Fickleness will be the death of me.

Gosh, I'm slacking on posts again! I guess I should get my ass in gear and put my membership to good use huh?

Well the only reason I haven't been posting much is because I mainly post on my my MySpace account. [You should all add me by the way if you have an account ] The majority of my friends are on MySpace so I suppose I focus most of my attention there. Then again, there are people here on SG who feel that MySpace is the devil and avoid it like the plague. So I'm kinda screwed either way aren't I?

Nah, I'll just start posting whatever I post there to here or vice versa. I'm too lazy to make two different posts, especially when my life is as dull as it is. I'm so lazy, in fact, I still haven't shot my first set! I'm still trying to find the perfect location and props, along with working on a few personal goals of my own.

One of my ideas in doing SG was to kind of show off my transformation from being practically body modless to becoming that pierced and tattooed chick that everyone loves so much in a typical Suicide Girl. I keep reading over the email I received from SG a long time ago when I applied - just to make sure it actually said I was accepted. I just never thought I would be because of my lack of tattoos and piercings, but hey, I'm not complaining!

Admittedly, I thought I would have to abandon my dream because most places around here refuse to hire anyone with visible piercings or tattoos. And since getting a job was kind of a priority, I put all that behind me. But now....Randy informed me he doesn't want me working. It'll be a little tough financially until he gets this other job he's trying to get, but it'll be fine. I'm just looking forward to getting all that stuff I said I wanted to get done! That was my major set back - no money to do anything that I wanted. I'm looking forward to it now though!

Holy hell I have the excellent ability to ramble on about nonsense shit like there's no tomorrow.

Wow, long time no talk huh?

Good reason for that though, nothing new and exciting has been happening. I've been living my failed existence in a virtual world, the only place I can feel like a 'winner'.

Anyway, the big reason for this post is that there has finally been an event in my life that might actually propel me forward for once, instead of backwards. (Or at least I hope so!) And while small in some respects, it's a huge step forward for Randy and I.

As some of you know, we've spent the last 4-5 years living with other people. In 2000 and 2001, Randy and I lived together on our own, but unfortunately a new nasty neighbor ruined it for us so we ended up moving out. The past 5 years have been total hell and I was at a point in my life where I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and say "I give up!" Someone hit the reset button ffs!

My job seeking ventures have even went awry. I've turned down some really awesome opportunities because of my inability to believe in myself. I have a hard time believing I'm a worthy person when the only thing I seem really good at, are those things that don't matter in the real world. (ie: video games, my grades in school, etc) And while I could kick myself in the ass repeatedly for giving up those opportunities, I have to pick up the pieces and learn from those mistakes.

That aside, the reason for my whole elation and post that probably makes no sense whatsoever: We're finally moving out to be on our own once again!

The place that we're moving into is 'different', you could say. Most people would probably look at it and think a variety of different things. It looks awfully small from the outside not to mention it's half faux stone and stucco...lol. Anyway, hopefully we'll be signing the lease on Sunday and all will be right in my world. I'll definitely have to get some pics!

I hope this is just step 1 or even 1/2 a step to getting our lives back on track. I know it'll certainly help me by having a place I can call my own again. I'm not sure when I'll be losing my internet connection, but it'll be soon no doubt.

It'll take a few days to get re-adjusted to living on my own again, not to mention all of the fun things you get to do when you move - like cleaning, moving junk all over until you get it where it needs to be, gettin cable and internet back up - and all that good stuff.

So, I'll talk to you all again soon and hopefully I'll be able to start posting more since I think I may decide to live in the real world, for once.

So yeah...I'm re-addicted to WoW hence my lack of posts. My current /played time is 1 day, 18 hours, 44 minutes and 19 seconds. I'm on level 24, almost to 25. Hopefully, by the end of this weekend I'll be 30! I've been playing more then a normal person should....I think.

I swear there is some SG glitch fucking with me to make me think I'm going crazy. I noticed comments and friends are being deleted without me actually doing it. Pictures are being added to my favorites without me actually putting them in my faves. Wtf?

Better update later. Maybe.

xo♥xo

Gah! Still jobless and hating it to hell. Doesn't seem there are any opportunities that I'm qualified to do around here either. I've seen some secreatry type positions, but I'd rather not be the 'gofer' girl who has to do EVERYTHING! Like peeling the boss's apple. Then of course get treated like I'm a 3rd class citizen from outer space. Screw that, if your to uppity to peel a damn apple or slap a staple in your papers, fuck you! When I say that, I'm speaking from experience.

