Man Club
Alright just come out and say it, I'm a virgin. Oh shit I've done it now. DO NOT pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. That's the end for my penis, I need to turn it in to the international club of men. This monumental proclamation will forever go down in the annuals of the club of men. One of the greatest shames but to be honest not the greatest of shocks. It was a safe bet that I wouldn't get to use my dangle. Bookies really laugh at the odds.
Let's face it son if you haven't porked a woman by now you're never going to. Emasculate your self, it's the only way you're ever going to be happy. Go live life in the mountains of Montana I here a lot of men found success up there after the lose of their man hood. Heck grow your beard out, become a lumber jack or even better send bombs in the mail. Nothing says you're sane like a bomb in the mail.
I think I should have followed the advice of one of my College chums, "Screw a fat chick, something about screwing a fat chick makes you more attractive to the women you'd want to fuck. Trust me worked for me!" and another friend agreed with him with this statement "Fat women have a pheromone in their sweat, it gets on you and you're set for life". Of course at the time I chose to go with my dads advice, "Son, never follow the advice of idiots less you become one your self?"
Oh no what is he going to think? He might be disappointed finding out that his son might not produce the goods. Give him millions and millions of accidental grand children. I must be a disappointment to him. Well he's going to find out when I show up at the club of men to turn in my penis.
I'm forever a boy because I haven't giving it up. A man fucks! And he fucks! And he fucks! That is what a man does. Forget your foolish notions of love and respect. A true man doesn't respect women, he fucks them and leaves them. If you're not having a one night stand then you're not living! Sneak out in the night so she feels like shit. That's being a man!
It's not really my fault that I haven't used my penis. I followed the example of my TV. Women like clever quips and action. Unfortunately not many terrorist come around these parts for me to shoot with my gun that matches my watch. Wait, I remember a guy sticking his dick in a pie and getting laid. Quick stop by the store and get me some of those two for a dollar cream pies.
You know what try a work place romance. Those always work. Just get drunk at the office party and meet some random woman in the office closet. Don't ask questions just do it.
Better yet go get smashed at the bar. Drunken guys always get laid look at the commercials on TV. Sexy women love booze and guys who drink it. While you're at it pick up some cigarettes that will increase you sexiness quotation by ten points. That will surely get you laid.
I don't want to loose my penis. I enjoy having it around. It gives me company when I need it. I think though that even it is disappointed in me. It's probably thinking of all the pieces of shit to be connected to this has by far got to be the biggest and the shittyest!
That's it go off and enjoy your life of social exile. Get your self a Dungeon Maters guide and invite the other virgins over. Nothing says my life sucks like imagining to be some one else. Use the dice to roll your charisma. Fuck 18, even this hypothetical being is gonna be getting more action then me. To hell with this, it's a life of porn cheetos and masturbation. In that order. Welcome to the club, the club of losers.
Alright just come out and say it, I'm a virgin. Oh shit I've done it now. DO NOT pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. That's the end for my penis, I need to turn it in to the international club of men. This monumental proclamation will forever go down in the annuals of the club of men. One of the greatest shames but to be honest not the greatest of shocks. It was a safe bet that I wouldn't get to use my dangle. Bookies really laugh at the odds.
Let's face it son if you haven't porked a woman by now you're never going to. Emasculate your self, it's the only way you're ever going to be happy. Go live life in the mountains of Montana I here a lot of men found success up there after the lose of their man hood. Heck grow your beard out, become a lumber jack or even better send bombs in the mail. Nothing says you're sane like a bomb in the mail.
I think I should have followed the advice of one of my College chums, "Screw a fat chick, something about screwing a fat chick makes you more attractive to the women you'd want to fuck. Trust me worked for me!" and another friend agreed with him with this statement "Fat women have a pheromone in their sweat, it gets on you and you're set for life". Of course at the time I chose to go with my dads advice, "Son, never follow the advice of idiots less you become one your self?"
Oh no what is he going to think? He might be disappointed finding out that his son might not produce the goods. Give him millions and millions of accidental grand children. I must be a disappointment to him. Well he's going to find out when I show up at the club of men to turn in my penis.
I'm forever a boy because I haven't giving it up. A man fucks! And he fucks! And he fucks! That is what a man does. Forget your foolish notions of love and respect. A true man doesn't respect women, he fucks them and leaves them. If you're not having a one night stand then you're not living! Sneak out in the night so she feels like shit. That's being a man!
It's not really my fault that I haven't used my penis. I followed the example of my TV. Women like clever quips and action. Unfortunately not many terrorist come around these parts for me to shoot with my gun that matches my watch. Wait, I remember a guy sticking his dick in a pie and getting laid. Quick stop by the store and get me some of those two for a dollar cream pies.
You know what try a work place romance. Those always work. Just get drunk at the office party and meet some random woman in the office closet. Don't ask questions just do it.
Better yet go get smashed at the bar. Drunken guys always get laid look at the commercials on TV. Sexy women love booze and guys who drink it. While you're at it pick up some cigarettes that will increase you sexiness quotation by ten points. That will surely get you laid.
I don't want to loose my penis. I enjoy having it around. It gives me company when I need it. I think though that even it is disappointed in me. It's probably thinking of all the pieces of shit to be connected to this has by far got to be the biggest and the shittyest!
That's it go off and enjoy your life of social exile. Get your self a Dungeon Maters guide and invite the other virgins over. Nothing says my life sucks like imagining to be some one else. Use the dice to roll your charisma. Fuck 18, even this hypothetical being is gonna be getting more action then me. To hell with this, it's a life of porn cheetos and masturbation. In that order. Welcome to the club, the club of losers.
merlowe:
I am an olhead D&D geek!! Loved the dice and thought Dungeon Master's were HOT!