i already missed a day! >:/
so i'm obviously not on much of a roll here, but i was kind of busy yesterday.
it was absolutely GORGEOUS outside in lancaster pennsylvania yesterday, today not so much-drab, dreary and overcast :[, but i digress, i took a 3+hr walk around downtown and enjoyed the sites and sounds of may day, a celebration of the awesomeness of spring and sunny weather! the skyline was reflected in my emotions as i felt all bright and warm inside! that was definitely refreshing!
got home and recorded ELEVEN solo songs utilizing lyrics i had written way back in 9th grade, which was soooooo much fun and soooo sweet to finally put those beauties to use!
just vocals and guitar as of now and after listening to them a few times i think i'm going to keep them that way!
then i recorded a small 4 track EP with my two-piece experimental / punk / electro / mathcore project: Chadasaurus Rex! it's definitely the wildest things i've ever written for the wildest band i've ever been in! really really excited to post them up on the net and get feedback on these ferocious tracks, when i do, i'll post the link to them on here :]
after that i went down to the bar with my mates and had many rounds of cheap brews and DELECTABLE bar tacos! seriously, the lizard lounge has the best tacos 75 cents can buy!! and blend so well with a belly full of beer xD had a bunch of very in depth conversations with my buds and some people i met there, all in all it was a great night and day <3
well that was yesterday, today was not so pleasant :/
i woke up with the MOST HORRIFIC sore throat ever, i felt like i had just eaten a deserts worth of sand hahaha and i was obviously slightly hung over, this was all my own fault due to not keep hydrated! ugh soooo upset with myself for being so dumb x[ and from there it just got worse, i made throat coat tea to try and soothe my larynx, which felt like it was passing shards of glass :'c and after i finished i went up stairs to lay back down since it was still quite early and i was feeling awful and i immediately vomited up all that i had drank which made my throat feel even worse and congested me like no other, leading to a sneezing fit, further more hurting my throat! not a good day for my voice, could barely speak all day, but as i'm writing this i'm feeling A MILLION TIMES BETTER!!!! i did also have a pounding headache all day, but it's subsiding finally, because i don't use medication for anything, but thats besides the point haha it was all due to the hangover i'm guessing. still a little congested and scratchy, but hot tea is my best friend as of today and has been soothing me like a nice long, slow suck! xD
okay enough of the sicky wicky talk hehe i also saw my new therapist, dr. hazletine for the first time today and boy was it a great session! the man really listened to me and soaked up all the personal horrors i've wanted to vent out in actual speech for sooooo long so that was absolutely incredible! :] it's like a great big anchor has pulled out of my chest and i can finally breathe fresh air of life! :3
i plan to get into these mental and emotional pains on my next blog, as i said that's what i was going to do with this one :b but i felt like the last two days have been interesting enough that they deserved their own entry.
i also know i promised i'd get to talking about conor as well but i started organizing my room before i sat down to write this and i think it's about time to get back to it! :b
well i hope everyone out there in the beautiful world of SG is enjoying and staying true to themselves!
OHHHHH! and MESSAGE ME! i'd love to hear from you guys! <3
much love,
vii
so i'm obviously not on much of a roll here, but i was kind of busy yesterday.
it was absolutely GORGEOUS outside in lancaster pennsylvania yesterday, today not so much-drab, dreary and overcast :[, but i digress, i took a 3+hr walk around downtown and enjoyed the sites and sounds of may day, a celebration of the awesomeness of spring and sunny weather! the skyline was reflected in my emotions as i felt all bright and warm inside! that was definitely refreshing!
got home and recorded ELEVEN solo songs utilizing lyrics i had written way back in 9th grade, which was soooooo much fun and soooo sweet to finally put those beauties to use!