I've been so tempted to apply to be a dancer at The End Zone. Something just doesn't quite sit right with me though. I mean, I guess pole dancing and SG is pretty much the same thing, but doing it in front 100+ people just seems too trashy for my tastes. Don't get me wrong, a girl's gotta do what she can to make some $$$ but if that involves shaking my thang in the faces of old dirty men, I'm not so sure I'm that desperate for a job any more. Eh, who know's. I'm just at my wits end and I'm just about ready to take anything I can get. I'm tired of not being able to go shopping and depending on my boyfriend for everything. I'm sure it stresses him out that he works like he does and ends up having to spend it all on bills instead of enjoying it. On top of that, I have a serious compulsive buying problem. I'm so lucky no one will give me a credit card, otherwise I'd be in debt upto my eyeballs by now. So does anyone know of any jobs in the State College area? Need to support my habit!

In other news, I was talking to my friend Matt on AIM last night and he told me about a local church that was for sale. I don't know if he had honest intentions of actually buying it since he lives and works a half hour from here, but my boyfriend and I have been looking to buy one to turn it into a house. It's not in too bad of shape. It only costs $37,500. Of course it will take loads of money to redo the interior, but my boyfriend and I would most likely do all of the work ourselves. I highly doubt we'll get the financing for it. Hell, neither of us could get a credit card from Dell the other week to get a new computer, but he's bound and determined to get the money somehow to buy it. It's not really the type of church I wanted to purchase but I think it'd be a good investment and 'flip' opportunity. I'd much rather have one of the old stone gothic looking churches so far we haven't found any for sale within our budget.

So here it is....will this be my new future home? Possibly. My fingers are crossed!

Pictures we took:










Inside pictures the realtor took:






With any luck, we'll get approved for a mortgage and that puppy will be ours. Unless of course Matt gets it. Speaking of luck, mine sucks. I got a letter from the workers compensation board from Buckell (the place that I was allergic to and had to quit) - well they're denying workmen's comp. I have no clue what that means or what I'm losing out on here, but Buckell is the one who sent me to Occupational Health to be looked at. I was content with just going to my doctor instead, so they damn well better pay for that doctor's vist at least. Anyway, the board said that I already had a pre-existing condition and that only became apparent when I started working there. Bullshit! I never broke out in rashes on my stomach before. I've worked in around heat and plastic before and haven't had an outbreak such as what I experienced there. I knew this would happen though. I just hope that doctor's visit will be paid for by them at least, because I have no clue where this little unemployed bunny will find the money otherwise.

Anyone have plans for the weekend? Not sure what I'll be doing. I got my whopping $225 paycheck and there's so much I want to go buy! I know I'll be going to my future in-laws for dinner since we didn't have it with them Easter weekend because they were in New Jersey. Other then that, I suppose it'll just be another boring weekend. Poop.

Amazingly enough, nothing of particular interest has happened.

I went to the park and scored a jelly bracelet that some kid lost on the playground.

I made a lame attempt at photoshopping. And I know Easter is over, but I still had to do it.




And for those of you who poke smot:

Happy



That is all...

xo♥xo

Second day of happily unemployed bliss. Alright, so it isn't all kittens and rainbows. Every paycheck-less Friday will be a painful reminder of that which I once had and could have had. In the greater scheme of things, I think I made the right decision. No more putting myself in possible harms way. Plus I can get some loose ends tied up with myself before trying the real world out again.

I'm just itching for a job that lets me wear what I want and where tattoos and piercings are considered an outward extension of your personality. Around here, I'd be lucky to get a job that lets me have pink hair let alone a tattoo. I wish I was in that "alternative" loop somehow. I'll find a job that's perfect for me. They say good things come to those who wait, and though I've been waiting some time, I think good things will be coming my way soon.

Admittedly, I think perhaps I'm falling back into my depressive state. Why I continue to post here (or elsewhere for that matter) is beginning to not make any sense. I know of a few people who read my posts, SG members and not, but sometimes it feels like I'm just typing to give my fingers some exercise.

Anyway, I'm starting to make decisions without thinking about the consequences first and I can't seem to get off this computer. Not good considering I'm trying to lose about ooohhh, 30 pounds. Yes, 30 pounds. Everyone says I don't look like I need to lose that much and well, scientifically speaking I should lose those 30 pounds though. According to many websites at my height of 5'7", I should supposedly weigh between 120 and 160 pounds. That's a huge range! I'd like be around the 130 mark since I'm a little bit higher on the spectrum there.

I always get down on myself because I see girls who are a bit shorter then I am and weigh less then I do, but look 'bigger'. I guess I am a bit more muscular then most girls since I played field hockey in high school, hence more weight, but I still want Reagan's barely there tummy!


Curvy girls do it better. My boobs so don't fit in that bra.



Wanna go a round?




Must get that tummy!




I really wish I had a steadier hand so I could take better (and more interesting) pictures with my good camera. But since all I do is shake and make the pics all blurry when taking them of myself, you'll have to settle for my crappy Clie ones.

