until then. I love you guys. The ones that have really been there for me since I joined this site... Annisa and Crimsonpetals and all the others that have fallen to account experation dates.
I love you guys. seriously, you helped me through some rocky shit over the past 6 years.
a lot of rocky shit.
as for what is in store for me in the future. I don't know. Maybe I'll return under the name of wenis, maybe not... time will tell I suppose.
This site has upset me a great deal, in it's choices and in it's content, but the people. The people that I have met and loved is something I could never forget, they are what kept me in making those 50 dollar payments every year. just to talk to you guys and share it all. I've never been afraid here, to share really important stuff. No judgments or hate. Just understanding and peace.
That's what I really hope you can keep on doing if you stick around. Continue to share that amount of love with everyone because that is honestly all that matters in life. Fuck money, careers, and petty things. You should focus on what you love and completely involve yourself in it.
Sometimes it wont work out and it'll hurt (more so than others, that's a lesson I'm learning now), but when it feels amazing, when it feels so fucking right that it hurts in the best way possible, don't ever give that up.
Don't ever give up your search for true happiness.
It's out there. Either find it or let it find you.
Love,
louie.
but that's ok.
I love em all the same. If not.... you know how to get in touch.
when I have a home. It'll be different. I'll invite everyone. No sadness or drama or whatever involved. Just be merry and have fun.
one of my favorite exchanges
Gil: Hi Mr. Hemingway.
Ernest Hemingway: The assignment was to take the hill. There were four of us, five if you counted Vicente, but he had lost his hand when a grenade went off and couldn't fight as could when I first met him. And he was young and brave, and the hill was soggy from days of rain. And it sloped down toward a road and there were many German soldiers on the road. And the idea was to aim for the first group, and if our aim was true we could delay them.
Gil: Were you scared?
Ernest Hemingway: Of what?
Gil: Of getting killed.
Ernest Hemingway: You'll never write well if you fear dying. Do you?
Gil: Yeah, I do. I'd say probably, might be my greatest fear actually.
Ernest Hemingway: It's something all men before you have done, all men will do.
Gil: I know, I know.
Ernest Hemingway: Have you ever made love to a truly great woman?
Gil: Actually, my fiancé is pretty sexy.
Ernest Hemingway: And when you make love to her you feel true and beautiful passion. And you for at least that moment lose your fear of death.
Gil: No, that doesn't happen.
Ernest Hemingway: I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving, or not loving well, which is the same thing. And when the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face like some rhino hunters I know, or Belmonte, who's truly brave. It is because they love with sufficient passion to push death out of their minds, until the return that it does to all men. And then you must make really good love again. Think about it.
I've been on some major depressive moods. It's not just one thing either, more like a culmination of a lot of things not going right and things going terribly wrong. Because of that I've become a hermit, just working on my portfolio, catching up on a lot of movies, music and tv shows.
Smoking a lot of weed helps though. I've also been running a whole lot more. This has really helped with my attitude, instead of laying in bed all day and dragging myself in front of my PC for some work I usually can't wait to get back outside and start running. Doing pretty well too. Although I've started to develop this heat/dehydration rash after my runs. It started off little, but then grew and grew. Now I take anti-histamines after my run, but it generally knocks me out for a couple hours, which is a bummer. Sucks too because if I run for too long my throat literally starts to shut close and I can barely breathe. It's fucking scary, last time I felt like I was going to die, but fortunately the drugs kicked in and I kept my inhaler nearby. Might have to see a doc about that.
I've also started to build my Vinyl collection up. You can peep it here. I told my landlord about it and he was kind enough to let me pilfer through the giant collection he has in the garage. There's like 400 odd something records down there I need to go through, but I've already pulled out Abbey Road, Santana's Greatest Hits, a Kink's promo record and some Tower of Power. Need to set some time aside to really tear through em and see what's worth keeping.
Received these bad boys earlier today:
That's...
Glass Candy "Warm in the Winter" single
St. Vincent "Strange Mercy" limited edition white vinyl
Washed Out "Life of Leisure" limited to 200 pressing purple vinyl (1st pressing)
I'm the envy of all the Chillwave boys and girls. I even have a copy of the Feel It All Around single w/ the Toro Y Moi remix. That one is uber rare and set me back a lot of cash, but it was fucking worth it.
Dating scene fucking sucks. Okcupid does well enough, but I dunno, maybe I just don't really appeal to a lot of people. A friend of mine told me I'm the most easiest "difficult" person to get along with. I trust her opinion, so I guess that's that. My fucking ex won't leave me the fuck alone though. Gunna have to change my number because it's fucking bad, it's been 2 and a half fucking years. Get the fuck over it.
I've become a pirate mastermind recently.
I don't trust my own creative mind anymore. This has caused a lot of problems with my work.
I feel like doing something reckless everyday. This could be a good or bad thing. Haven't decided yet.
Generally feeling like the world needs to swallow me up already.
I also need to change that user pic of mine. Fucking hate it. edit: changed it.
Some cool news from today. My teacher used a paper of mine to teach his lesson plan today. It wasn't a "this is how you should write your papers from now on" type of deal, but more like "the ideas and writing here are really interesting and you should all be aware of it". I had to hide my ego a bit, but I'm not gunna lie it felt damn good. I really like my teacher and he's a great writer himself with some great ideas, so to get that kind of feedback and to have my writing be used as a teaching tool was fucking rad for me and gave my confidence level a kick in the pants.
Tomorrow is Valentines Day (or is that today? yeah, it's 3am, it's today)... I don't have anyone in my life currently and most likely won't for awhile. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm just being realistic. Maybe I'm more fucked up than I realize, I dunno. Anyways though, made this playlist of tracks that you and your loved one (or not, maybe you're just as alone as me) can sit down and enjoy. Remind yourself that love does exist and can happen. It may not be now, may not be tomorrow, but it's out there.
Just need to find it or let it find you.
Valentines Day Mixtape (sorry for the tagging, but you can pop these in itunes and it'll correct itself or just play it in VLC/Foobar/your own poison).
peace kids, I'll see you around. Be safe and don't do anything too crazy. Do something nice.
