "content."
I'm simple though, I don't desire lavish things, certain things would nice, but are unnecissary. I just want to be able to keep playing music, and keep going to shows. Music truly drives me each and everyday. I'm constantly thinking about what I want to do next musically, looking for new inspiration. That's always the ends I'm looking to meet. And if spending 8+ hours a day at a shitty job where I'm under paid and under appreciated is the means to that end, then that's what I'll do. I'll find comfort and solace on the walk/bus ride with my head phones in, listening the anthems that spur me on day to day.
I hope and strive to one day find a job, or dare I hope for a career, that I will enjoy and that will be a better means to the same ends. Or maybe even the means and end being one in the same? Even if only for a short while...
This is my life:
~pardon any spelling errors or poor grammar, I try to be thorough and well 'spoken' but I typed this on my phone, so there may have been a bit I missed/over looked
