when things are crazy, all i want is a liitle peace. when things are peaceful, i convince myself that something must be wrong.

you gotta laugh.

last final essay for the semester. second last final essay of my degree. GAWD i don't feel like writing today.

why are people so fucking stupid?

if the relationships you're in seems way too good to be true, it probably is. but if the relationship your in requires effort and comprimise and well thought out communication... you'll probably be ok

so here is the story of last saturday up until now:

after going out for dinner with our dear friend sarah, jordan and i came home and i started the "i'm not very happy in our relationship right now" talk... we ended up seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, surprisingly and also ended up sobing in eachothers arms for a good two hours before fell asleep.

i woke up early to do a 100km training ride with my road cycling team the next morning. all i wanted to do when i came home later that afternoon was roll up a joint and chill in my apatrment. but when i got home it was clear that nothing was okay. we started talking again about what had happened the night before and things got lots worse.

the next three days were a bit of a blur. on tuesday night, after crying for 24hrs, i left and went to stay with my dear friend sue. i stayed there for a night. jordan was so depressed that he decided the only way out of the mess was to leave me. the worst part of it was that i didn't blame him for making that decision.

in truth i have been treating him like shit for the last few weeks. i have been under a lot of stress due to the fact that i am an over acheiving crazy woman with way WAY too much stuff on her plate (fundraising, training, taking a summer class, working, volunteering, trying to see my friends, etc., etc., etc.). and when i get so stressed out, guess who gets stuck in the hot seat. beautiful, understanding, compassionate, rational, kind jordan.

so there i was, faced with the only person i've ever been in love with - moving out and ending our relationship - all because i'd fucked up beyond repair. wow. talk about a humbling experience. so, i decided i couldn't just sit around and cry my face off (which is what i'd been doing non-stop) so i pulled it together a little and started possibly looking for a new roommate. i made dinner with sue that night and drank some wine. just after we picked up a half quarter and finished making dinner... jordan called and asked me to come over right away to talk.

and there we was when i got home, all full of forgiveness and the willingness to understand that i'd fucked up and that we BOTH really need to learn how to communicate our emotional needs to one another. after feeling so low for so many days in a row, i decided that i still wanted to saty at sue's for that night just to let everything sink in. so after some mindblowing make-up sex and some wonderful hugs and kisses, i headed back to sue's to have the best night

it felt like the relief of the situation made me fly. i couldn't wipe the smile off my face. i just feel to thankful that i'm with someone so completely amazing in character and compassion and intelligence... i could go on. so i spent the night having a little kitchen party at sue's. we salsa danced around the ktichen table, we drank good wine, we smoked ourselves into a state of pure relaxation.... and then i slept like a rock.

the next morning i felt amazing. i had slept in late so i went in search of coffee in the neighbourhood. i ran into my lovely friend jeremy and grab a coffee with him. then i ran a few errands, bought some flowers for se to say thanks, bought THE CUTEST DRESS EV-AR for $10 at a vinatge place on College St., and then i came home.

i feel so goodright now. i think it really takes some horrible sandess to make a good day seem SO good.

love yo all

i never pay attention to this blog.

i think it feels lonely and jealous of MySpace and LiveJournal. poor little neglected SG blog. from now on i'll try to devote a little more attention to you little blog, don't be sad.

and just to show that i'm serious, i just updated my profile and added a few more pics.

fuck facebook.

thank goodness for Cloe and Quinne. i really needed some tits and ass today on this grey rainy morning full of essay writing and fatigue. two of my very favourite SGs, together at last i feel rejuvinated.

the last FIVE suicide girls look exactly the same. can we have a little variety please?! some people arn't into the stick thin, dark haired, pale as hell look. i never look at a full set anymore. i'm bored.

i am amazed at how productive and funcational i can be on very little sleep. i'm working three jobs, doing classes full time, and managing to somehow see my love at least twice a week.... and i'm doing effing great! sure there's dark circles under my eyes, yeah i drink a bit too much coffee, mhm i'd like to spend more time chilling with my kitty and my friends... but dammit, i'm proud of myself. soon i will be financially above water and i can actually start paying some debt off. soon i will be able to take jordan out for dinner instead of it always being the other way around. soon i will have enough of a cushion to go out for a beer with my friends with a clear conscience. soon... but not yet.

but i'm happy right now.


i'm also happy that i have time to take a quick nap this afternoon before i'm off to job #2