just vocals and guitar as of now and after listening to them a few times i think i'm going to keep them that way!then i recorded a small 4 track EP with my two-piece experimental / punk / electro / mathcore project: Chadasaurus Rex! it's definitely the wildest things i've ever written for the wildest band i've ever been in! really really excited to post them up on the net and get feedback on these ferocious tracks, when i do, i'll post the link to them on here :]
after that i went down to the bar with my mates and had many rounds of cheap brews and DELECTABLE bar tacos! seriously, the lizard lounge has the best tacos 75 cents can buy!! and blend so well with a belly full of beer xD had a bunch of very in depth conversations with my buds and some people i met there, all in all it was a great night and day <3
well that was yesterday, today was not so pleasant :/
i woke up with the MOST HORRIFIC sore throat ever, i felt like i had just eaten a deserts worth of sand hahaha and i was obviously slightly hung over, this was all my own fault due to not keep hydrated! ugh soooo upset with myself for being so dumb x[ and from there it just got worse, i made throat coat tea to try and soothe my larynx, which felt like it was passing shards of glass :'c and after i finished i went up stairs to lay back down since it was still quite early and i was feeling awful and i immediately vomited up all that i had drank which made my throat feel even worse and congested me like no other, leading to a sneezing fit, further more hurting my throat! not a good day for my voice, could barely speak all day, but as i'm writing this i'm feeling A MILLION TIMES BETTER!!!!
i did also have a pounding headache all day, but it's subsiding finally, because i don't use medication for anything, but thats besides the point haha it was all due to the hangover i'm guessing. still a little congested and scratchy, but hot tea is my best friend as of today and has been soothing me like a nice long, slow suck! xDokay enough of the sicky wicky talk hehe i also saw my new therapist, dr. hazletine for the first time today and boy was it a great session! the man really listened to me and soaked up all the personal horrors i've wanted to vent out in actual speech for sooooo long so that was absolutely incredible! :] it's like a great big anchor has pulled out of my chest and i can finally breathe fresh air of life! :3
i plan to get into these mental and emotional pains on my next blog, as i said that's what i was going to do with this one :b but i felt like the last two days have been interesting enough that they deserved their own entry.
i also know i promised i'd get to talking about conor as well but i started organizing my room before i sat down to write this and i think it's about time to get back to it! :b
well i hope everyone out there in the beautiful world of SG is enjoying and staying true to themselves!
OHHHHH! and MESSAGE ME! i'd love to hear from you guys! <3
much love,
vii
it's been forever! and it's so good to be back to my favorite place on the internet!
since i've had the time to sit down and actually write a blog for the site, not since i've been on! but i haven't been on as much i'd like to either! :/
where to begin: life has been a whirlwind of incredible events lately and i couldn't be more content with that, i love the daily hustle and bustle of knowing that i have so much to do and yet nothing to do at all! because while i'm never bored, i never have plans it seems and few responsibilities. and while this is is relieving, i'm getting tired of it. i want more challenges! more things that force me to step up, because as of late i've just been going with the flow and drifting about with the weather..
i wake up whenever i please with no set goals in mind for the day and just and it truly is great. but it's gotten me to a point where i'm fed up with all this careless indulgence. while i've been straying from sexual encounters and leaning towards more emotional connections and philosophical endeavors with the girls i'd usually fancy undressing ;]
i've also just recently kicked mary jane away from being my mistress! which is a WONDERFULLY FREEING feeling, only 4 days into this quest, but it's only getting easier which is great sign! i have barely missed her at all in fact!
and i've been slowly pushing away the booze as well, it's a great feeling to finally be content with my sober self and learning to cope with the day to day depressions and downfalls of not always having things go right or the way you hoped or intended.
i've been focusing so much more on my creative abilities which is another amazing thing! i've finally started focusing on my writing again and recently have been digging up all my old works from when i was a schoolboy, which i'm rather impressed with my salad days! i thought i was shite when i first started, but in recollection i'm quite proud of my early scribblings! and to top it, i've been pumping out new musical works like there is no tomorrow!! composing, jamming and recording new tracks almost daily and constantly practicing and honing my craft on all my instruments, and even picking up a few more!
all in all, life has been good to me as of late, at least the things i got into in this blog! :b
i plan to attempt to make at least some form of entry daily from here on, it helps me organize my thoughts and life so much and get out my inner workings to the people i actually want to listen! so even if no one reads, at least it's helping me!
