ok guys, its over and out for me on here im afraid.

we are trying to cut back on bills so we are getting rid of our landline and the internet, and ive just got an iphone on contract so we can use that for calls and checking facebook and email etc.

we will be saving around £30 a month but probably more because i have loads of free mins and texts a month.

alas, its a bit hard to view sg on the iphone, and besides...might as well just cut back on that too so its a little extra saving.

i shall miss all of you that arent on facebook, but im sure one day i will be back when things arent so tight.

nice knowing you all
xxx

seems im crap on here these days.

dont know if thats because i prefer the swift and easiness of facebook...where i am limited to how much i open up because of family members being on there, or if its that i am avoiding talking about my feelings....well....not avoiding...thats the wrong word, im not hiding or anything, i think its more that i just cant be arsed.

and all the good stuff i can put on face book.

so ....i dont know....maybe ill give this place up.

there are a few people in my life who i have met through this site, and they are on facebook anyways.

i shall see....perhaps the odd update from me will appear....perhaps not.

every night since michael died...ive dreamt about him.

i kinda want it to stop because i wake up miserable because of it.


yesterday was a day of pretty much none stop crying....it was so hard to say goodbye to someone who has always been there, and always had a special meaning to me.

i find it hard to understand why people focus so much on the speculation, and ignore the hard facts.

he wasnt proven innocent just because there was no evidence...he was proven innocent because there was no evidence AND the acusers were proven to be liers, frauds, and pros at false allegations. not the mention the fact that almost none of their testimony added up when being cross examined.

he made some mistakes....havnt we all? fucking hell if i was subjected to the crap that he has been purely because of a few mistakes....i would have killed myself a long time ago. and the truth of the matter is...i have probably made worse mistakes in my life than he did.

he is guilty of loving life, people and wanting to make people happier

nothing more

thanks guys....i do feel a bit better....although im still welling up when i hear him......its just so strange when someone has been such a massive part of your life for so long. i always used to say out of all the people in the world...he would be the one i would want to hug to most. i just imagine he would be a good hugger...and that he needed it the most.

other news...i saw take that last night....and i have to say........wow!

i defy anyone of any musical taste to go and see that show and not walk away smiling and happy, and impressed.

it was amazing!!!!

what can i say?.......im so saddened. i cant stop crying.

i loved him from the start...and i never stopped..no matter what they said.

some of my earliest memories involve his music as a backdrop.


a life without him seems surreal to me

whoa....im getting shit at updating here....im on facebook more these days.

i think its just cos im always much more honest on here about how im feeling etc....things that are happening with my mum etc...but lately i just kinda dont want to talk about it if you know what i mean.

on the whole though...its ok....brian finally has a job interview! its only taken nearly a year!!!

my little man has changed so much i just cant believe it...he has a real personality, and he is such an amazing little boy.
hes 9 months now....9 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not long till his first birthday!

brians mum is coming up from norfolk for a few days. shes gonna look after louis while we go to the take that show.


thats all really....im crap at this

ive been in a bad place for a couple of days...well...weeks really.

im still kind of there but im trying to get out.


other than that, i actually cant believe how quickly louis is changing....he doesnt seem so baby like anymore...hes got more toddler like.

its really kinda shocked me. he totally has likes and dislikes, favourite toys, least favourite noises, etc.

hes a real little person now.

it makes me broody for another little teeny tiny baby! lol....but im not gonna go there fora while....i just know im not mentally ready. not to mention we have no money.

its the take that concert coming up soon....and im so exited....it really sounds like its gonna be one hell of a show.

theres gonna be huge elephants(not real ones) and hot air balloons...clowns, and circus performers!!! and not to mention......my 4 favourite boys.....( other than louis and brian obviously)

is thankfull for the comments....i think we will be ok.....its just super hard at the mo.....nothing seems to be going right, and we both are stressed out.

ive been crap with the workouts lately....i just have lost all motivation

im struggling to keep hold of our relationship......the stress of everything right now is killing us