Remember me talking about making decisions quickly? Well, I decided to give myself some bangs on a spur of the moment decison. Frankly, I think they look uber cute and I don't care if they make me look like I'm 12. You can see my crappy dye job too...still pisses me off it only lightened half a shade. This weekend, I think I'm going to try and lighten it some more and throw some pink streaks in there.





Chuuhhhhby cheeks!



Fraggle Rock - Rocked!




So yeah, still working on that whole submitting my set thing. I didn't think finding a location would be so damn difficult! Even more difficult is finding a location that goes well with the theme of the set. Looks like I may need to dig deeper and really get those creative juices flowing because I'm determined to have my first set accepted! And given my perfectionist attitude, I can't submit anything less!

Call me stupid or tell me I'm jumping the gun, but I made a MySpace account for when I officially go pink. Firstly, because in case of some freak accident someone else got the name, I'd be royally pissed. Secondly, I guess its more for documenting my SG journey of sorts since this is something I want to do so badly, even if others don't think I can do or should do it. Oh wells....Feel free to add me on there if you'd like.

xo♥xo

So I kinda unofficially quit work today. While the work there was mostly easy, I just can't take the heat (literally!). What use am I when I spend the majority of my time running to the bathroom? Or even more of a scary thought, what if I finally do pass out and end up in one of the machines. I don't think I'm ready to lose a limb or my life at 23. No thanks! Hopefully I can find a better doctor who can and will help me find out why I get sick all the time.

How was everyone's Easter? Mine was, well....kinda crap. Since I'm the only child in the family, it's sort of my obligation to make sure I spend time with everyone in the family. Of course, my grandmother cooked for my uncle and his wife and my mom decided to cook for my dad since he's weird and doesn't like to go anywhere. Luckily my in-laws went to New Jersey, otherwise I may have had to go up to their house too!

We ate at my grandmother's house first. Wasn't bad, but since I was already sick, I wasn't having an easy time of eating. Afterwards I went down to my parent's house. What a disaster!

My dad is going through a serious phase of depression, especially ever since he lost his job and found out that he most likely won't be able to work ever again due to his bad back. At his age of 52, not many places are willing to hire him, especially if he's going to be a possible liability with his back and all. He's trying to get disability, but the process is slow and pain staking. Anyway, he's on all kinda of different medication and one of them is making him extremely mean. Sometimes you can't even talk to him without him getting hostile. He wouldn't even eat Easter dinner with us. It pissed me off, in a way. It made me feel like shit, but whatever. I realize he's going through a difficult time, but he doesn't realize that my mother is too. Living on $7.70/hr isn't enough to live on! With the way my health is going, who knows how long I even have myself. You'd think he'd appreciate my being there just a little bit more. But no, I guess he doesn't. No matter, it didn't ruin my Easter, just made me a little mad.

Now for some pictures of my long weekend!


[Friday]

At the gas station. Ouch! High test gas was $3.15 now today!:




Hell, you can't even go to KFC anymore without spending a fortune. :



So we decided to travel another half hour to Altoona and go to Friendly's. Along the way, I saw this house and decided I was going to commandeer it! But the little yard rabbit decoration in the front threatened to kill me with its utter cuteness:




Having worked up a big appetite, I finally arrived at Friendly's where I destroyed my diet and had an ultimate bacon cheeseburger. Yum!:




After eating the 1500+ calorie burger and fries (total guess there) I stopped at the Logan Valley Mall to walk off some of the calories I just ingested. By the way, this is the Logan Valley Mall of Narnia.:



Total miles travelled: Approximately 70.
Total accomplishments: Not a damn thing, really.

[Saturday]

Saturday I spent a majority of my time cleaning, but afterwards I decided to go to the park with Elkka.

It was quite hot so she decided to go for a dip in the Kish Creek. Those are my legs by the way... :





Other then that, I didn't really do anything.

[Sunday]

I was a bit busy with other things, so not too many pictures. But check out this big ass chocolate bunny!:




[Monday]

Today I went to the park and flew a kite. That's right bitches, a Care Bear kite at that!:



This is the little corner of the park I was at. This is why (and about the only reason) I love central PA. Look at those rolling mountains in the background!:




Does anyone else find this mildly amusing like I do?:



And finally....a little story for you.

Momma had a baby -



and -



its head popped off!



The end!

xo♥xo

Not a whole lot of time to post anything of real significance but....

[01] I dyed my hair and I kinda hate it. I destroyed my hair to have it only turn about a half a shade lighter. Damn it!

[02] I have couple of pictures that I'll post later (maybeh).

[03] Happy Easter!!

[04] If you haven't already, go see Manko!!




xo♥xo