tomorrow i hope to touch on one more great thing that will take up a lot of writing: my son Conor, he's 3 month s and 3 days as of today!! and i couldn't love him more!! he's become my everything and i can't wait to spend my life raising the little chip off the block haha i also will divulge into some more personal, and pressing matters that have honestly been bringing me some psychic pain and making my soul nearly numb but i'm too happy at the moment to conjure those thoughts to my head! :b
well i suppose that's all for tonight, again, so good to be back to SG! i missed all you lovely ladies and the community sooooooo very much and i'm making every effort to find the time to make my visits here more than just to enjoy the art.
i hope you all are doing as well as i am!!! :]
cheers,
vii.
since i've had the time to sit down and actually write a blog for the site, not since i've been on! but i haven't been on as much i'd like to either! :/
where to begin: life has been a whirlwind of incredible events lately and i couldn't be more content with that, i love the daily hustle and bustle of knowing that i have so much to do and yet nothing to do at all! because while i'm never bored, i never have plans it seems and few responsibilities. and while this is is relieving, i'm getting tired of it. i want more challenges! more things that force me to step up, because as of late i've just been going with the flow and drifting about with the weather..
i wake up whenever i please with no set goals in mind for the day and just and it truly is great. but it's gotten me to a point where i'm fed up with all this careless indulgence. while i've been straying from sexual encounters and leaning towards more emotional connections and philosophical endeavors with the girls i'd usually fancy undressing ;]
i've also just recently kicked mary jane away from being my mistress! which is a WONDERFULLY FREEING feeling, only 4 days into this quest, but it's only getting easier which is great sign! i have barely missed her at all in fact!
and i've been slowly pushing away the booze as well, it's a great feeling to finally be content with my sober self and learning to cope with the day to day depressions and downfalls of not always having things go right or the way you hoped or intended.
i've been focusing so much more on my creative abilities which is another amazing thing! i've finally started focusing on my writing again and recently have been digging up all my old works from when i was a schoolboy, which i'm rather impressed with my salad days! i thought i was shite when i first started, but in recollection i'm quite proud of my early scribblings! and to top it, i've been pumping out new musical works like there is no tomorrow!! composing, jamming and recording new tracks almost daily and constantly practicing and honing my craft on all my instruments, and even picking up a few more!
all in all, life has been good to me as of late, at least the things i got into in this blog! :b
i plan to attempt to make at least some form of entry daily from here on, it helps me organize my thoughts and life so much and get out my inner workings to the people i actually want to listen! so even if no one reads, at least it's helping me!
tomorrow i hope to touch on one more great thing that will take up a lot of writing: my son Conor, he's 3 month s and 3 days as of today!! and i couldn't love him more!!
he's become my everything and i can't wait to spend my life raising the little chip off the block haha i also will divulge into some more personal, and pressing matters that have honestly been bringing me some psychic pain and making my soul nearly numb but i'm too happy at the moment to conjure those thoughts to my head! :bwell i suppose that's all for tonight, again, so good to be back to SG! i missed all you lovely ladies and the community sooooooo very much and i'm making every effort to find the time to make my visits here more than just to enjoy the art.
i hope you all are doing as well as i am!!! :]
cheers,
vii.
i spent the day alone and it was amazing!
probably the best v-day i've had in years! it felt great just to sit back and reflect on the things i love about myself and why i'm happy that i exist. it was great for my esteem and just a much needed refreshing reminder of how much i love being independent and always being able to make my own decisions only for myself..
but getting on that i found that i am indeed a daddy!! but the problem is his mother does not want me involved in his life right now because she thinks i'm not stable enough to take care of child and she is mostly right but i am going to fight to do what's right and be there for him! i decided there's no way i could ever live with myself knowing i have a boy out there i don't even know, let alone take care of so i'm gonna do whatever it takes and i know it's going to be beyond tough but i have to do this, not only for Conor, but for myself.
