The fact I haven't wrote on here since 2005 amazes me in itself. And I am totally sorry for any crazies who's even attempted to read my blogs.

I am madly in love. And it sucks in a major way. The situation with the man of my dreams is less than acceptable but we're being patient and taking things one day at a time. Hopefully that we'll see each other soon cause an ocean between us sucks just as much.

I've found some pretty bad ass friends. Some more amazing than others. And I've rekindled some killer relationships with a few that I shouldn't of lost to begin with. So life isn't all to bad. And the best thing of all is...


Me and My son are doing great!!!


Tox!

Iight a new damn picture ya'all bettah be fkn happy n shit cause I hate posting my damn pictures but I got new specs n I'm happy n shit!


peace love and a whole lotta sex! haha

toxica

Ok here I sit the last time I wrote was when me and my girlfriend broke up. Well now here's an update on it all... She's is now with my best friend of 3 yrs. They both lied to me over and over, they would say they were in love with me and at one point they hated each other cause of an ex. But now him and her are together. Sicking isn't it? If they wanted to date they could of just said something instead of me finding out on my own by VIEWIN it personally.

Here's the wonderful part of my update. My ex boyfriend is back. He and I have been on again off again for a year or so. We get scared and we run. Or do other stupid things. I can't get him off my mind no matter how hard I try and it seems he is the same way. I love him to death. I just I hope and pray that this either ends wonderfully or we end it as friends cause if we keep going and keep ending on bad notes giving it a couple months then trying again over and over for the rest of our lives we are slowly killing ourselves from a broken heart.


So there ya go my life as confusing as it is... lol

Waking up cold and alone, feels like my heart has been replaced by this cold and lonely emptyness. My very first and prolly only girlfriend and I broke up.. I just haven't figure out if I am ready to turn my life upside down for someone who obviously can't wait for me to finish dealing with the things I've been dealing with for a long time before she decides to ask me if it's all or nothing between us.. why do ppl never understand just cause you don't think you are pushing ppl back into a corner.. you are.. I care about her alot love her til the ends of the earth she was my best friend... kept saying how no matter if we are together or not how our friendship would never die..

sure feels dead to me. telling me to ban her from my chat server to have a nice life..

she keeps saying how i never thought about how she felt in all of this.. i know that it was a whirl wind for her as well as for me, she's been wanting this for three years.. i decide that i truly want to try cause i do love her and there are feelings there but my family right now aren't very understanding in the whole sheena's going bisexual thing my husband is ok with it even tho he knows i'd never be down for a threesome. My family is my piority they always have been and when they won't even look me in the eyes.. that's what I gotta figure out exactly if all this is worth the possiblity of losing my parents and brother cause I love a girl. Right now I'm not ready to lose my family, I couldn't even tell Jamie that cause I didn't want her to hurt anymore than she already does. I want her to think that I copped out that I couldn't handle it... and the truth is.. I couldn't. I couldn't handle what it was doing to me inside and outside I couldn't handle the effects on my family relationship it created.. all or nothing... that's pretty much the choice i had between her and my family.. either i had her or i had them and I choose them..

Yeah I know, I hardly ever write in this thing.. I always get into my pen and paper but Imma try to start writting in here posting my poetry n shit, I'd love for ya'all to comment on them too please... I love feedback


She walks amonug us...

She lies there limp
Her limp broken remains
Laying on the floor
She stares upward
Into a downward spiral
Counting the non existing dots above
Pure innocence forming
Forming puddles in the corner
Of her beautiful evergreen eyes
The scent of his drunken presence
Slowly seeps into her button nose
She feels his hand gripping over her soft lips
Every second of her innocence’s
Stolen as she embeds deep in her beautiful soul
As he explodes his hatred unwanted passion
Deep inside of her
She gasps for air, screaming out
In her newly untrusting mind
Please be a dream,
Please let me wake up and be abandoned
Just as he finished leaving her tortured body
Left broken and weak
He looks down at her smiling softly
As if he is now welcoming her
Welcoming her into her new born life
The life she never asked for
She walks among us
A tortured soul
By the grace of god
Given the strength to stand
Stand before you today
No longer innocent,
Without her permission it was removed
No more trust in her heart
Yet you see her as a victim
But aren't you one as well?
Only get to see her through a hole
A tiny peep hole she made
Through her nine million walls
She waits for you
For her hero
Her one true love
To remove the walls one by one
Grace her presences and touch her
Touch her body without any walls between
When she can be no longer
No longer the victim that you see

Update: Lesse.... My friends online are asses half of them lie to me then the other half try to get me to start to trust the lying ones within seconds of them lying to my face.. HAHAHHAHA life goes on then you die... just hopefully I can have another toxic dream before I die =)

Toxie