in other news i went to the tattoo convention in philly on sunday, which by the way is the largest in america! and i got my my first professional tattoo there! it was a really awesome time i met tons of amazing people and all my friends i went with got new tattoos. i also got a sweet new bowl there for a really good price all in all i have i been extremely busy but having a lot fun which is a great thing because it gives me hope that future is going to be bright and once i get my act together everything will turn out alright.
i'm so excited!!
probably the best v-day i've had in years! it felt great just to sit back and reflect on the things i love about myself and why i'm happy that i exist. it was great for my esteem and just a much needed refreshing reminder of how much i love being independent and always being able to make my own decisions only for myself..
but getting on that i found that i am indeed a daddy!! but the problem is his mother does not want me involved in his life right now because she thinks i'm not stable enough to take care of child and she is mostly right but i am going to fight to do what's right and be there for him! i decided there's no way i could ever live with myself knowing i have a boy out there i don't even know, let alone take care of so i'm gonna do whatever it takes and i know it's going to be beyond tough but i have to do this, not only for Conor, but for myself.
in other news i went to the tattoo convention in philly on sunday, which by the way is the largest in america! and i got my my first professional tattoo there! it was a really awesome time i met tons of amazing people and all my friends i went with got new tattoos. i also got a sweet new bowl there for a really good price all in all i have i been extremely busy but having a lot fun which is a great thing because it gives me hope that future is going to be bright and once i get my act together everything will turn out alright.
i'm so excited!!
so i found out i might be a dad!
i haven't really told many people about it yet.. because i'm not sure yet and i don't have many people i can talk to about this kinda stuff so i'm hoping some of you on here will lend me some advice PLEASE! :c
first off, this is insanely shocking news to me as i have been told by several doctors since the age of 15 that i am infertile and can not produce active sperm!
to make matters more brain jarring i didn't even know the girl was pregnant!
we had been very good friends in high school and ended up dating for a very brief time afterwards but mutually decided it was a mistake and would jeopardize the friendship, needless to say we didn't come to that conclusion soon enough because not long afterwards we had a strong falling out and stopped talking for a great deal of time. anyways she texted me the other day saying hey and i respond asking what was up and she replies that she had just given birth and i was slightly taken aback seeing as i had no idea of her pregnancy..
she then proceeded to inform me there was a great chance it was mine. while it is true that we most likely did hook during the time period she would have conceived, it is completely unclear because after we broke up we did still continue to sleep with each other but very randomly and staggered.
she claims to have only slept with one other guy during the time it was possible and that is only one time, protected. i did sleep with her unprotected a few times, and i knew the risks, even with my condition, which can remit at anytime, but i cannot be certain just by her word alone..
though the photos she's sent to my phone do really look like my grandfather a lot and he was born with a full head of blonde hair just like every other boy in my family..
well on friday i go back up north to take the test to give me the confirmation and find out wether or not i have my first born son in this world!
i am so nervous and scared! :'[ i am not ready to be a father at all! and i'm so unbelievably terrified that if he is mine i will fuck him up.. i love kids so much and i want to be there for him so bad but i just dont know if i can! i'm so young and and still have so much to growing and learning to do myself! i dont have a job and dont even know what i want to do with my life yet! i also am way too immature and into being staying up all night partying and getting fucked up all day i dont know how id give up the lifestyle just like that and start being responsible!
to top it all off i'm a bit of a nutter :/ really shouldn't be raising little ones especially not now when i'm so emotionally unstable, as well as financially. i have so much on my plate already i don't know i can do this..
she said she originally wanted to give him up for adoption but her parents made her keep him when they found out.. they said even if we find out i am the father they expect nothing from me and dont care if i help or am involved in his life at all.. which you know any other guy in my position would see as a get out of jail free card but i just cant i have a fucking conscience and if he's mine i don't know how i could abandon him.. i just don't know what to do, my heart , mind and soul are literally being torn apart and i can find no solace.
please if you have any advice or thoughts AT ALL, help me out! i need all the input i can get here!
thanks so much!
<3
V.
i haven't really told many people about it yet.. because i'm not sure yet and i don't have many people i can talk to about this kinda stuff so i'm hoping some of you on here will lend me some advice PLEASE! :c
first off, this is insanely shocking news to me as i have been told by several doctors since the age of 15 that i am infertile and can not produce active sperm!
to make matters more brain jarring i didn't even know the girl was pregnant!
we had been very good friends in high school and ended up dating for a very brief time afterwards but mutually decided it was a mistake and would jeopardize the friendship, needless to say we didn't come to that conclusion soon enough because not long afterwards we had a strong falling out and stopped talking for a great deal of time. anyways she texted me the other day saying hey and i respond asking what was up and she replies that she had just given birth and i was slightly taken aback seeing as i had no idea of her pregnancy..
she then proceeded to inform me there was a great chance it was mine. while it is true that we most likely did hook during the time period she would have conceived, it is completely unclear because after we broke up we did still continue to sleep with each other but very randomly and staggered.
she claims to have only slept with one other guy during the time it was possible and that is only one time, protected. i did sleep with her unprotected a few times, and i knew the risks, even with my condition, which can remit at anytime, but i cannot be certain just by her word alone..
though the photos she's sent to my phone do really look like my grandfather a lot and he was born with a full head of blonde hair just like every other boy in my family..
well on friday i go back up north to take the test to give me the confirmation and find out wether or not i have my first born son in this world!
i am so nervous and scared! :'[ i am not ready to be a father at all! and i'm so unbelievably terrified that if he is mine i will fuck him up.. i love kids so much and i want to be there for him so bad but i just dont know if i can! i'm so young and and still have so much to growing and learning to do myself! i dont have a job and dont even know what i want to do with my life yet! i also am way too immature and into being staying up all night partying and getting fucked up all day i dont know how id give up the lifestyle just like that and start being responsible!
to top it all off i'm a bit of a nutter :/ really shouldn't be raising little ones especially not now when i'm so emotionally unstable, as well as financially. i have so much on my plate already i don't know i can do this..
she said she originally wanted to give him up for adoption but her parents made her keep him when they found out.. they said even if we find out i am the father they expect nothing from me and dont care if i help or am involved in his life at all.. which you know any other guy in my position would see as a get out of jail free card but i just cant i have a fucking conscience and if he's mine i don't know how i could abandon him.. i just don't know what to do, my heart , mind and soul are literally being torn apart and i can find no solace.
please if you have any advice or thoughts AT ALL, help me out! i need all the input i can get here!
thanks so much!
<3
V.
got my first tattoo(s) today!!!
i
am
soooooooooo
happy!
i have wanted ink for so long but just have never had the extra cash to get some,
or when i do never remember to :p,
but today my lovely friend Ashley,
who is trying to get into tattooing as a possible career,
got her first legit gun yesterday!
she one on her own foot as i test run,
but today i was the first guinea pig for her tattooing someone else!
and she did an AMAZING job!!! i am so happy!
i got a sweet heroin robot that i drew for a graphic arts project in high school on my left calf and personal homage behind my right ear!!
ill be posting pictures in my next entry!
<3
i
am
soooooooooo
happy!
i have wanted ink for so long but just have never had the extra cash to get some,
or when i do never remember to :p,
but today my lovely friend Ashley,
who is trying to get into tattooing as a possible career,
got her first legit gun yesterday!
she one on her own foot as i test run,
but today i was the first guinea pig for her tattooing someone else!
and she did an AMAZING job!!! i am so happy!
i got a sweet heroin robot that i drew for a graphic arts project in high school on my left calf and personal homage behind my right ear!!
ill be posting pictures in my next entry!
<3
so i just updated my profile and the first sentence it created for me was:
"vii47 likes Pink Floyd, of Montreal, blood, and grinding."
that about sums me up perfectly! hahahah xD
god i love this site, best $48 i ever spent!
cheers! <3
"vii47 likes Pink Floyd, of Montreal, blood, and grinding."
that about sums me up perfectly! hahahah xD
god i love this site, best $48 i ever spent!
cheers! <3
